Two Halves: chapter 17

chapter 17 of two halves

“Elemental Control, Air. Wind Wall!” yelled Nicolas as he held his hands outstretched in front of him. His magical aura flared out behind him, and looked like two wings. The air in front of him solidified into a semi-translucent shell. Darris wasted no time and was already firing shots into the shell. Bullets would pang against the shield making it vibrate softly. The ricocheted bullets flew around the ring.

 

A few of the stray bullets tried to exist the ring, but the binding circle blocked their trajectory. Thin jets of blue flame would lace around them disintegrating them immediately. Darris continued to launch a volley of bullets into the wall until he had expended each cartridge. His thumb flicked the release and the magazines slowly slid out of the butts of the gun.

 

“Concussive rounds! Release!” yelled Darris. Under each of the pistol appeared summoning circles. Their red glowing symbols hanging hazily in the air. Two of them materialized two new magazines. They slid neatly into their housing. Magic arced down his arms and flowed into the hand guns. The rounds began to vibrate as they absorbed the magical energy. He raised his hand and fired a round.

 

It sounded as if a thunderclap had rung out in the room. It translated to physical stabs of pain in Nicolas’s ears. A spider web of cracks appeared on the shields surface. He wasn’t going to last here for long. He needed to think of something. He glanced at the floor and an idea popped into his mind.

 

“It’s a good thing you have such expensive tastes. Otherwise this wouldn’t work. Elemental Control, Wood. Living Net!” He plunged his hand and it sunk deeply into the floor. The wood parted like water and small ripples emanated from his hand. Then from his hand areas of the wood bulged out. They snaked around the floor and came up under Darris. Trees began to grow up from under him. Branches curled around his legs. Several trunks had already begun to sprout leaves before Darris reacted.

 

 He stopped funneling magic into his guns, and the bullets ceased to vibrate. He began to fire on the wooden poles and was attempting to wretch his legs from their grip. Nicolas took this chance. He reached up to the potion belt strapped on his left arm. He selected a potion; its contents swirled with a deep purple liquid shimmering with ribbons of silver. Nicolas rammed this into his arm, and squeezed the bulb.

 

His hair stood up on end and his body became covered with goose bumps. Small arcs of lightning climbed between his hairs. Lightning formed above his shoulders and flowed down around his arms. Suddenly he gripped the forked lightning, and they crackled menacingly.

 

 “You know, the worth of an alchemist isn’t measured in how much magic he has,” said Nicolas as he released the Wind Wall. The shattered pieces of barriers cracking under his feet as they dissolved back into air. “It’s measured in how good of a potion he can brew. Face one of my masterpieces, The Lightning Wreath.” Darris had freed himself, and was now staring up in horror.

 

“Damn! Elemental rounds. Release!” He yelled as he pulled the magazines from the guns. Two new summons circles, this time yellow appeared behind the guns. New cartridges congealed and slid into the guns. Nicolas swung the whip of lighting towards Darris. He fumbled with his gun for a moment, and shot. A hole appeared in the lightning. The forks of electricity were ripped apart by the round. Nicolas let the lightning reform and swung again. Darris shot it down.

 

He two fought for nearly a full minute at this pace. Nicolas lashing out with lightning, and Darris shooting them apart. Nicolas had to dodge a few stray shots that Darris was able to sneak in, and he knew it was just a matter of time before he ran out of rounds. There was a click from one gun as it ran out of bullets. While continuing to fire with the other gun he hit the heel of his shoe on the floor. A string of symbols blazed around the bottom of his shoe.

 

The other gun clicked as it ran out of bullets, and as Nicolas swung his lightning whip once more Darris’s body blurred. In a flash he was standing mere inched in front of Nicolas’s face. His knee came up and impacted Nicolas’s stomach, Nicolas doubled over in pain and reeled back. The lightning slowly disintegrated in his hands. His hand scrambled to his arm ripped another potion from its holster. He slid the needle into his arm. The dark emerald green liquid entered his arm.

 

As the potion took his effect his arm began to convulse wildly. His muscles grew and ballooned along his arm. His shoulder expanded, and his biceps exploded. He clenched his fist and veins pulsed along his new arm. Darris had started to back away in panic. Nicolas charged him. He attempted to use his dash spell again to gain distance between them. Nicolas lunged out his arm and grasped a handful of cloth. He pulled Darris towards him. The sudden change in directing disoriented him.

 

Nicolas caught Darris in the stomach. He keeled over and fell back, and skidded across the floor. Nicolas leapt and brought his new gorged fist down towards Darris’s face. He stopped a few inched in front of him.

 

“I win.” Nicolas panted. Beads of sweat rolled down his face. His arm began to shrink to its normal size as he ceased the flow of magic into it.

 

“Look again.” breathed Darris. Nicolas looked at his stomach. The barrel of a pistol was mere inches from his stomach. Its stock was vibrating softly. If he were to take one of the concussive rounds to the stomach he would surely die.

 

“When did you?” Nicolas started as he rolled off of him. He lay on his back breathing hard.

 

“Right after I kneed you.” replied Darris as he sprawled out and let go of his pistols. The metal ceased vibrating, and lay still.

 

“It’s a draw.” announced Bestalel from the edge of the ring. He broke the seal and walked towards them.

 

“Ok, I believe you. Anyone who can give me that much of a run for my money defiantly had to be powerful. Even if you aren’t The Alchemist you really might make a difference.” said Darris, sitting up. He began to laugh loudly. Nicolas found himself laughing as well. Bestalel scowled and looked away. Then there was a sudden bang on the door. Machone burst in.

 

“Sir, you’ve gotta come see this!” he shouted and sped back out of the door.

Author's Note

I finally get to do a fight scene. I would love opinions on it.

Reviews

[Domenic Luciani]

your still weak on those first few sentances.
there's some strange paragraphing between the first and second paragraphs.
All of your paragraphs seem to be around the same length, which can make everything unappealing to the eye. I've noticed this throughout, actually.
a few grammar problems.
The dialogue in the fifth paragraph is a bit week.
The ending is a bit weak too. Pretty much everything else was caught already, or will eventually be caught.

[Aggie Skeleton]

You have to tell me if they are yelling. But I did very much enjoy it to the fullest way I can.

[Daniel Gardner]

This was good and I agree with Persephoneia. Good action just the yelling did kinds kill it. You can make the characters yell without saying they were. Let the action and battle tell the story. If you have tons of action with a fast pace feel to it and good imagery and use of words the sounds of battle enter the readers mind. So the reader will automatically make the characters yell in their mind. Hope this helps. Good job.

[Miss Coral]

The action was good, but honestly, the whole yelling stuff out kinda kills it for me. Trivializes it.

Otherwise, great job again! Fight scenes are difficult to write, and keep up the flow, but you nailed it.

[James Watts]

A few of the stray bullets tried to exist the ring, (typo. Exit)

The Alchemist you really might make a difference.” (may need to revise. reads a bit weird.)

I noticed a few of the same mistakes as in earlier reviews but I will not beat a dead horse, no need to, because you still have that final draft and I am sure it will all be handled there.

The action was handled well. Action takes getting used to when writing and develops over time.

[Dutch Jr.]

Good, active scene here. I'm submerging further and further into the story itself. Keep writing.