77 RANDOM SAYINGS!

A few random sayings to read when you need a good laugh.

77 RANDOM SAYINGS!

Also, this content is not meant to affend:
bald people
north koreans
convicts
vampires
canables
the little people
sadistic people
bipolar people
deaf people
magic ponies
horse owners
survivors of bombings
stubborn people
guardian angels
Hitler
prostitutes
the government
hippies
stalkers
or weirdos

All of these sayings are original and a product of me and my friend's twisted humor. `_^

Another day another dollar.
Wow your job must suck.

If you love something, set it free.
If you hate it, cage it and make it your slave.

Two heads are better than one.
Unless they're on the same body.

I know you are but what am I?
Stupid.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
A doctor a day keeps everyone away.'Cause you're a CANABLE!

A little goes a long way.
Especially if it's disease.

What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine.
Luckily, you have better stuff then me.

Friendship is the greatest treasure of all.
Unless you have a magic pony.

Actions speak louder than words.
And that's why nobody reads anymore.

What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.
If you try it again, I garentee you'll die.

A promise is a promise.
And a lie is a lie.

Who let the cat out of the bag?
Obviously the one who knew it needed air.

Knowledge is power. Ignorance is bliss.
Well, which is it?!

An eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth.
Eventually you're going to run out of body parts.

Oh give me a break!
Sure, where?

The pen is mightier than the sword.
This does not apply in mortal combat.

Silence is golden.
And ductape is silver.

Sticks and stones may break my bones...
Well you're pretty much screwed from there.

If life gives you lemons
Make grape juice. Then, sit back and watch as the world tries to figure out how you did it.

If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, you have a STALKER!

Don't judge a book by it's cover.
Don't judge a rock by its radiation.

Your eyes are the window to your soul.
Your nose is the window to your brain.

We came, we saw
Now go home.

If the shoe fits, wear it.
If it doesn't, well you're stuck with it now.

Real friends don't stab you in the back.
REAL friends strangle you. (It's much less painful.)

People who live life to the fullest live the longest.
Your results may vary.

The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
The enemy of my enemy's enemy is my third cousin twice removed on my father's side.

Two wrongs don't make a right.
THREE wrongs make a right.

Some people are destined for greatness.
Others are destined to be the little people that the people destined for greatness step on.

Bald is beautiful.
Just keep telling yourself that...

Beggars can't be choosers.
And japanese rock stars can't be ninja assassins. (inside joke)

Curiosity killed the cat.
It also killed the dog but I've been ordered by the government to keep that information confidential. (oops)

Don't throw rocks in glass houses.
Why do have a glass house in the first place?! Are you stupid?!!

You should do what you love.
Unless it's sadistic and a danger to humanity.

You are what you eat.
Ah! Canables!!!

Tatoos are forever.
Remember, forever is a long long long long long long long long long........time.

If you build it, they will come.
If you destroy it, they will HATE you.

Winners never cheat.
What world do live in?

Savor the moment.
Unless the moment sucks in which case block it out.

I laughed, I cried
It turns out I'm bipolar.

Snakes are more afraid of us then we are of them.
Yeah, I don't see a snake wetting its pants, do you?

Love conquers all.
This does not apply in rock paper scissors.

Words have power.
Unless you're deaf.

Everyone has a guardian angel.
If you are dying in a hospital, don't worry. Your angel is just on break.

It's what's on the inside that counts.
Like your blood and you organs and your bones and...

If you fall off the horse
Fake whiplash and sue the owner for everything he's got.

Mom knows best
Unless she's on crack.

There's no place like home.
And there's no place like jail either.

Free Willy!
Free Jeff too!

There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow.
And there's a convict at the end of every trailer park.

It's not worth crying over spilled milk.
Unless you paid $500 for it. (Moron.)

You're as stubborn as a mule.
You're as ugly as one too.

Tomorrow is another day.
January 5, 1783 is another day too. So what's your point.

Just keep smiling.
Someone will take the picture eventually...

It's raining cats and dogs!
Look! Now it's raining bombs too!

Listen to your heart.
It will lead you to the happy snacks.

Death is not the end.
It's actually North Korea (inside joke)

Blood is thicker than water.
That may be true but that doesn't help you stranded in the desert 'cause you can't drink blood. Well you can but......Ew.

Hold onto your socks!
Hold onto your shoes too. They'll be the first to go.

Nothing is as bad as it seems.
Yes. It's much much worse.

Technology is our friends
Yes, and that's why we have machine guns

Everyone has a purpose
Except you

Love makes us do crazy things
Stalkers are proof of this

Make love not war
In truth, that's a very inappropriate statement

Nothing in life is free
And that's why we have prostitutes

The best things in life are free
After that revelation, prostitutes became illegal

Cat got your tongue?
That's disgusting! What were you doing?! French kissing it?!! (Sicko)

There's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow
That's also where all the gays are

Have brotherly love towards your fellow man
Gay party! Gay party!

Ya know what you do when you're feelin' down?
Make someone else feel bad and then laugh at their pain

Destruction breeds creation
I'm sure that's EXACTLY what Hitler was thinking too!

If looks could kill
We would have all died by now

Change is good
Ya hear that hippies?! Change your freakin clothes! (Damn hippies.)

Be positive!
Ok. Congratulations sir! You have aids!

Just keep on dancin'!
Cause this thriller, thriller night!

Try not to forget!
Don't worry! (I'll just try not to remember.)

True friends have your back
Seriously?! No freakin' way! For realz?!