Why Apathy Is A Blessing

A poem for myself, written by myself.

Some say, there are those who were born lucky and there are those who were not.

I agree.

At the young age of ten I got a taste of something I could not handle.

Something not meant for those who have not yet had their first menstrual cycle let alone their first kiss.

At the age of ten, I had my first crush.

Now listen, I may sound like one of those silly little girls who talk of love like it's some religion, but I'm speaking from the only place I know to be true in this regard: my heart.

I set this scene because I have a story to tell.

A story about a girl who is fed up with desire. 

A story about a girl who is envious of those around her who don't have the stomach for what she wants.

Something she wants, but for lack of having, wants to not hunger for.

Yes, I speak of my envy for those who have not felt the flames of infatuation, the flutter of the heart from the mere sight of a person, nor the daily anxious pleasure the thought of them brings.

Some believe that at my age, these feelings patter out within a matter of weeks.

Then enlighten me.

Why the f**k has it been a whole god damn year and a half?

Why is it, that my love doesn't evaporate over time?

Why is it, that I am so different from the stereotype?

Why is it, that Romeo and Juliet doesn't seem so f*****g stupid to me?

Not because of the death, but because I know a girl her age could actually feel something like that, I did.

Nobody believes, it seems like once teenagers evolve into adults they forget what it's like to be this age, it's convenient. 

They don't have to deal with the hormone levels or puberty, so they save their stories, but not their memories.

They could rattle off ten bad decisions, four heartbreaks, and 3 failed classes, yet they still won't extend their empathy towards you.

It's easier if they don't, even if they tried, they'd still put themselves first.

Maybe in 15 years, I'll be the same.

But, maybe like Not All Men, Not All Teenagers are imbeciles like society and adults makes us out to be.

I've never gotten the chance to make a life altering stupid decision with a boy before because reciprocation on their end wasn't apart of my DNA.

I was made to love, to feel it, to wallow in it, to cry my eyes out for it, but never to romantically receive it.

That's why I've been yearning for that apathy society speaks of. 

The apathy that is rumored to come with time.

The apathy that so many of my friends are blessed with having.

The apathy that you can't buy, nor sell your soul for, nor develop on your own.

How can I possibly move on, when I never even moved in?

Author's Note

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