Sissejuhatamine

Prologue

“At one point, Earth was dominated by two species: humans and creatures of various forms. They coexisted separately, but the two species remained at peace with one another.

“The humans guided them, teaching the creatures techniques of their ways of hunting, farming, manufacturing, and many other aspects of human life. The creatures modeled their society heavily after them, a monarchy with the Phoenix as its highest-ranked being.

“But, as it always had, human greed overpowered them.

“It began with human invasion into the largest village of the creatures, where the Phoenix resided.

“The old Phoenix had recently been reborn, as his reign cycled every 500 years. He was much too weak to fend off the humans as they slaughtered, kidnapped, and tortured his kind to the brink of extinction.

“The Phoenix had a daughter, half creature and half human, by the name of Miyu. She insisted to reign in his place until he reached full maturity to take on his role once again. The humanity in Miyu was fathomed by many nobles, but the village ultimately had no choice as they knew she was the only one who could.

“With the spark of this intense, bloody war between two dominant and peaceful species, grueling trials lied ahead for Miyu.

“No one knows exactly what trials Miyu faced, nor her story within that period of time. But the outcome of it all: Miyu saved us with the creation of Malune.

“With those Miyu was able to save, she reconstructed their village in this new world. After a couple hundred years, Malune expanded, becoming more than stable, more than repopulated; it became their own. They were able to carry its kind in their own area, their own world, all without war or bloodshed.

“A barrier was placed to obstruct any human or human-made item at its entrance. This ensured that humanity could never attempt to destroy them again, as humans had a tendency to repeat history.

“Miyu gave the surviving creatures the ability to change into a human form. Buildings built for the size of a human simplified the societal structure of Malune.

“Overtime, the creatures became nocturnal as they adjusted to Malune's darkness.

“Miyu passed at age 500, and citizens declared her as their goddess. A grand cathedral and temple were built in her honor.

“Born on the same night as her passing was a baby girl, one who citizens noticed carried the same scent as Miyu. The same scent as the Phoenix.

“Every 500 years, an old Phoenix burned as a new Phoenix rose from the ashes. Creatures referred her to several names; the Guardian, Our Guardian, or the honorific title: The Black Phoenix.”

…

“This is odd,” the pastor muttered. “You gave birth to two.”

In the ashes between the pastor and the young mother lied two newborn babies; one boy, one girl. Both babies looked exactly alike�"identical. Despite the chilly breeze of the spring evening, the mother's face was beaded with sweat from the strenuous contractions occurring just minutes before. As rejoice echoed from the hundreds of huddled citizens below, the pastor and the mother gazed at the babies wide-eyed�"puzzled.

Even so, the pastor went on to inspect the babies individually. He started with the girl with the ash-coated back.

Doleful, the mother's ruby eyes drifted to the baby boy. But they soon inclined, watching her red-faced daughter drowning in the pastor's black drapes as he turned her this way and that. As the wails of their cries shrilled into the navy night, her heart warmed�"strangely enough. The mother soon retrieved her daughter from the pastor's arms, and cradled her in her own. As the mother brought her daughter closer to her chest, her cries subsided. The warmth in the mother's heart flourished, seeping all throughout�"

“He must die.”

An instant shot of icy fear replaced the warm flow as her eyes shot open. They darted to the boy in the pastor's arms, alarm constricting her chest�"scorching her throat.

“How could you say that? He was just born�"!”

“Shall the girl?”

The mother glimpsed down at her baby girl clutched to her chest, instantly struck with utmost rage. She just bore them, and already death was in question?

“Both of my children will live,” she growled, her voice quiet yet hard. “Whether you say so or not.”

Silence heaved between them with tension. The mother's eyes hardened on the pastor�"in part with rage, in part to hide her fear of the pastor's vast shadow of darkness with what should have been his face.

“I wish to do as you request,” he finally stated. “But there cannot be two guardians.”

“I will not allow this!” she hissed, pressing her cheek to the baby girl's head.

Beckons from below echoed to the tops of Miyu's Temple, startling them both once again. Demands that melted her fear, opened her eyes to peer at the citizens who stood at her side. The pastor soon mirrored the young mother, his stance firm despite the opposition.

The pastor bowed his head. “This must be done. I apologize.”

