Two Halves: chapter 2

Two Halves: chapter 2

A Chapter by aaaa
"

We meet Ole' Ernie. Leader of the crying saints.

"

He exited the train station at a half run. Trying to skirt around the various groups that clumped together as you got closer to the district. The building began to grow older. In this part of town there wasn’t TeraFlex, but good old fashion brick. He entered the dark alley that was the unmarked entrance to the magic district.

 

He breathed in deeply, and let the air wash over him. It was a rush, this district; all of the different corners would carry their distinct aroma. You could almost navigate the place my smell alone. He detected the hint of rosewood and white oak that the conjurers favored for their binding magic. He turned into conjurer’s alley.

 

Paper lanterns eternally lit the shadowed alley. Instead of chasing the shadows away they simply made the separation between light and darkness more distinct. Or maybe that was the desired affect, because if anyone knew what the darkness truly held it was the owners of these shops.

 

He walked past the imp shop, its windows stuffed full of various cages. Small claws and wings stuck through the bars desperately grasping for a lock. He ignored it and turned into the teashop next door. The shelves were lined with an assortment jars and boxes filled with exotic teas from every corner of the joint territories. He selected a small white box labeled “Snow’s grace”. He indicated this to the man behind the counter who began to prepare a cup for him.

 

The man eventually came with a small delicate china cup filled with the steaming liquid. He breathed in the strange nutty aroma and with a sigh began to drink. He drained half the cup quickly and motioned towards the worker. The tea man acknowledged with a nod, and came to rest in front of him.

 

“Yes?” The man said. Obviously he was not used to interaction with his customers beyond a refill and tea selection.

 

“I need to get some information. I need to see Ernie. Tell him The Alchemist sent you.” He adjusted himself on his stool as he said this. He eyed the worker apprehensively, not sure if his name still carried weight among The Saints. The worker tensed, and then reached below the counter and drew a small sign up. The sign read “Gone until further notice” Then he slowly took off his apron and left the room letting himself a back door into one of the various alleys.

 

He chuckled to himself as the worker left. It seems as if they still knew who he was. He laughed to himself as he drank the rest of his tea waiting for the worker’s return. Finally the worker opened the door and motioned for him to follow.

 

They walked through the dark alleys in silence. It was nearly pitch black now that they were way from the main alleys. Eventually they came to a door illuminated by a flickering bulb. He opened the door for him to enter. He led him into a dark room with only a single chair positioned in its center. Concrete crumbled around its legs. For the wood had simply broken through the concrete , and had been molded into a chair shape. Ernie still loves his old theatrics, he thought. He sat in the chair not at all surprised then the wood came to life and undulated. The wood began to grow and covered his hands.

 

He looked around him to see that the worker had already left. He began to grow bored as he sat there. Ernie didn’t need these formalities with him; only lesser men would be intimidated by such parlor tricks. He looked next to him to the brief case. Then he heard a creak from behind him.

 

“Nicolas, oh how it is a joy to see you.” Ernie laughed mirthlessly. He slowly circled the chair to face him.

 

“Why are you still calling me that Ernie? You and I both know that that isn’t my name.”  Said Nicolas.

 

“Oh, but it is the name we call you. But no matter! Let us discuss why you wanted to see me.” Ernie responded and he motioned behind Nicolas. One oh his guard brought a chair for him to sit on. He leaned forward in anticipation.

 

“I need three level-six shadow fiends, an arch-demon class binding circle, and a summoner’s flute. Those are the major items. A full list of the reagents I will require is in my pocket.” Retorted Nicolas with a smirk. He had cobbled the list on the train ride here. It was better to be safe than… well dead, so he had added everything he might possibly need.

 

“What? Are you insulting me Nicolas! What could you possibly have that would be worth all that!” Snarled Ernie.

 

“See this brief case next to me. It contains the location of an artifact you have been looking for. My type writers, you know the cross dimensional ones.” Ernie’s face erupted with satisfactory astonishment. “If you want my artifact you need get me that list. Oh and don’t even think about trying to open it. If you input the wrong code the incendiary hexes with activate and the files will be lost forever.” He had always used the typewriters to talk to Abigail, but why would he need them now. Even if this didn’t work he wouldn’t be able to use them. Suddenly the door behind them burst open interrupting their thoughts.

 

“Sir! It’s a police raid. You need to leave. Now!” The guard was frantic, and obviously new. Ernie merely sighed and stood up. He walked towards the brick wall opposite the door. Then uttered something as he pressed his had against the dull red masonry. They began to slide back revealing a secret passage.

 

“Nicolas, we will talk about this later. For now you are on you own.” He motioned to his guard who picked up the brief case and followed his leader. Then with a snap of his fingers the wooden bonds on Nicolas's hands released him. He immediately leaped up ran out the door as the bricks slowly slid back into place.

