Calluses

Recently edited, and more concise.

I am scratching at the calluses
around my arteries
fingers crossed for reawakened senses
besides those that burn between my legs
and blossom within my pupils as they widen
with my lungs full of falsity

Waiting for the pop in my ribs
An internal reaction to something
besides the dread that leaves me dithered
behind the wheel on my way home
from dull, unbothered people
I have no ties to

I feel I should have learned by now
But I am trying not to shrivel without you here
and your weak, true heart across the water
beating louder still
than those of the marose young fools that
surround me
And remind me of how far I am from you

And though my mind does try to latch the door to you
To break the focus, sucking in the chemicals
that gather in the cloud of smoke
there is still a leak of fear that I may never

feel the vibrations of your humming in the darkness
and the realization that

I am painfully terrified for you.

And without you.

Since my calluses have developed from the lack of you in my blood
I will work them away, hoping to feel less alone than I am
I will fan off the smoke from my eyes, so that when I close my eyes
I will see you clearly

Reviews

[Dionysus Cain]

this was a very good poem to me, the last lines really made it all fall into place. I like the words you use to express your feelings.
there is still a leak of fear that I may never

feel the vibrations of your humming in the darkness

i really like the way you put this together, i have read alot of poems on here and i have to say this is one of my favorites... nice work

[Jesse F Hayes]

In the third stanza, it should be 'you're', not 'your' =)

Sooo good! I only have one more suggestion, but it's simply a 'this-is-what-I'd-do-differently' kind of suggestion. The second to last line, I would take away the second half. Just "I will fan off the smoke from my eyes/I will see you clearly" ...but I suppose you preface the last line with the 'closed eyes'... again. Just a personal thing. And honestly, one of my pet peeves is when other people try to tell me how to write MY poems... LOL