Ami's heart leaped, her vision blurred. But she knew her son was within the pastor's arms of black drapes, his screams muffled as the drapes enclosed around his small body. She tried to advance towards him, but the contractions of a bearing mother demobilized her. She attempted to snatch the pastor's cloak, but the constricting pain increased with every little movement she made. Hoarse but desperate, the mother's cries resonated far past the top of Miyu's temple, the crowd of citizens by the hundreds, the murgin trees of a mud-mound forest known as Kugrim�"

A jolting screech more alarming than any child's scream shrilled into the blackened skies. Squinting her eyes closed, Ami shoved her palms against her ears. When the screeching ceased, she noticed how silent it was. Not a single holler echoed from below, not a single cry from her son or daughter�"

Ami opened her eyes, aghast to find her baby no where near her.

Where did she...?

Before Ami was a stifled pastor, who stared down at the two babies in front of him. Both slept humbly side-by-side on the ashes, like they were never disturbed.

“How did...?”

The pastor inclined his head to face Ami, but her eyes remained on the baby girl. She was as amazed as she was perplexed. Ami sensed her babies auras for the first time�"both were completely content. What...did her baby girl just do?

“It is the girl,” the pastor murmured.

Ami's eyebrows furrowed briefly, then slowly bounced back up. She wondered what the pastor saw. She parted her lips, drawing in a breath to ask the question...but then decided it was better not to ask. Not now.

The pastor rose to his feet and lifted both babies into his arms, pacing to the edge of the nest. Ami scanned the attentive crowd of what populated Malune's capital, then drew her eyes to her babies cradled in the pastor's black drapes.

“These children shall live. Together…” the pastor left the last sentence dangling as he turned to face Ami. “Your son will make a profound protector.”

Ami simply smiled, one that lifted much tension off her shoulders.

Facing the citizens, the pastor finished his declaration. “The girl is Our Guardian, the boy her protector...Rejoice!”

Cheers and claps roared to the tops of Miyu's Temple, filling the young mother's heart with new-found hope, joy, and a warm flourish of certainty.

“Ami.”

The mother cocked her head forward, the pastor now kneeling before her. He handed the girl back into her arms, then the boy. Together, the twins seemed stronger and happier�"a sight that enlightened her own aura.

“Their bond is strong. You must keep it that way.”

Ami gazed into the pastor's hood of darkness and nodded. 

Author's Note

I appreciate all kinds of comments and criticism to help me become a better writer~ Thank you~

Reviews

[Ryan Yates]

Hi, this is written so well, it really has continuity and structure from the start of the chapter to the end. A couple of things I noticed.

1. the contractions of a mother bearing part. I think you can describe this a little better. It is a little unclear i think. maybe say it in a simpler way.

2. your descriptions are really good however i think some of your word choice is a little distracting. usually the simplest word is the best to use. the most descriptive. "Inclined his head" - "raised" is fine, inclined is not quite as clear and this distracts the reader from the story. its good to have a wide vocabulary but try and use the word that describes the action in the clearest way.

really good though, i want to read on.

[Yurie Lee]

Hi~ thank you so much for reviewing~! It really helps me out~!

[Kyle Wynn]

Very interesting story, I can't say much about any grammatical errors as the two other reviews already hit all the ones I noticed.
It has some potential and was very enjoyable. The part where the pastor points to the boy and says he must die was a nice little surprise that I didn't see coming.

[Yurie Lee]

Aawwww thanks~

[Sesame]

Hello Yurie,

Interesting story, well-written and it has a nice pace to it.

“This is very odd,” the pastor spoke. “You gave birth to two.” - I could really appreciate this sentence. It is a good prelude on what is yet to come.

I have but two suggestions for improvement.

1) should a mother not have some difficulty walking etc. after giving birth to twins?

2) a boy and girl can't be EXACTLY identical because they are from a different sex.

Regards,

Sesame

[Yurie Lee]

Wow I didn't think of that, haha, thank you so much, I would have never spotted them otherwise~

[Bear]

Critique: (They gazed up in attempt to see) in an attempt
(the pastor raised hand in the air) raised a hand in the air
(the water thrived into an swirl of ice blue) into a swirl of ice blue

Review: It is an interesting story, it was a little confusing at the start as there was little setup, but it fell into place quickly enough. You could use this as a prolog page to give readers a taste of your story and tease them to read on. You should do well with this storyline, it has just enough intrigue and hint of mystery to draw people in. Good luck with the stroy and I want to thank Alondra T. N. who sent me the read request for this stroy :~)

[Yurie Lee]

Awww thank you so much~