Free-bees

 

 

We are travelers above the land of the free

We can go wherever we want to bee

No boundaries are able to entrap our soul

We find joy, and suffice in every little hole.

 

Color doesn't matter blue, black or yellow,

We treat each other in a pleasant mellow.

We don't know envy and unending greed,

But how to help the little ones in need.

 

We speak coherently full of honey and rhymes

Of the tales of the braves of past times.

Tolerance, not bigotry, is what we preach

And pride is just something out of our reach.

 

Work seems beautiful and we never complain.

Neither harsh summer nor winter nor rain

Stops us from being what we're meant to be

The life goes on and so do we.

Author's Note

Reviews are appreciated. You can freely point out if there are grammatical errors I would work to remove those.The example I took to describe the freedom is of honey bees.

Reviews

[Mai L Nissen]

I love the metaphor :) Enjoyable read!

If I should mention something though, it would be this
"Tolerance not bigot is what we preach"
I would write the following instead:
"Tolerance, not bigotry, is what we preach"

And this sentence, although I know what you mean, it risks being understood as suppressive type of pride, by saying it is out of reach:
"And pride is just something out of our reach."
Perhaps instead:
"Pride is something for which we do not reach"? or something like that.

Thanks for sharing :)

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you and yes I believe you are right. I should correct it.

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Also about the price being out of their reach. I tried to use it as a metaphor, they can't reach pride because everyone of them are equal.

[Mai L Nissen]

Okay, fair enough :)

[James O'Rourke]

Nice poem Yusuf!

Very light-hearted with a flowing rhythm. Love the metaphors and the jovial language you chose for this piece. Overall, this is a very enjoyable read. Thanks for sharing with us!

[Sheila Kline]

The analogy of the honey bee and its freedom is wonderful! You have covered so many aspects of "us" and how we should be as the "bee"!
Wonderful, creative words deliver a message for us to take to heart.

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you.

[Ana B.]

Beautiful tribute to life and strength.....Gorgeous life :)

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you.

[Neo]

This poem makes me smile.
I do have a comment about the line "we treat each other in a pleasant mellow." It doesn't actually work together as a sentence because "in a pleasant mellow" is trying to be a prepositional phrase, but mellow isn't something one can be "in," so the sentence doesn't work grammatically.
I know you were trying to make it rhyme with yellow, but maybe if you go back and rework the line, you can keep mellow and save the meaning.
Thanks for sharing. :)

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you very much.
Would "with a pleasant mellow" work ?

[Neo]

That's still a prepositional phrase.
The word mellow by itself is an adjective and can become a verb. You have to say that something IS mellow. Right now "pleasant mellow" is just two adjectives next to each other. You could say "pleasant mellowness" and that would be fine, but to use mellow, you have to say that something is being mellow.

[Bear]

Standing Ovation! First let me say you titled it perfectly and your choice of rhyming words and their sequence could not have been better (to often people over think it and end up complicating things). This is a well constructed poem, thank you for sharing it.

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you. I'm happy you liked it.

[Saddam]

No boundaries are able to entrap our soul
We find joy, and suffice in every little hole.

Well said and great write here. Its mean a real Freedom.
Great read.

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you.

[Deepika]

A very good theme as well as the writing. Liberty of thoughts, speech and actions exercised as our rights! Neatly described (y)

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you.
Also the example that I took to describe it is that of bees.

[nazia]

Gives a true sense of freedom. The actual meaning of what it is like living without any discrimination... I applaud both the choice of topic as well as the way of writing.. well done Yusuf :)

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you so much. I also tried to leave a few hints about the example of creatures I was trying to convey who are actually free.