Edited some lines as suggested by fine poets in comments section
What's better than gold?
A heart of gold and any golden rule
Thus do not over the mined thing drool.
What's better than pearls?
Any shining pearls of wisdom
grant the oyster respite's freedom!
What's better than diamonds
Heavenly supernovas
and stars that dazzle like them
So don't you fret if you can't afford
the earthly underground gem.
What's better than rubies?
Crimson roses and rosy lips
I do and maybe you too already have them!
What's better than emeralds?
Feline eyes glowing in the dark.
Ah Lord! That fluorescent emerald spark!
What's better than silver?
The hope that every cloud has a silver lining
Even miners they don't enjoy the mining.
What's better than amber?
Amber eyes shining like embers.
In God's fine variety of iris shades
Ah, and the licorice eyed maidens and maids!
And whether it be zircon or amethyst
Sapphire or lapis lazuli
Agate, opal or tanzanite
what tis far better
than all these gems put together
is anyone known as 'a gem of a person'.
For instance it's up to you to transcend flesh and blood
and be a guiding star
for the transient travellers that we are.
Let the dust that man is famously created from
be upgraded to stardust
by becoming a shining star in God's eyes.
And If you are kind you are a gem of a person
in the view of the Creator
“and be a guiding star
for the transient travellers that we are.
Let the dust that man is famously created from
be upgraded to stardust
by becoming a shining star in God's eyes. “
My friend, Your words in this beautiful, lyrical poem are themselves like stardust to the readers eyes. Yes this is a wonderful parable with lovely language, spirituality, message, flow, rhyme, imagery, simile, metaphor. A pleasure to read and I hope we can all see ourselves as being so much better than earthly treasure in God’s eyes.
This poem is full of treasures. I really liked how well this was penned and the meaning behind it made it all worthwhile for me. But no I have no rosy lips for me - to kiss not wear lol. Maybe I'll write a poem about it and then I would lol. tyfs
“and be a guiding star
for the transient travellers that we are.
Let the dust that man is famously created from
be upgraded to stardust
by becoming a shining star in God's eyes. “
My friend, Your words in this beautiful, lyrical poem are themselves like stardust to the readers eyes. Yes this is a wonderful parable with lovely language, spirituality, message, flow, rhyme, imagery, simile, metaphor. A pleasure to read and I hope we can all see ourselves as being so much better than earthly treasure in God’s eyes.
This post should be on billboards all across the world in my opinion! (Let the dust that man is famously created from be upgraded to stardust by becoming a shining star in God's eyes. And If you are kind you are a gem of a person in the view of the Creator) Awesome! What we do for God is ALL that matters! ~Sharon
Posted 2 Years Ago
2 Years Ago
Aw yayy warmest thanks for a golden hearted , heartwarming great comment supporting kindness. Take c.. read moreAw yayy warmest thanks for a golden hearted , heartwarming great comment supporting kindness. Take care,🌷
With all the gems in he world at one's fingertip, who cares; some do, but that's not the point of your poem. Humane kindness no matter what the wealth in gems, matters. Even the poorest person can be a gem of sorts.. that's really what matters. well done and a good subject to write about, and your vivid imagery of the gems does count too.
Best, B
Posted 2 Years Ago
2 Years Ago
So true, well said, kindness matters, warmest thanks for that fab lovely comment. Take care ,
The colors, the visuals, the writing, how not all comes together is just amazing. I love how it shows that so many things that seem special like gold, or money, are truly nothing compared to the spoils of life, no matter what they may be. Material items hardly matter, what matters is the memories that turn into beautiful things like this. Thank you so much for sharing!
Posted 2 Years Ago
2 Years Ago
Hii, warm, warm thanks for great wise words that add nicely to rhe gist of the poem.
Wonder .. read moreHii, warm, warm thanks for great wise words that add nicely to rhe gist of the poem.
Wonder if i have read yours too, am curious to.
Good morning,
A rather interesting poem.. I found some rhymes here and there...Liked very much the idea of jewels with the various comparisons..Looked back to see the many reviews and found them to be quite varied.
I too feel the the line Amber eyes shinning like embers is my most favourite..
I agree with William that eyeballs do not really work and actually take away from your poem..His idea of flaming seems great..as it really goes with the rest of your poem.. Isn't it wonderful that he gave you constructive criticism.. it would be wonderful if reviewers did that..but most are afraid to offend or do not want to spend their time ...
Lisa, now in Spain
Posted 2 Years Ago
0 of 2 people found this review constructive.
2 Years Ago
Yeah dear it is hard to swallow criticism esp if its biased, harsh or unreasonable like one troller.. read moreYeah dear it is hard to swallow criticism esp if its biased, harsh or unreasonable like one troller here did in the past, but i always know constructive from destructive criticism and the fine poet below pointed it out in a genuine reasonable way. Because first of all English is only a second language not my mother tongue so we learn while we write.
And then there have been subjective opinions of likes and dislikes like for instance while some English poets highly praised one stanza or line on one writing site while a poet on other site expressed dislike of that particular line or stanza thus causing me confusion as much as to leave it as it is.
That said lets look at the word ' flaming , im totally confused how to fit that in the line in place of eyeballs. So unless you rephrase the whole line for me without deducting its message, with that word i wouldn't know how or it would read like this, 'in God's design variety of flaming shades'. that would sound like meaning only amber eyes, while im meaning all colors of eyes in that line. Ok.
Warm warm thanks for your lovely cool review . Cheers,
2 Years Ago
Hi there,
I really appreciate your response.. Some people are so cruel...all critiques are a .. read moreHi there,
I really appreciate your response.. Some people are so cruel...all critiques are a bit difficult to hear but I always listen to everything and then determine what
is best for me.
I agree that if one person loves one stanza and another doesn't than that can be rather confusing.. But I always am aware it is their take on my poem..
Your line which is In "Gods design variety of eyeball shades".. so, VARIETY already says that it is not just Amber.. If you changed eyeball to just eyes that would work...eyeball indicates the entire eye... the white part, etc...maybe, that is what doesn't feel right.. Anyway, the original line word change given by Micheal.. using flaming still work because again it is for a VARIETY of eyes..hope this makes sense to you..
Actually, thinking more about this.. I think if you just simply say EYES it will work.
My best to you,
Lisa
I like to call myself a poetess even though I'm no professional or conventional at writing poetry.
Have been writing poems for some time and readers say they get message and/or entertainment from the.. more..