Two Halves: Preface

Two people, literally worlds apart.

It's Fall. Around him leaves slowly swirled. Their golden hues turning the landscape into a blinding spiral of color. The wind ran through the trees, and waves of leaves pushed themselves into the small stone square. The world was awash in colors. The stalks covered the dull gray masonry of the square. The squares which resembled some kind of sandstone, harvested like skin torn off of Earth.

Amid world awash with pigments stood a blotch of gray. A man walked down the small path into the square. His suit was pinstripe and well kept; his tie a deep blood red. He stood out among the world, as a salmon climbing the waterfall against the current. For he was walking into the wind, and the surges of leaves pushed against him trying to force him from the square. He walked unperturbed. A bronze plaque near the entrance of the square read "Gilgamesh Crossing". It was grubby and difficult to read. The man would not have been able to read it unless he had specifically walked over to it, and scrubbed the dull metal into some semblance of clarity.

In the center of the crossing was a card table. It was old, but its metallic legs appeared to be sturdy. Leaves formed drifts around it's legs, and several littered its surface. A heavy typewriter sat on top of the table. The man walked to this table, and looked around the square. As he pulled out the decrepit chair in front of the type writer, its feet scraped across the stone; screaming in disapproval as the silence of the square was broken.


He sat in the chair and slowly scooted in. He lifted his hands and hovered over the keys of the typewriter. His hands stood like the claws of bird over a small rodent. He typed five letters H-E-L-L-O. Even though he pressed down the keys hard the small ink coated hammers didn't move. Slowly, as if it was barely moving one of the clubs began to move. It got closer to the white paper. The individual fibers of the stationery curled over one another. The hammer caressed the sheet; leaving a black viscous "H" on the paper. Another stamp twitched. It moved faster than the last printing a "E" on the sheet. Finally as the brands punched out "HEY THERE"

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It's Spring. Cherry blossoms filled the air. The ground was covered in a pink blanket as the petals slowly floated to the ground. The entire forest was a field of pink. It was blinding. The flowers radiated the light reflected from the sun. In this ocean of white a pinpoint of black contrasted this pale sea. She strolled into the small clearing. The path was cobbled with river stones taken the nearby stream.

The clearing was merely four concrete slabs and rough stone benches arranged into was resembled a semi circle. These stuck out out the blanket of white oddly. Their gray giving contrast to the white, making it more vibrant. There was a card table in the center of the bench circle. It was old and wooden, and seemed to have been there for  long time.

On its surface lay a old fashion heavy type writer. Several sheets of paper had been loaded into it. She walked towards this stand and pulled out the chair in front of it. Comparatively this furnishing seemed to be like new; its shinning wooden surface gleamed from a polish of dark brown varnish. She brushed off a few cherry blossoms and sat in this chair.

Then she waited. Eventually the type writer began to move. The "H" gave a twitch. Then the "E". It had spelled out "HELLO" as she watched. She stared at these words lovingly. Then her fingers flitted over the face of the keys. Spelling out "HEY THERE".

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Hello

Hey there

Both the man and the woman breathed out a sigh of relief in their separate clearings. Both had thought the other would not come to the meeting. Even though the other had always arrived. On time, but both secretly feared the other leaving them.

How are you? The man typed his hands skittering across the keys like the legs of a crab in his urgency to type.

I'm ok. How are you? Typed the woman. We're making small talk, she thought. Neither of us knows what to say. I guess I'll have to be the one to take the initiative.

All the better for being able to talk to you. Typed the man. He had taken the first step, and it seemed as if both the man and the woman were thinking along the same lines.

I miss you. Typed the woman. Tears filled her eyes as she hunched over the type writer. Her tears stained the paper and caused the ink of his words to run. Their black streaks painting rivers of sorrow through the paper.

I know, but we can't be together. We wouldn't be safe. The man typed. He knew this to be true. If they even entered the same plane of existence the auditors would find them. They were relentless.

But I miss you! The woman typed. Her hands were trembling, and tears rolled down her soft pale cheeks.

I know. Believe me I know. The man typed. His own desire to see her was slowly over turning his better judgment. He would have to cut it off here. For both their safety.

I have to go. Someone is coming. Typed the man as he got up from the chair quickly. The leaves billowing around him as he pushed them out of the way. As he left the square he kicked a pile of leaved in his frustration.

Damn the auditors, he thought, One day I'm going to see her again. Just you wait!

Author's Note

weird story popped into my head. Was wondering if I should continue or not.