 

He breathed in smelling the unmistakable odor rosewood. He turned right towards the smell. Behind him he heard a shout. The police had caught up with him. They would want him alive for questioning, and at this distance the stun rounds would be inaccurate. He spoke a short phrase and inflated his force shell around him to be on the cautious side. It would be able to curl the electro-polymer pellets away from him from this distance, but if they got close they might as well be shooting air.

 

He skirted down an alley to see a pile of boxes, but above them the lanterns of the conjurer’s alley were visible. He tackled these boxes and broke into the alley. The few customers who walked the alley gasped at his sudden intrusion. He was at the end of the road, nothing but wall to his left. He began to dash along the alley as the police rounded the corner. They were far more fit than him and he needed a distraction if he was to escape.

 

He looked in front of him and saw the imp shop. With a word of unknowable power he pointed at the glass. The glass began to vibrate then splintered. It shattered as the cages fell into the alley. Many broke and numerous legged and winged creatures burst from them; most flying strait upward. On their way towards the sky they became entangled in the lantern stings. The lines were torn from their tacks and carried upwards into the night, and taking their illumination with them.

 

It was nearly total darkness now. He breathed in again and detected the alchemist’s quarter. Its acidic smell assaulted his nostrils. If he was going to escape the police’s hound-mods he was going to have to cover his scent. The damn genetic modifications sure made it a lot harder to run than it used to.

 

He found a narrow alley between an apothecary and an alchemist’s lab. He escaped into the growing night letting the darkness swallow him.



© 2010 aaaa


Author's Note

aaaa
I am trying to work on my passing. I have a problem with things turning out to slow. If you have any suggestions please put them in your comments.

EDIT: I just want to let yall know. I am not editing old stuff. I will do the editing process at the end and will probably rewrite the entire first 10-15k words of the book. My writing has improved so much I can hardly recongnize it.

My Review

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Featured Review

Definitely an improvement.
I suggest a quick skim back over it find some of the grammar problems that I saw spotted throughout.
"I need three level six shadow fiends" I would add a - between "level" and "six" just to break it up.
I'd also give a little more description about what the magic spells look like, and also add a little background (and I mean VERY little), about what this Ernie character is after, and his relationship with the main character.
Also, maybe a little more detail about his destination.
Other than that though, it's looking much more solid. Good job.



Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Great and extremely interesting as usual [:
I suggest you read it through a couple of more times with open eyes in order to catch those grammar mistakes. Other than that, great job.

Posted 12 Years Ago


You are getting better, work on your flow.

Posted 14 Years Ago


This was pretty good- each chapter seems like better writing to me. :)
A couple of times, it seemed overly dramatic, but that may have been because I don't know what all of the terms mean..

Also.. some of your sentences start like this..."He opened the door for him to enter. He led him into a dark room with only a single chair positioned in its center." .. to make it flow better, you could reword them to, "Opening the door, he led him into a dark room with only a single chair positioned in its center."

Overall, good job!

Posted 14 Years Ago


I also have a problem with slow transitions in my writing, but I think mine is much worse than yours. The only suggestion I can make is remember it is a rough draft.

Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

once again another awesome write.

Posted 14 Years Ago


The only thing I would say is in the paragraphs where youre just narrating your sentence structure isnt varied. You say "He turned..... They went......" maybe sometimes instead of this "He escaped into the growing night letting the darkness swallow him." Try "escaping into the growing night, he let the darkness swallow him". Hope that made sense. Well written so far though.

Posted 14 Years Ago


My best suggestion is to read novels or stories in the genre that you are writing. Imagery, dialogue, pace, structure, style, all can be learned just by bein a constant reader. And don't just read one author, although you may have a favorite. Shop around for other authors of the genre. This especially helpful when developing style. Not bad and big step up from chapter one. Keep up the good work.

Posted 14 Years Ago


Great chapter, very well written, everything flows well. awesomeee

Posted 14 Years Ago


Definitely an improvement.
I suggest a quick skim back over it find some of the grammar problems that I saw spotted throughout.
"I need three level six shadow fiends" I would add a - between "level" and "six" just to break it up.
I'd also give a little more description about what the magic spells look like, and also add a little background (and I mean VERY little), about what this Ernie character is after, and his relationship with the main character.
Also, maybe a little more detail about his destination.
Other than that though, it's looking much more solid. Good job.



Posted 14 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This is such a wonderful chapter here.
A very enjoyable read. Wonderful imagery and detail as well.

Posted 14 Years Ago



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Added on April 14, 2010
Last Updated on June 5, 2010
Tags: dreams, fiction, afterlife, gate, 4th, fantasy, margaret, cain & able, abe, Dark, Hate, Life, Sad, adventure, death, depression, heart, horror, lost, love, pain, po

Two Halves


Author

aaaa
aaaa

Tracy, CA



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