Stellar

Thoughts from a distance

Smoke in my eyes,
you are on the other side
Thank god or whatever
we never talk to each other
Lifted to your face,
go blow your smoke in outer space
Thank god or whatever
Eternity won't last forever

If you could step into the sky
how far would you go beyond
what you could describe
If you float away
then I will tell you goodbye
To me you'll always be, stellar

Lifted to your grace
Go blow your smoke in outer space
and think about the worth
of your silence in the universe
I heard it's cold up there,
enough to hit you like a breath of fresh air

Reviews

[Eliza Mae]

Lots of good vibes with this one.. I'm feelin' it!

Such beautiful imagery, you really stole my soul and made me feel small.

"If you could step into the sky, how far would you go beyond what you could describe?" - Very thought provoking! Thanks for this :) *fist bump*

[Zakari Schmidt]

Aw thanks Eliza! Your words mean a lot and I'm glad you've enjoyed some of my writing :) *fist bump explosion*

[AprilRN1210]

another one that has a powerful ending.. I love the ending... jeeez.. makes me wish I had come up with it.. this one made me giggle again.. love the snarky tone... love the repetition in this one, really reinforces the message and adds to the power of the last stanza which packs quite a punch... well done, I say!!

[Zakari Schmidt]

Haha thanks!! :D my rough draft ending was different but when I stumbled upon those lines I thought they would finish with the tone id carried through the poem and a lot of my writing lol...I can be a brat :) I don't repeat lines a lot but felt it went good here, I'm glad you agree! Thank you April!

[AprilRN1210]

yea, I don't use repetition much, but sometimes it "fits" and works well.. this is one of those times.. you are welcome sir, it was my pleasure:)

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

I really enjoyed this poem. The rhyme scheme is perfect I do not think I would change a thing. This seems like a really eloquent way to tell someone to f**k off lol, please excuse my language but that is what I get from this. Really enjoyed it. Great Write!

[Zakari Schmidt]

Thank you very much! And you're right haha. No worries w language I'm just glad you liked it. I was very meticulous in forming the rhyme frame for stellar, thanks again :)

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Well your effort has paid off the flow is seamless and effortless to read. :)

[Zakari Schmidt]

Thanks dude! For me, my writing is effortless to read, that's awesome you found it so too, I always wonder how other people actually read the flow of what I write..and vise versa. Fluid rhythm is a goal of mine when I start something new. (I assume for everyone lol) Your reassurance means a lot!

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

Glad to help a good flow is something I strive for as well so I understand.
p.s. Not a dude lol

[Zakari Schmidt]

Sorry Jessica lol I'm real bad about "dude"...my little sister...my boss' father...dudes. Haaaa

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

lol its cool I was just kidding

[Jessica Lynn Polley]

lol its cool I was just kidding