Two Halves: chapter 15

well here ya go

Bestalel led them down into the bar, and out into the street. It was no less crowded than it was earlier, and luckily there were enough strangely dressed people walking the street that neither of them stood out. Though Bestalel did still have the affect on the shop owners. Many eyed him warily as he and Nicolas passed.

 

Bestalel led them away from the more crowded streets into the back alleys that sprouted like branches from the central trunk of the market. He led them down a series of corridors. Nicolas was sure that they had gone in a circle at least once and doubled back on themselves. Even though Bestalel was walking confidently, and obviously knew where he was going.

 

“Bestalel, why are taking this route? I know you are making it overly complicated. Can’t we just take the direct path?” Asked Nicolas looking at the back of Bestalel’s head. He broke stride for a moment and stopped, and then looked around to face Nicolas.

 

“I am sorry sir, but this was one of the conditions of the Laughing Cowboy. He does not want you to be able to recreate the route if you were to come here again. I am sorry, but this is the only way I could get him to agree.” He replied and turned around. Nicolas was still wondering who this “laughing cowboy” was and what he had to do with this. The suddenly Bestalel stopped in front of him. There was a door to his right. In the dark it was almost completely invisible.

 

Grime and tags from numerous gangs covered its surface, but what dominated it was a picture of a bucket with a cowboy’s hat on top. The bottom looked rusted and was leaking a painted stream of water. Bestalel knocked on the door, and continued to bang a strange melody onto the frame. It was some form of code for the people beyond the door.

 

Finally there was a click and the door slowly swung forward. There was no room beyond, just what looked like an elevator, except with no walls. It was simple a platform with rails to prevent you from falling. Bestalel stepped onto this platform; it swayed dangerously.

 

“Get on, sir.” Bestalel said when Nicolas eyes the platform suspiciously. He was not entirely sure it could bear both their weights, but he was going to have to trust it in order to get down. He stepped onto it, and the wood creaked ominously. Bestalel closed the door and they began to descend. He looked up to see the rope looked sturdy enough. It was one of the carbon crystal studded fiber cables. They had been moving slowly downwards for over a minute until Zeckle spoke.

 

“Can I change back now? We aren’t going to see any civilians down here. Please Nick...” He said from atop Nicolas’s shoulder. Nicolas thought about it for a moment, and then nodded. Zeckle hopped from his shoulder and fluttered his wings slightly before hitting the floor. Her form changed back into a woman. Her features remained the same she had decided upon when she was in the market, but her cloths were different.

 

She was in what looked like chain mail armor, except it had what looked like woven metallic scales. It covered her entire body, except for around her joints which were made easier to move with leather. She had two swords, one on either side of her waist, along with a bow and quiver draped across her back.

 

“Dress to impress, I always say. We need to show this Laughing Cowboy guy who is in charge here.” She said confidently as she puts her hands on her waist. Bestalel sighed quietly behind her, but she was too absorbed in her moment to hear.

 

Before they had just been traveling through a single metallic shaft, but suddenly they burst out over a lake. They had come out of a ceiling overlooking one of lakes of petroleum he had seen from the train. Out of it stock hundreds of metal shafts each covered with huge amounts of rust. Some as small as inches wide, but some others over fifty feet in diameter. Around these shafts were built what looked like a base. The rope bridges and towers were built on the girders. They connected each of them to form a metallic structure that covered several acres. Lights flicked on and off in the windows on the building, and a spotlight shone on the tallest tower. From it a flag had been erected. It was red with the same bucket and hat symbol from the door.

 

One bridge that looked much more permanent led to shore. Several fires were going on the shore, and metal had been fashioned into many huts gathered around base of the bridge. This is where their elevator was heading. It was slowly lowering down onto a platform near the back of the village. People had gathered around the base of the structure as they touched down. An excited looked man in black overalls came to greet them.

 

“Hello, I’m Machone. I am kinda the second in command round dese parts. I’ll be leadin ya to the bosses private room.” His face was nearly completely covered by facial hair, and his beard extended down nearly to his waste. It was a tangled mess of black curls. He walked down the stairs from the platform to the surface below.

 

Nicolas could now see it was simply hard packed garbage. Tin cans and battle caps had been flattened on the surface to form a sort of road. This was a island of garbage in a sea of oil, and people had decided to live on it. Most of the people were dressed badly, most in ragged home-spun looking shirts. They were whispering among themselves and staring at him. Every so often he would hear a snatch of conversation.

 

“They say he is the alchemist” “No couldn’t be, died years ago” “but, talk is at the compound” “who is the woman with them? Is she a demon?” “Why would Bestalel bring the alchemist to us?” These snatches drifted over the crowd, but whenever he looked in their direction they would silence immediately.

 

They eventually made it across the town to the base of the bride. Machone held out his hand for them to stop. Then he looked past the bridge to the compound and made a series of complicated hand signs. Two partial lancers stationed on the side of the bridge eased up on their aim. When they had crossed the bridge several people came into view. They were walking the outer wall or were sitting in either partial lancer turrets or small guard houses along the outer perimeter. They all glowered down at them.

 

“They seem to be a happy bunch.” Whispered Zeckle from beside Nicolas, she had been silent ever since they had touched down, but had reveled over the attention they had received in the village.

 

“They don’t seem to be looking at us, they are all staring at Bestalel.” muttered Nicolas in response. Bestalel stayed silent, and if he had heard he gave no indication. The structure seemed to be secure despite be built out of scraps. They walked across several rope bridges and along cat walks until they came to the building bearing the flag.

 

Machone knocked on the door, and there was the scraping of a chair from inside. A figure’s shadow came behind the grubby glass in the door, and opened it.

 

“Hello, I’m The Laughing Cowboy, and I guess you are who they call The Alchemist.” Spoke the man.

 

Author's Note

wow this is getting long. At this pace this whole story is going to stretch into over 100k words... maybe more. I am starting to appreciate how long this is gonna be.

Reviews

[Domenic Luciani]

I'd go with some more detail with the sights and sounds, etc.. while their walking from place to place, it tends to make things a bit jumpy.
All other problems have pretty much been addressed by James and such, so I'll leave you with, 'good job, keep going!" or something like that lol

[Daniel Gardner]

Looovvve it!! More!

[aaaa]

thanks for your suggestions on the group talking. I have never had to deal with a situation like this and wasn't sure how to approach it.

[Dutch Jr.]

Good chapter. My concerns were the speaker problems that James mentioned. But you did great writing and storytelling, as usual. Don't worry about the length, just write.

[James Watts]

The previous reviewer already noted all the real errors I noticed. except for the following:

“They say he is the alchemist” “No couldn’t be, died years ago” “but, talk is at the compound” “who is the woman with them? Is she a demon?” “Why would Bestalel bring the alchemist to us?” These snatches drifted over the crowd, but whenever he looked in their direction they would silence immediately.

This one is a bit confusing. If these are different speakers break it up into different paragraphs. We will still no what you mean. It will be less confusing.

Other than that not bad.

[Miss Coral]

Very good, again. There's one grammatical error that I've seen throughout your chapters though- after dialogue, rather than ending it with a period and then starting a fragment afterwards, you can change

“Hello, I’m The Laughing Cowboy, and I guess you are who they call The Alchemist.” Spoke the man.

to

“Hello, I’m The Laughing Cowboy, and I guess you are who they call The Alchemist," spoke the man.

Not a huge difference, but in the world of grammar, pretty big.
Great job, again!

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

i've enjoyed every single chapter