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A Story by Zahin

And now I'm broken.

I look up to see everyone gathered around my body. Everyone. People I know. People I don't know at all. Shoppers, tourists, cashiers from nearby stores, children, adolescents, the homeless. All looking down at me, with the same look on their faces. No one says anything, but I can hear from their expressions.

"Poor girl,"

When someone calls my name, I realize that I haven't blinked for a while. But when my eyelids come in contact with the bottom of my eyes, my entire body begins to throb. Burn. Sharp pain. Mental pain. And I am broken. Broken from head to toe. Broken from the ends of my hair to my toenails. Broken from my core and out.

Shattered into tiny, minuscule pieces.

Pieces. Pieces that had no value of any kind. Pieces that no one cared about. But now they have all the attention. Everyone is suddenly staring at them like they're pieces of some sort of comet instead of pieces of me.

Someone screams.

Someone screams after what seems like an hour. The ring of people around me is being agitated. Someone is coming. Someone I know is coming to me, because I can hear his voice, and I can hear the familiarity of the way my name sounds on his lips.

"What did you do?!" He screams in my face when he makes his way into the crowd. There is no reply from me. It burns to think about trying to form words with my mouth.

He's crouching down on his knees, next to me. He looks funny this way. He never stoops down so low to anyone else's level.

And then there are sirens. But there's no point. I'm already gone. The last of my soul is escaping my useless, worthless body. At this point, I can't hear a thing. He's saying something to me, but I can't hear him. Instead, a muted, but sweet ringing sound is lulling me to a deep...deep...

© 2015 Zahin

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Featured Review

iNSOMniAC

Ooh! I love this! Could you possibly turn this into a book, or at least a novella? I'm extremely interested in figuring out what happened. What did the girl do? How is she dying? Is she dying at all? Who is the man? Why are there sirens? So many questions, such little time! It was a great piece, though.

Suggestions:
"At this point, I can't here a thing." You could replace the "here" with "hear."

Posted 9 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

9 Years Ago

Oh my gosh, thank you so much! Yes, I know there are quite a few mistakes in my writing, but thanks!.. read more

9 Years Ago

True. Sometimes, it is better to let the reader write out the rest of the story. Still, great work! .. read more

Reviews

sarathorpe

I absolutely adore this. The beginning caught my attention: "And now I'm broken." because it's such a simple yet powerful statement. Yours is the first piece of writing I've ever read that reminded me a lot of my own style. I felt as if your story reflected mine, in a lot of different sense. Wonderful imagery, leaves a lot to the imagination. Absolutely love it. :3