Fate or Faith

I crawl through my skin in hopes to find NO MORE PAIN. At the end of the day I'm whispering silently to myself the things I wanted to say. Insanity leads me to do it again. When will I wake up! When will it change. They've hurt me with words...called me a c**t, w***e, s**t, b***h, n****r lover, cheater, user and more.... I've HATED them for so long.

I wasn't perfect, defected by 5 and told to be a good little girl and take that ride. He stole my virginity, he raped me with his beer. 8 yrs later he should have been a dead man, but now I look at his despair. You thought you were family, maybe of kin....you gave me a cousin of sin...your nothing but a f*****g drunk till this day with a crack w***e girlfriend with maybe AIDS on the way. When you die, I will THANK GOD you're gone...just to keep the rest of the kids in this world preserved for wholesome.

 

You tried to throw me out of your car going around a corner as you knew I had no seatbelt on. Windows down in hopes I fly out. You've back handed my precious 15 yr old face, not once, but twice and youcontinue to tell me, you ....“LOVE" me. I lost our baby at 17, just a slip on the ice, but no worries. She would have suffered the hell that I once thought, was my first love to a coward glove. How dare you take my innocence from me at such a young age. You're an a*****e from one dad to another. You LIED to me when you told me you "LOVED" me. So I hurt you bad and slept with your best friend.

 

You were different and spiteful I was. You were the first black guy to be all up in me. 11 yrs older and suppose to be wiser. None the less, twisted by the ghetto to become reckless. I ran away from home to be with yr dumbass. Lived in my car with a Down Coat for a blanket. We ate at yr friends house whom you had sex with. Clueless was I, cuz I was a n****r lover for sure. You had no brains....just a lot of cocaine days of making babies. Thank you for punching me when I was Prego, breaking my wrists to force me to cook at 3am....or catch another beating for I was your WHITE slave...Now it's about to begin, stealing the radios out of my car and blaming the neighbors....over and over again to get high, slamming my car into a building, leaving me broke dry, and selling my gold and belongings, punching me cuz there was no more crack ceptis. Your addiction beat the sense into me.....like a punching bag and a knife to my throat...THANK GOD that night I was able to stab you in the middle of the night. I hate you for the pain you instilled.....You also said that you" LOVED me"......ONE DAY YOU'LL GET WHATS COMING TO YOU :)

 

Come along sweet snowballer that you are. Smelling like Macy's to die for. Yr dimples had me dreaming of what a guy you'll be....yup.... I'm naked at yr friends house and with some delay...there's a knock at the door, and it won't go away. You had to be a flirt as she came to the door. 3 months later and I'm having your baby. You leave when he's 5 days old...can't take the crying, he can't be yours. Like a fool that you are...come to find out... it wasn't his, he was you. Months go by and come on home...Big D's in the hospital and almost bout to die. Where were you, I don't see you...that's right you didn't care....So I packed yr s**t and broke yr fingers in the door. You're a duesch bag for sure. 2 yrs later we meet in college. Your looking really good and I'm still waiting for you to come home. We make our amends and I trust yr a DAD....2 wks later I'm having yr baby....Decisions, Decisions, what should I do....run to the clinic for means of contraceptive. I buy you yr love, I give you the world, to only find out that yr cheating on me 3 wks after our 3rd kid. You make me sick just like the rest. Sperm donor you were and sperm donor you act. Your foolish decisions lingers the kids to be b******s for life. One can't stand you and the other thinks of suicide. God gave you 3 liv’s and you lived through them all. One day your time will come again and you'll ask God again to save you for the sake of your kids. Don't bother.....cuz yr already dead to them. THANK GOD I RAISE THEM.....CUZ THEY ARE MINE....Mommy will never leave you and your beautiful souls....I'm sorry yr daddy hurt you and I will die for yr pain anyday. I will walk great lengths and sell my soul to the devil to make ends meet for us 3.

 

Here come a man so slithering as fine. Got that INK and bad boy image and sweet as pie. Speaks with fork tongue but I don't care. Just tell me you have kids and I'll play mom and more. Oh look, we can play house... sex is great but go tie them up, I don't want 8. You’re a master of fatherhood with great life xp. You teach my kids to me men and respect their mom as it should always be. Your pot leaves you paranoid and your time of dreams. Want to be a drummer, singer, writer one day..... I strip my clothes to make ends meet. Give you a house, and dinner on your plate and clothes for you to call me a w***e for those needs. You tried to take yr life on the 490, in hopes to end yr life. I struggle and argue with you over the price. Your a Fallen Angel who just wants to die. I'm the bread winner for sure you are not. I'm not complaining just take care of the house as you are. Your life is good and so are the kids...what more do you want? I'm not enough love.... you want all to adore....you even aloud a man to enter your back door. I leave you in Florida for ....Are you kidding me.....I will never be your 3rd w***e!!!

 

Here came a man so pristine and fine....has a beautiful smile and has ran over a mile. Has everything if life that money could buy....can give a woman the luxury lifestyles. When the diamonds are bought and the money is spent....I'd rather snuggle and love you, cuz you have a beautiful smile. Your eyes glow with dazzel and your heart is as big as the world. I wish that wife of yours had never hurt you, cuz your money means everything to her. I have what little I do myself, but there is nothing more that I want except to unconditional love you!! I'm not crazy in mind, just crazy in love with you.

 

I've overcome more in life than this bullshit. I not mad or angry anymore for the a******s in my life....There's only a few good men in my life ....1. being my daddy (God rest is soul). 2. My 2 children and the 3 is still UNKNOWN. I know what I desire and how I should be loved, I would never treat the ones I love like the above. My need to be treated with kindness and love.....not a doormat, tramp,sugarmomma or a glove.