Suicidal whale

You were nowhere to be seen.
And so people were so mean.
I can't come back.
Just like a suicidal whale,
I am a serious wreck.

Hear me out.

You should take my heart,
Along with my soul.
Watch how it crashes and crumble,
Beneath your touch.

I don't wanna let go of you
Perhaps the fear of
Neglect in me,grew so much.

Watch me.

Wish you'd held out your
Warm hands a little more.
I am drowning,my hands so cold.
Will I ever get to the shore?

All alone,my vision blurry and blue.
No one will come to my rescue.
Going down in the greatest depth.
Making me Suffocate till death.

So watch me.

Seeing myself sink.
I whisper underneath,
'Save me,don't let me die'.
I too want to fly.
Just like the pretty swans
In winter sky.

I wish you won't.
But If you will,
Abandon me at once.

Cause I'll only plead.
Plead you to reach out to me.
You don't know,
You are my only greed.



_D'arcy

Author's Note

Please be kind with your words,I am new to writing.
Thank you.

Reviews

[JayG]

• Because I can never write how my fate turns out to be I am writing my miseries.

As therapy, it’s good to get it down, and review. But, did you wake this morning wondering how the people who come here feel? I ask because your answer will tell you how many people were hoping you’d give them a copy of your letter to someone unknown.

I say that, not to belittle your efforts, but because, not having acquired the skills and aims of poetry, yet, you’re missing the target.

First, the goal of poetry isn’t telling the reader how we feel, it’s to make THEM feel. Nonfiction tells the reader that we cry. Poetry and fiction make the READER weep...or laugh, or.... And, having the ability to make people you'll never meet do that, simply by where you place the words you choose, is a superpower. 😁

Nonfiction, the only kind of writing we’re taught in school, is inherently declarative and dispassionate. It “tells,” the reader, as you do here. But...can anyone other than you know what emotion to place into the reading? No. You, someone the reader knows nothing about, are talking to an unknown “you.” for unknown reasons, in a “voice” that contains only the emotion that the words suggest to the reader, based on THEIR life-experiences.

My point is that if you use the skills of poetry, developed over the centuries, your message, and its intended emotional content, will arrive intact.

Nonfiction is fact-based, while poetry is emotion-based, an approach to writing not even mentioned as existing in your school years. So, like most people, including myself, you used the skills you own.

The short version: To be a poet, we must BECOME one.

For example, you toss in rhymes here and there. But structured poetry is far more than that. It has a predictable structure that involves that reader in the way that song lyrics do. By making the reader know when to stress a word, and placing the word that WE want there, we, in effect, help the reader how perform the role we’ve assigned them.

For a better understanding of how that works, jump over to Amazon, and look at the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Travelled. He’ll show you things about the flow of language that you never suspected, but which can make a huge difference in how the reader perceives and enjoys, your work. His book is excellent, but if structured poetry is your goal, Mary Oliver’s, Rules For the Dance, is better.

For the basics of non-structured poetry, you can download a readable copy of her, A Poetry Handbook, from the site linked to just below. It’s brilliant, and filled with little gems, like why we sometimes use the word stone and at others rock, for the same thing — and why that matters.
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

So... This was definitely, not what you hoped to see, I know. But since we’ll never address the problem we don’t see as being a problem, I thought you might want to know.

Hang in there, and keep on writing.

Jay Greenstein
Articles: https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/
Videos: https://www.youtube.com/@jaygreenstein3334

“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”
~ E. L. Doctorow