EDIT: just to let ya all know. I'm not correcting old stuff. Instead I try to just to do better in the new material. The book gets better as it goes along.

Reviews

[NSisifo]

I noticed a few crits, but they didn't take me out of the story. I've received your read requests for the latter chapters, but I don't want to miss out on the beginning. I'll get to them eventually.
Interesting so far. I like the idea of instant type writing. Texting has nothing on this...

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

It was good but there was too much description, i know everyone says descriptions is good but we need to learn how much is too much. this took me awhile but i did learn but i did it so will you. I know you've continued so instead of if i think you should i'll just say good and go read the next chapter
Matthew W

[sawreese]

Ok, before I go further let me say this was interesting. Probably one of the most interesting starts to a story I've read in a while. Now first I'll go through the technical stuff I caught, and then some other general stuff.

"It's Fall. Around him leaves slowly swirled. Their golden hues turning the landscape into a blinding spiral of color."

Things would flow better if you change swirled to swirl to keep the same tense.

"The squares which resembled some kind of sandstone, harvested like skin torn off of Earth."

Wait, did you mean "were harvested" because with this sentence the squares are the ones harvesting. I was confused so I just thought I'd point it out.

"For he was walking into the wind, and the surges of leaves pushed against him trying to force him from the square."

might want to add a comma after "pushed against him"

"In the center of the crossing was a card table. It was old, but its metallic legs appeared to be sturdy. Leaves formed drifts around it's legs, and several littered its surface."

you don't have to use legs twice, they are already the subject. Things would go smoother if you subbed out it's legs for them. Also, it's should be its.

[Finally as the brands punched out "HEY THERE"]

don't know if this sentence was supposed to be incomplete, but it is.

"The path was cobbled with river stones taken the nearby stream."

missing a word here.

"The clearing was merely four concrete slabs and rough stone benches arranged into was resembled a semi circle."

"what resembled" not was.

"There was a card table in the center of the bench circle. It was old and wooden, and seemed to have been there for long time."

missing an "a"

"The man typed his hands skittering across the keys like the legs of a crab in his urgency to type."

need a comma or something after typed, and using typed and type sounds odd.

Ok, overal the story was good. Short, but it was a prologue so that's just fine. Your overuse of nouns is a bit distracting. I often use nouns instead of pronouns in some situations too, in order to alter the tone of the writing, but in some places it just brought me to an abrupt stop in the middle of a sentence.

The quickening of the pace in the third segment was done nicely, great job. I'll make sure to move on to the next parts asap. I do have one favor though. If at all possible could you send me read requests to earlier chapters instead of 9 and on, because I am just starting the story so they are just taking up space. If you are just sending them out in mass quantities I understand though. Carry on ^.^

[Druella]

Good start. Two typos that really stand out
' miss you. Typed the woman. Tears filled her lives as she hunched ' I believe that you meant eyes not lives?
'As he lefts the square he kicked a pile of leaved in his frustration. '
change to left the square he kicked a pile of leaves.
Looking forward to reading the chapters that you have posted.

[Miss Coral]

I would definitely continue-

You have beautiful imagery, though in some ways you could make it flow a little bit better. For example, in sentences in which you say something like this: "She brushed off a few cherry blossoms and sat in this chair." It would be smoother if you simply said, "She brushed off a few cherry blossoms and sat down." Or add description in... either way, you don't need to specify that it's that individual chair.

Overall, interesting piece. Great job. :)

[James Watts]

I agree that it is slow moving in parts. I would continue to see where it goes.

[Domenic Luciani]

interesting, but slightly slow moving at some parts. Sometimes, too much detail is just that; too much. You did go a little overboard with the description at some points, but I noticed how the story sort of focused as the story got into the third section, which was a good thing, it kept the ball rolling.
Keep going with this, should turn out into an excellent read.

[Aggie Skeleton]

Do countinue, you have my undivided attention with this story. It is very intresting, and you have me aceing to know more.

[Paege]

Wow. That definetly peaked my intrest. You have me wanting more. I hate it when that happens. I am at the mercy of writers but i can't help it. I seem to have discovered a whole nother world when transfering to writers cafe. This peice just proves my point. Such detail, and plot. Please write more.

[Dutch Jr.]

Continue, please. You have me wanting to read more. Great details. Your approach to a story is different from a lot of writers, in a very good, unique way. Let me know when you post more (hint hint... you better post more...lol)

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

you should continue this story, i need to know what happens!!!