Nothing Lasts Forever

A bitter-sweet experience, that makes my eyes salty.

When the first time we met

I won't forget that feeling ever

I thought my journey's all set

but you said that nothing lasts forever

Eventually we came so close

I was the thorn you were the rose

I said I wouldn't hurt you ever

but you said that nothing lasts forever

When the first time I asked you out

What am I going to say ?

what are you going to say ?

That was all I was thinking about

Now my mind started wiggling

My heart was heard giggling

This was the first time ever

I said to myself, that nothing lasts forever

The love for you grew seven fold

I could not hold it any longer

I said to you "I Love You"

And the answer was not fonder

You were all over my mind

But you only wanted a friend

I don't know how many times I've tried

But my heart doesn't understand

It was Not the same as it was before

You were gone and never coming back

The aces were not enough and

The queen was missing  the deck

For it was  starting of a new life

when we were no more together

a long walk on a sharp knife

for the bird who lost its feather

There is love in the air

but I don't know how to breathe

your memories are choking me

because memories last forever.

Author's Note

These are my first attempts towards poetry.
You can, without hesitation, point out any flaws.

Reviews

[Deepika]

T"he aces were not enough and
The queen was missing in the deck"-- I found these lines outstanding to show the incompleteness of the speaker's life without his beloved one.
"a long walk on a sharp knife
for the bird who lost its feather" --These lines shows the intense agony of parting with someone that's become a part of our soul.
Finally the feelings in the last stanza were great. Good job :)

[Helen Crutchett]

Good job! Ah, the pain of unrequited love....how we have all felt that at some time. You told it well.

The only thing I would change is "gonna" to "going". That's all.....but I know you youngsters talk like that! lol

Helena

[Yusuf Qaizar]

No that is an honest mistake. I will change it. Thank you.

[Helen Crutchett]

Keep up the good work!

Helena Blue Rose

[Ana B.]

I absolutely love the last stanza. A very romantic write and very goos for the first atempts :)

[Mila]

For a first attempt at poem, this is a great job. I'm not very good at critiquing poetry, so apologies, but I saw no technical things that needed fixing. Well done!

[Coyote Poetry]

You did a excellent job.
"There is love in the air
but I don't know how to breathe
your memories are choking me
because memories last forever."
The closing lines are taught to the most of us often. I liked the story in the poem leading to the strong ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Mai L Nissen]

I agree with James O'Rourke...
Aditionally, you did a good job of tying the beginning and end together
from the first stanza: 'but you said that nothing lasts forever'
from a stanza in the middle: 'I said to myself, that nothing lasts forever'
from the last stanza: your memories are choking me
because memories last forever.'

You keep the theme alive while the story develops.

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank You. Your review is appreciated.

[James O'Rourke]

Impressive work my friend. You did very well evoking a sense of emotion in this poem. The rhythm of it also helped push those emotions even farther. There were only tiny issues of spelling and grammar, but that didn't really deter me from the whole piece. I look forward to more of your poetry. Thanks for sharing some of your words with us.

[Yusuf Qaizar]

Thank you. It really feels good when I convert my emotions to words. It makes me feel lighter.
I would work some more on my grammar.