Two Halves: chapter 11

Chapter 11, a secret is revealed

The room was a lot cleaner than he imagined. Crisp white sheet covering two beds, but something was off. The room felt odd, it was cold. Everything was either metal or glass, not a single piece of wood or other organic material had touched the room. Most things in this city were metal. Because it simply was not cost effective to import wood that would simply rot away. Metal was a lot stronger, more durable.

 

He sat on the bed, and leaned back. Zeckle hopped off his shoulder and began to run around the room inspecting it. It was simple in lay out. Just two beds up against one wall and a small table with several cheap looking chairs. There was a screen integrated into the wall opposite the beds. Zeckle had already found the remote and was flipping through the channels.

 

They had a lot more channels here than he had had back home. Probably stolen, he thought as he watched the imp mash the buttons wildly. He probably loved this. Having a fun assignment instead of the normal things demons were employed for. Security detail and manual labor didn’t cut it for the adventurous types. It was probably why he had refused to stay in the flute. Having an assignment with some sense of adventure probably made his blood boil.

 

“So, Zeckle, I know you are more than a level-six. You’re to smart for that, and you seem to have far too much power. Even though you are suppressing your full essence I can still feel small bits of it slip through. I would say you’re around at least a level twelve, maybe higher. Why are you here?” Asked Nicolas casually. The imp froze for a moment, then smiled. His small pointed teeth gleamed in the light filtering through the single window in the hotel room.

 

“Well, to be honest I volunteered. Word travels fast through the demonic realms, and there was word of some lesser imps being summoned to work for The Alchemist. I couldn’t believe it, but I had to check it out. You know you have the same magical frequency as your father.” Said Zeckle. His imp form undulated for a moment. He let out the briefest of glimpses of his power. A wave of energy washed over Nicolas.

 

“I am your clan inheritance. I am the personal demon of the Flamel Clan, and I haven’t been summoned since your father died twenty-eight years ago. You were too young for him to have taught you how to summon me. Oh, and in the crude way you mortal measure our power. I think I would be classified at around level… oh say sixty eight.” He said as he continued to press buttons wildly.

 

“Impossible, the Flamel Clan’s demon guardian was a succubus type demon, not a imp.” Said Nicolas incredulously. He would not have mistaken such a powerful demon for a weakling, but that wave of energy. It had been real.

 

“Oh, your father to had been surprised at our ability to change shape.” Her body undulated for a moment, and then she was sitting on the bed. A demoness, her jet-black hair curled around here while two small bone white horns poked from under it. She had a pair of bat wings protruding from her shoulder blade. They were folded now, but her wingspan must have been enormous. She was wearing a black gown with the clan sign of the Flamels embroidered in red.

 

“It was such a shame he died in the blaze war. He was a fun master to have. Always an crusade to go on, always some peoples to liberate. Though you seem to be proving interesting as well. Gregorian Chenran Voltaire Flamel, I am happy that we will be working together.” Her form melted again and turned back into the small imp.

 

“I would tell you my real name, but you would just butcher the pronunciation anyway. Call me Zeckle. I prefer that title anyway.” He went back to mashing buttons on the remote. Flipping through channel after channel. The images blurred together to form slurry of color and sound.

 

“I… I am not sure what to say.” Said Nicolas. He had not used the name Gregorian since he had left Earth-2. He had been called Nicolas for ten strait years, and he wasn’t quite comfortable with the demon using that name. “I am going to go down to the bar. You can… ummm… stay here and watch TV. then.” He quickly got up and left the room. The encounter had thoroughly shaken him.

 

He had known Zeckle had not been an ordinary demon, but to be one of the clan guardians. He had expected simply a fairly powerful demon that had come along out of boredom. Nothing above level fifteen. Thought having Zeckle here would prove useful. The clan guardians were the most powerful demons on Earth-2, and only the heads of the clans would be able to use them. If Zeckle chose to help him, it would be a great asset having an arch demon on their side, but that was assuming that Zeckle had come along to help in the first place.

 

Nicolas slowly walked down the stairs and into the bar. The counter where Heather had been earlier was deserted. She had probably run off with the money Bestalel had given her. He sat at one of the few unoccupied tables at the bar and looked around. Several waitresses weaved throughout the tables taking the drinker’s orders.

 

“Hello, sir, what will ya be drinking tonight?” Said a familiar voice from behind him. It was Heather, she had changed into the outfit of the waitresses. Unfortunately they did not leave much to the imagination, but what could he expect from this city.

 

“Oh, its you. Sorry I had to leave you at your room earlier, but I have to earn my keep around here.” She said as he pulled out the chair next to him and sat down. She threw her note pad on the table and sighed.

 

“I can show you around the market if ya like. I know it isn’t a flashy place, but it’s home.” She toyed with her pencil for a moment, and looked at him. He needed something to take his mind of Zeckle. A walk through the market would probably help.

 

“Sure. I’ll go.”  Replied Nicolas.

 

“Great I can get off in around fifteen minutes. Wait here till then.” She picked up her notepad and sped away back into the sea of tables. She had seemed excited. You probably didn’t get to meet many strangers in this town, at least not ones that wanted to hold a gun to your head.   

Author's Note

Well, i am not sure about this chapter. I didn't feel that great after writing it.

Reviews

[Bruce58]

well done

I think you should describe the wave of energy more. Instead of just assuming the reader to understand the amazingness of the magic/energy. It'd be a great detail to have (: I love your story so far and am going to read all it quite possibly! Maybe even describe if the demoness was beautiful, or ugly, or just there. And I love the part about if the imp is really there to help, or not. Maybe you should say something about whether or not he's suspicious. A few grammatical errors, and words missing, but over all I'm loving it! (:

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

well , i like this chapter , too .. you should love what you write. it is your artwork!!!:)

[James Watts]

Said Nicolas incredulously. (careful of this, the -ly adverb tagged onto dialogue is not recommended.)

A few typos. Yea I feel that way about chapters I write sometimes. But that's what the final revision is for.

[Manda]

another well written chapter! nice job!

[Aggie Skeleton]

Th dialogue kinda did hurt it. But I really liked it.

[Domenic Luciani]

yeah, I would say the dialogue killed it a bit. Other than that though, it wasn't too bad. Just a bit of polishing here and there.

[Dutch Jr.]

Other than a few grammatical errors and typos, I think this chapter is pretty good. You set the description of the room at the beginning and went into the dialogue of the chapter. However, I feel that dialogue swallowed your chapter, but you can fix that later.