This Place of Memories

I come from where the cattails sigh,

where secrets whispered on the wind are carried, twisting, through tangled branches

from where water o'er pebbles is music for my lullaby 

and where across starlit fields my spirit dances

I come from a place where the wise trees watch

in silent vigil they guard their own.

It is a place where the woods and the lake are a notch in my chest;

the place to where the birds have flown

And from this place I've long gone on;

my feet have carried me far away

but my deepest serenity from there is shone

to hold me here -- and here I'll stay

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

This has a descriptive nature in the three stanzas...yet a bit of clarity in the lines and this would shine through in your work...I would shorten your lines --- I see why the structure is done this way....because of the 4 lines per stanza...since you seem to want the rhyme scheme in play...but I would go all out prose and give this the intent in which the words speak for you:

I come from where the cattails sigh,
where secrets whispered
on the wind are carried,
twisting, through tangled branches
from where water o'er pebbles is music for my lullaby
and where across starlit fields my spirit dances

I come from a place where the wise trees watch
in silent vigil they guard their own.
It is a place where the woods
and the lake are a notch in my chest;
the place to where the birds have flown

And from this place I've long gone on;
my feet have carried me far away
but my deepest serenity from there is shone ??? did you mean shown???
to hold me here -- and here I'll stay

...but with a little work this can be even more...