Two Halves: chapter 23

chapter 23 :D

The trip back on uneventful, the only change was that the islands of oil ice had finally melted. They docked in smoothly into the port below the base, and anchored themselves down, and started back towards the galley. The party was still going on, and had gained intensity since they had left. The people had spilled over onto the paths nearly as far as the docks. The intercom system blared with music, and people were dancing on various barrels and boxes sitting around the station. Darris approached an outlying man far from the main party. He was trying to seduce some woman; she was not in the military garb and looked to be from the village. 

 

“Hey! You there! Ummm... Jenzic. Tell me where Machone is.” asked Darris scooting his way besides the man. He was so startled not only from being talked to by his commander, but also being referred to by name, Jenzic nearly spilled his quick brew in his urgency to salute.

 

“I believe he is in your office, sir! Talking to the outsider that accompanied these two.” he stood at attention, and with his free hand indicated both Nicolas and Zeckle. Darris chuckled at his formality, and clapped him on the shoulder.

 

“No, need for this man, you coulda just told me.” Darris turned away and began to walk towards the spiral staircase, then stopped and turned around. He then leaned in closely to whisper something “I remember this girl, shes got a boyfriend. Sorry, but you probably don’t gotta chance” His voice was just over a whisper, so the girl was able to hear. This revelation sent the girl blushing and scurrying away. Jenzic looked slightly dishearted and took another swig of quick brew, then reentered the surging crowd of people.

 

Darris led them quickly back up the staircase and through the rest of the complex. It was eerily quite now, and the light shone from a few manned watchtowers. The sound of the party grew fainter as they neared Darris’s office. A faint light was shinning through the windows. Even though Darris had a calm look on his face, his slightly to quick strides betrayed his mood. He was still worrying about Bestalel. He still couldn’t trust him.

 

He burst through the door at nearly a frantic pace, and gazed around the room. Both Machone and Bestalel were sitting at the wooden table, and both were looking up at Darris in shock. Darris cupped his face in his hands and muttered an apology, and walked over to sit down in one the chairs beside the table. For a man who had not even flinched at an entire armed raiding party this outburst over something so minor was surprising.

 

“So, what are you two doing in here?” asked Zeckle, addressing the two sitting men. Nicolas realized it was the first time she had talked since hearing Darris’s story, which was unusually silent for her. She walked to another chair surrounding the small table and sat down as well.

 

“We are discussing the plan of action for the invasion.” Bestalel said in his normal even tones.

 

“Yes, Bestalel was just tellin me of what you all are planning to do once you get through the other side, and what our job in it is.” mumbled Machone while stroking his chin thoughtfully. The grease that had covered him before was gone, and now you could see a small amount of stubble coating his chin.

 

“I will reiterate now that Darris has arrived.” Bestalel picked up the file they had dropped off earlier and riffled through the sheets of paper within, and withdrew a paper with a list of names. “This contains the information on all other underground support groups we hope to contact. We have established not only communications, but also they have agreed to cooperate, with most of the list. The only large group that remains is Sixteen Surgeon. Both Nicolas and I shall be making contact with them shortly.” he drew an intake of breath and continued.

 

“Once we have a baseline group for the operation, we shall allow you to expand from there. Recruit any smaller local gangs that will be loyal to our cause. Once Nicolas and me reach Earth-2 we will be contacting Ernie through the dimensional relic classified The Phantom’s Typewriters. He will be relaying information to you all on strategy. Most of the specifics are covered within this packet. We have eight plans set up, only one of which will be used. The information will come at last minute to prevent sabotage to any particular plan, however unlikely it may be.” he read in a monotone voice, and his eyes darted as if he was reading a script hanging in mid air. Machone sat stoically absorbing the information, and after a moment Darris looked up.

 

“So what exactly is our job though?” asked Darris. He gazed at Bestalel with sadness in his eyes, but Bestalel merely looked back, the peak of professionalism.

 

“The specific task of the groups in non-dimensional space is take the gate platform long enough for the forces from Earth-2 to come through the gate. Then as a force we shall push to Salex’s central office. In the engineering base there is the master wormhole generator that keeps all portals to Earth-2 stable. We shall set charges there and leave you to guard them. We then shall allow Earth-2 forces to escape back through the wormholes and then detonate the charges. The Earth-2 wormholes will collapse, and it will take at least two years for Salex to build another operational one, and hopefully our groups on this side won’t allow them the chance.” he finished with just the slightest his of pride in his voice. His face still showed the blank expression of a professional hired to complete a task, but deep within his eyes you could see a glimmer of happiness sparkled.

 

“What I said before was a lie” Darris said suddenly to Nicolas “It’s not just you who has light in their eyes, it seems Bestalel gots some in his to.”

Reviews

[Miss Coral]

Better with the grammar, and another good installment in your book! :)

[Daniel Gardner]

Great write on the continuing of this epic tale. Only thing is you still need to tune up on the characters. They seem to mesh together as one. In a story this long you want to give very diverse feelings and mannerism to them. The reader can start to feel that the story is dragging on with out any real feeling of resolution. Keep in mind that the story has to have a beginning, a middle, and an end. As the characters go through it, they too must have a beginning, a middle, and an end. From the time they first appeared how where they? What began the metamorphoses? And What is the end result. Keep up the good work and this will truly be a great epic tale.

[RosylnPeaches]

Your progressing well its turning out brilliantly but slowly
as for grammar not as bad :) so thumbs up but to do with james watts comments for example
Jenzic looked slightly dishearten(Jenzic looked slightly dishearted) "you could use disheartened? " just a suggestion .

[James Watts]

The trip back on uneventful, the only change was that the islands of oil ice had finally melted. (was uneventful?)

“Hey you there, ummm... Jenzic. Tell me where Machone is.” asked Darris scooting his way besides the man. He was so startled not only from being talked to by his commander, but also being referred to by name he nearly, spilled his quick brew in his urgency to salute. (“Hey! You there! Ummm... Jenzic. Tell me where Machone is?” asked Darris, scooting his way besides the man. He was so startled not only from being talked to by his commander, but also being referred to by name, he nearly spilled his quick brew in his urgency to salute. Or after name you could use that --name that he--)

“Once we have a baseline group for the operation we shall allow you to expand from there. (“Once we have a baseline group for the operation, we shall allow you to expand from there.)

“I believe he is in you office, sir! Talking to the outsider that accompanied these two.” he stood at a stiff attention, (could omit stiff and you should be your)

Sorry, but you probably don’t gotta chance” His slightly to loud voice sent the girl blushing and scurrying away. (this one reads sort of off. I think you mean too, but even then I would consider revising.)

Jenzic looked slightly dishearten(Jenzic looked slightly dishearted)

“We are discussing the plan of action for the invasion.” spoke Bestalel in his normal even tones. (try said Besalel or even better Bestalel said.)

Try rewriting some of the sentences to omit as many of the -ly's as you can. Some will stay, but a few of the ones I saw can be omitted.)

[Dutch Jr.]

Great chapter. You kept a good balance of dialogue and narration in here, and you moved your plot forward in a very interesting way. Great job.