A full void

Just my first poem....ever!

You walked a thick line once,

never stopping to worry, or regret,

never thinking that darkness might take you,

then you met me.

 

I paraded around you with gifts of love and respect,

never thinking what I was doing was wrong, as it didn't hurt,

and never caused a tear.

 

Your beauty was only surpassed by your heart,

and it is that I have destroyed.

 

Of all the people in the world, why did you have to meet me?

Of all the people of this earth, why did you fall in love with me?

 

Of all the mistakes one could make, why did you choose me?

 

It's simple, you were searching for me, an answer to your life,

one that could give you very little, but take so very much of it all.

 

I am sorry for the neverending pain I have caused you,

I am sorry for being me!

 

To my mind, forgive me.

To my body, forget me.

 

Z

Author's Note

Ok if this is Vogon poetry, just let me know!

Reviews

[Writer CW Kirkland]

Nicely written...especially for a first poem (ever). You were successful in conveying the feelings of guilt, regret, and sorrow. You evoked these emotions in me, and I'm sure it will do the same for other readers. I enjoyed this piece, and I encourage you to post more in the future. Thank you for sharing your writing on the Cafe, and I look forward to reading more of your writing in the future.

[Type0]

Worry not: this is as far from 'Ode To A Small Green Bit Of Fluff I Found In My Belly Button' as could be said!

For a first pome, it's very good. To be honest, for any pome it's very good. I really like your use of altered repetition, especially in the final stanza; each line reflects the other, and amplifies the combined unit.

The structure of the pome is quite interesting: it starts out growing in line length, but the number of lines per stanza reduces at a similar rate. The general effect I'm getting from this is that the pome almost starts off in a prose style, and then morphs into an obviously structured pome; this focus all attention back into the words you've used (especially when coupled with the altered repetition I mentioned above).

The regular questions are distancing, yet appealing. This piece has a fantastic lamenting quality to it.

I really like it!