The Beginning of the End

I have been looking out over the edge for sometime now
I find comfort in the black abyss,
Comfort from the pain
Comfort from the heartache
Comfort from you.
I used to find comfort in your expressions
The way you laughed
The way your eyes lit up talking about things you love
The way you'd shake your head every time I'd make a stupid joke just to see smile.
But here I am once again looking out into the dark by the light of a pale moon.

I'm sorry for everything, you know.
I'm sorry I ever made you worry.
I'm sorry I tried to ever think I had some stake or claim to you.
I'm sorry for every time I told you I loved you, and it meant something different to me.
I'm sorry I got jealous.
I'm sorry that I was never enough.
I'm sorry.

I can't reiterate the point enough that I'll always care.
But as I lay my head down to sleep, I prayed and wished my heart you'd keep.
But in this dull black scene around me,
I pray I never wake up again.

But I will.
I always do.
I wake up and find myself coming back to you, ready to care and be your best friend.
Stuck in this dark state of eternal turmoil I will come back to you
I stray away from the edge I find so much comfort in.
I stray away in hopes that every tiny glimmer of light will keep me moving forward.
I stray away so that I can make you feel safe, and to provide you with happiness, even at the cost of my own sanity.

I used to find so much comfort in you.
You're the one person I want help from,
but the only one I could never ask.

To provide all, and ask for naught.
Sometimes I wish you would hate me.
Sometimes I wish you'd tell me to leave.
I don't have the heart or fortitude to leave of my own accord
Because at the end of the day I still love you.

Reviews

[Antoñyo]

My favorite kinda stuff, the raw and pure emotion of love and life.
There are lines of BRILLIANCE here hidden in simplicity for only the trained mind's eye.
I enjoyed this, Thanks for sharing!

[. serah .]

-- you seriously startle me every time you post because i just can't believe that you can be so perceptive in the way you comprehend the nuances of a (for the want of a better expression) yin and yang situation... -- there are just too many complex issues articulated in this deceptively simple articulation... but the one that i am most interested in and actually also relate to a lot is the power play between a human being's 'ego' (sense of self/identity/self esteem) and a human being's needs (emotional necessities/emotional fulfilment)... -- in what kind of equations can we remain without losing our sanity...? -- what does it really mean to settle for less or give in to a demand for more...? -- can the power that two individuals wield as individuals seamlessly merge and emerge as the power of that phenomenon called 'love'...? -- what do we confess to and when do we confess to what we are experiencing...? -- these are some of the questions that your post triggers... and i know i'll spend a lot of time thinking about answers... -- thank you for sharing your intensely thought-provoking work on this site... and once again, i admire your ability to articulate complexity using a simple vocabulary... and once again... i'd like to say that you write infinitely poetic mind-maps...