Grim

A writing assignment for a class. We were tasked to write a description of our lives and feelings at the current time. As should be obvious, I was in a sadder state.

Grim. The over-encompassing word that surrounds the general tone of all of my thoughts. Grim sadness, grim happiness, grim sense of justice. My every idea is fogged and covered in that idea: Grim.

I feel alone but at the same time whole. A confounding mix of bitterness, satisfaction, and loss all come together and form my state of being. Events as of late and the actions and decisions of individuals whose names shall not be mentioned have led to an utter chaos of my mind that surpasses even the normal chaos that it has always possessed. My thoughts in my head no longer have a voice, only a noise, a confusing, distorted, nonsensical noise.

I was betrayed. Is that the word…yes, I think it is. I poured my heart, my soul, my blood, sweat and tears into saving a life, only to have that life take what I had done and throw it in my face. I received no reconciliation, no thanks, only a spiteful repayment of lies, distrust, and…as mentioned, betrayal.

That very life I pulled from the abyss of their own mind I now wish I could shove back in. I went into their hell and carried them out of the fires. And now because of their actions, I wish that I could ignite the blaze and toss them into it myself. This is my bitterness.

Judgment has been passed . Forces beyond myself, with zealous righteousness, have delivered a smiting retribution. That very same soul that I once loved and now passionately loath has been delivered their comeuppance. And not even by my own hand. The temptation to deliver justice upon this individual myself, by backing up the already existing punishment, is quite strong. My desire for their misdeeds to be recognized as what they are burns within me. This, is my satisfaction.

But at what cost, has all of this come? I do not walk away simply with an enemy. No, I walk away missing a friend .The person that I saved not only betrayed my trust, but also broke it, by, through every effort, taking away another person that I care most dearly about.

That…demon, I say, disallows me the luxury…no, my right, to see the friend that saved my soul. And because of my honesty, I can say nothing. I am powerless to watch as I am forced more and more distant from that individual of which I trust everything. This, is my loss.

Reviews

[.]

~ incredibly poetic and moving prose... i've been through this experience... in some ways, i'm still going through it... it took me a long time to understand why i don't betray the way i was betrayed... initially i was just upset and hurt and all of those things so brilliantly described in this piece of writing...
~ excellent work...

[falling_toxic_rain]

I can completely relate to this, in the end of everything....I just still wanted their happiness, I would no longer try to provide them with that though...
I like this, kinda read it more as a poem.
Either ways its good, thanks for sharing.

[Zalinthel]

Thanks for commenting. Getting feedback always helps me improve. And I've been told that I speak and write "like everything you think is a poem", as my English teacher once put it.

[falling_toxic_rain]

You're welcome, and its true! You must then hae a poetic mind. Nice.