Smooth in All the Right Ways

A Story by ZackOfBridge

Little bits I didn't know what to do with

The zoo, oh how the zoo’s toiled for the sticky attention of children and the sexually frustrated parents.
We have animals, animals that you won’t see, can’t see any other place.
Except the television, magazines, internet, cellphones. You can see them there, sure. But they live and breathe here.
Their s**t piles up here! Watch them long for the Great Plains of Africa, see them grind their snout against the glass, against the fencing. Experience the Hippopotamus open his mouth. Toss fruit at the b*****d! Just come, push a stroller around, you can litter if you want to, smoke when you need to, and leave anytime.

I collect toys and make a mask of them. Thomas The Train is my nose. A marble is the eye to my right and a jack is the left.

I once opened a store and all I sold was time, at a discounted price. Black Friday came following the a*s of the Turkey. People camped outside my place and waited. Eventually, I opened for them and they stormed mad. They needed all the time they had lost camping out in front of my store.

I fell in love at a gas station. Regular unleaded had come down to $3.14 a gallon. I got so hot, the whole station went up in flames.

When I quit smoking it was tough. The nerves were soon to get to me. The only thing I could do was turn to my typewriter for relief. It was a little harsh at first, but smooth in all the right ways.