Chapter 1

Logan Hart meets Lily Romera.

“Hey, um, guess we can’t play soccer together anymore yeah?” That was the first thing my older brother, Jacob Hart, had told me when I visited him in the hospital a few days after his accident. He’d gotten into a car crash with his best friend Jay Romera on the way to a party when their car was t-boned by a tractor trailer in the middle of a busy intersection. Jay was killed on impact and Jacob was ejected from the vehicle, the impact of the fall caused him to be paralyzed from the waist down. Jay was also texting and driving.

“I-If he was alive I would kill him,” I hissed as I took in the reality of the situation. My brother would never be able to walk again; ever.

My dad squeezed my shoulder, hard. He hadn’t said a word since we’d walked in-I didn’t blame him though. “Logan, stop.” He spat into my ear.

I shook him off angrily. “Are you kidding me? Look at Jacob dad! How are you not angry right now?”

            He shook his head at me slowly, almost in defeat. “There’s nothing we can do Logan. You think you’re the only one feeling hurt right now? Think of Jay’s family, imagine how they feel knowing that they’ll never get to see their son again.”

“Screw his family, it was his fault!” I shouted back.

“Logan!” Jacob boomed suddenly from behind me.

I turned to face him, trying desperately to keep my emotions intact.

“Y-You need to stop, r-right now.” He shook as he spoke, looking as if he was about to explode into tears any moment then.

I just stood there, concentrating on the tiles that made up the floor, trying so hard not to scream.

“D-Dad, where’s mom?” Jacob whispered, his voice a bit more stable than before.

“I-I don’t know, she won’t answer her phone. But she has to come-she will come.” He replied sounding just as unconvinced as we both felt.

Jacob pressed his lips together and nodded. I sat down and rubbed my nose. My dad cleared his throat.

My mom never came.

**

            Almost a week later, I rolled Jacob out of his hospital room. The wheels on his chair squeaked loudly as I pushed him along the shiny, linoleum floor. When we rounded the corner, I noticed three people standing by the elevators. A girl who looked around my age was clutching a bouquet of white and yellow roses.

            I watched as Jacob’s hand flew up over his mouth in surprise. I turned to glance back at my dad; he had tears in his eyes.

“I-I’m so sorry,” Jacob spoke quietly as the girl handed him the flowers. I watched her intensely.

“It’s alright, it wasn’t your fault,” She smiled weakly at him. She was Jay’s sister, I didn’t know how, but I just knew it. Her eyes met mine then, I’d never seen such sad eyes.

“I’m sorry about your brother,” She said carefully. I didn’t reply, I just watched. She said the same thing to my dad next, but she replaced brother with son.

Jay’s parents each hugged Jacob and then shook my dad’s hand.

“When is the funeral?” Jacob asked hesitantly. The words sounded raw coming out of his mouth.

“We’re not sure what day yet, but it will definitely be sometime next week. We’ll be sure to tell you when we make the decision.” His dad replied with a small, weak smile.

Jacob nodded back slowly.

“Well, I guess this is good bye for now.” My dad spoke up from behind me.

They both nodded except for the girl, she was watching me. I held her gaze until we got into the elevator.

            “Wait!” She called before the doors closed. My dad quickly stopped the doors from closing with his foot. She took a while rummaging through her pant pocket before she took out a slip of paper that had something jotted down onto it. I was taken aback when she thrusted it towards me.

            “This is my number, if you want to talk I’ll always be here; I-I might need someone to talk to too. I know we’re both going through difficult times right now so just I thought it would be a good idea,” She stated bashfully as I took the note from her. I didn’t really notice how thick her (Spanish) accent was until then.

“O-OK,” I replied unsurely, gazing down in awe at the phone number. It was the first time I’d gotten a phone number from a girl.

She smiled softly and stepped backwards out of the elevator. My dad released the button and the doors closed slowly; I still never broke eye contact with her. 

Reviews

[Jake]

Hey. So, First of all - your other piece, I haven't read much yet, but the title 20 Letters was grabbing enough to open the prologue and chapter 1. Since I'm commenting here, I'd just like to mention one thing about it: Interesting topic, but give us a shocker from the start: You end with something like: "Those were the last words I spoke with Julianne before she killed herself." I'd say start with that line, just change it up a bit so it makes sense at the start.

Okay, so as for this piece. The title is a bit long. This is a romantic novel, I'm gathering, so on one hand the title is fitting. But I'd still try to cut it a bit, make it more snappy. Remember, title is like first sentence - it must grab attention. Anyhow. I find your stories interesting. You've got relatable topics, and an interesting voice in which you convey them. Keep writing. :) Hope this helps.

[ZaraTroye]

Thank you, that was very helpful! I guess the title of this story is pretty long because I wasn't really sure what else I should name it, but I'll definitely think of another title. Also, this story isn't really a love story, it's more like an indirect love story. The boy falls for the girl, but she doesn't feel the same way. It's kind of a story about first love and first heartbreak, it's not a love story but more like a story about love. Does that make any sense? But anyway, I'll definitely take a few of your pointers because the one you mentioned for my other story was very smart. Thank you!

[Jake]

Tragic love. I like it. And don't worry too much about the title. It'll come eventually. Sometimes a title takes longer to manifest itself than other times. It's a ride, a journey like the novel. Like your characters, let the novel, as a character itself, tell you what it wants to be called. It'll do that soon, the more you write, the more clear it'll become.

[ZaraTroye]

Thank you! :)