Pickled Scenery

https://youtu.be/wKGwG5DWaPY

A huge Alsatian barks at a passerby stranger
as the pond geese honk sensing grave danger
Trudges back home a rangy lone ranger.

Big and little aubergines cast a purple shade
In the twilight birdsong begins to fade
Night makes navy-blue of the greenery's jade.

Wolves howl in the distance
Panthers prowl near pig pens
Ocelots growl around the dens.

Dolphins perform in the aquatic circus
Kids count on the time-old abacus
All in all the miracle of creation's fabulous

Elsewhere the morn dawns upon wee ladybirds
And shepherds go about grazing their hungry herds.

A rare sight of starfishes settle upon beach pebbles
Pink salmon in a see-through lake breath out bubbles
Bombed by tech; corpses found in debris and rubbles!

Wild species lurk in the murky forest
Stands tall and hovering high mount Everest
A chance to enjoy nature at its very best!

Admit it O' mankind no one can ever be
at par with your and my versatile Creator
The billions of species is far too extraordinary
He single-handedly created all that variety in nature.

For even the smart human who invented the radio
did not as well model the computer.
The one who designed my dresser couldn't design my patio
It'd be rare for a shoemaker to also be a tutor  

But God He made both ant and elephant
and there's absolutely nothing that He can't.

Author's Note

Zoom click on side topmost pic to view close up up close

Reviews

[Shawn Jahaffie]

I think the third stanza here is your best, its very colorful, auditory, and evocative. And this was a fun read, your appreciation/love for the creator absolutely comes through here.

I do think there are places where fewer words could be used, rather than more, or at least some of the adjectives could be spruced up a little bit if you wanted to keep them. In the fourth line, "big and little" come to mind. "wee" in the thirteenth line. "hungry" in the fourteenth (we already know they were hungry if they're grazing). "rare" in the fifteenth. The presentation of the image, in the setting its in, should ideally show the reader enough to fill in the detail gaps themself, and so sometimes more descriptions do not provide more benefit. Just a minor nitpick though :) In the seventh stanza, I think some extra punctuation is needed, and check for that noun-verb agreement (in the first stanza as well). The seventeenth line seems to be at odds with the rest of the poem, corpses lying in rubble after being bombed (fairly grim), in comparison with positive descriptions of beautiful things. All in all, thanks for the recommendation/request, I was happy to read it!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hi poet, im glad you liked my 3rd stanza it is my fav too so i was wishing someoneelse liked it too since most seemed to notice the other stanzas.
Thanks soo much for your time writing me this constructive criticism and fone review, i think this time I actually get it well, that my poem gets too wordy, thing is i want my poem understood by non english people and so i paraphrase and explain away a lot more detail.
And yeah my punctual is never perfect but english being a second language for me i never really know what's exactly wrong with it unless each error is pointed out.
And yeah the rubble line is a bit odd .
Thanks much again.

[Shawn Jahaffie]

"i want my poem understood by non english people and so i paraphrase and explain away a lot more detail" That is very good to know and makes a lot of sense! There are probably far more languages spoken more commonly where you live than there are where I live :)

I work as a speech and language therapist in the public schools as a job, if you're curious about the specifics of the grammar/want me to point it out, I could do that for you, and if you're fine with the grammar in your poem as it is now, that's totally cool too. What ultimately matters is that the poem was beautiful and fun to read!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Gosh i read my replies was autocorrected so instead of fine it wrote fone and punctual instead of punctuation ah.
I think it would be a bother to correct all my punctuation so unless you have free extra time you may just skip the hard work. Thanks and cheers,

[Shelley Warner]

That was a creative glimpse at the varieties of life within creation. I had to look up the word aubergine to find that it is an eggplant. Hence your response to my story "Eggplant Puzzle". :) I like your triplet rhyming scheme.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Ah, yes i wrote this poem years ago on many other sites, yeah nice coincidence that u wrote of eggplants. Im glad you noticed my triplet rhyming scheme.
Warmest thanks for lovely comment. Take care,

[Shelley Warner]

You take care too

[Sami Khalil]

I felt I was journeying in a wonderful Safari, praising God for all those creations; variety for us to enjoy and live with. I'm so glad you appreciate His Handiwork.
An excellent poem.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much poet Sami for the super comment!

[Sami Khalil]

You are welcome 😊.

[emmajoygreen]

As the saying goes, ' .. for everything there is a season.. ' Perhaps we can take that as meaning that through faith, over time, anything is possible but only the Lord knows how. You've adventured so many thoughts, creature and sights, happenings and stillness 0 all in very fine phrasing. Many thanks for sharing.

(You might like alter your message, there was a glitch on both PC and self, so very sorry)

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

My warmest thanks for nice comment, perhaps some computer glitch but i could still read it with a smile.

[Pete]

wow. very cool. title, imagery and thoughts all true. some very memorable lines. awesome ending. great job ... :)

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

I'm thrilled you liked the ending, thanks soo much fine poet for your superb review of this! Regards,

[Nima.Hope]

It's a one of those rare poems that one can see in life and feel a bit confused while having the interest to continue reading and at the end, feeling that it contains wisedom,literacy and absolute poetry at the same time.
Very well done Zaynab. Forgive me for my delay in reviewing, I really have trouble connecting to VPN to enter the cafe.
All the best wishes
Nima

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

My warmest thanks for your lovely super cool comment, i try my best to ensure my poems are not commonplace boring and your comment makes me feel i succeeded a bit.

[Nima.Hope]

I'm glad my dear friend you feel good.

[W. Barrett Munn]

This is a courageously rhymed poem that you pulled off without a bobble or any sense of forced diction or syntax to fit the rhyme.
Very well done. And interesting.

Winston

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hello poet good morning thanks soo much for your wonderful review!

[carl]

enjoyed the read very much. The "near" pantheon of animals is very captivating and flows nicely. One line caused me to stumble a bit if it is okay to say. "Bombed by tech; corpses found in debris and rubbles!" While true, it seems the only weed in the mist of a bouquet of beautiful flowers. Thought the last three stanzas were especially well handled. thanks for the post - carl

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hello Carl, yeah this was a pickle, a muddle of scenes yet that line was a bit more odd one out perhaps, i was meaning those bombs that tech has enabled for killing largescale.
Thanks soo much for great comment,

[Dave]

Your insight into the wonders of God's creation is wonderful. I liked all the ways you infused his beings into your writing. Take care - Dave

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much for your wonderful comment poet Dave,