Sissejuhatamine

Prologue

“At one point, Earth was dominated by two species: humans and creatures of various forms. They coexisted separately, but the two species remained at peace with one another.

“The humans guided them, teaching the creatures techniques of their ways of hunting, farming, manufacturing, and many other aspects of human life. The creatures modeled their society heavily after them, a monarchy with the Phoenix as its highest-ranked being.

“But, as it always had, human greed overpowered them.

“It began with human invasion into the largest village of the creatures, where the Phoenix resided.

“The old Phoenix had recently been reborn, as his reign cycled every 500 years. He was much too weak to fend off the humans as they slaughtered, kidnapped, and tortured his kind to the brink of extinction.

“The Phoenix had a daughter, half creature and half human, by the name of Miyu. She insisted to reign in his place until he reached full maturity to take on his role once again. The humanity in Miyu was fathomed by many nobles, but the village ultimately had no choice as they knew she was the only one who could.

“With the spark of this intense, bloody war between two dominant and peaceful species, grueling trials lied ahead for Miyu.

“No one knows exactly what trials Miyu faced, nor her story within that period of time. But the outcome of it all: Miyu saved us with the creation of Malune.

“With those Miyu was able to save, she reconstructed their village in this new world. After a couple hundred years, Malune expanded, becoming more than stable, more than repopulated; it became their own. They were able to carry its kind in their own area, their own world, all without war or bloodshed.

“A barrier was placed to obstruct any human or human-made item at its entrance. This ensured that humanity could never attempt to destroy them again, as humans had a tendency to repeat history.

“Miyu gave the surviving creatures the ability to change into a human form. Buildings built for the size of a human simplified the societal structure of Malune.

“Overtime, the creatures became nocturnal as they adjusted to Malune's darkness.

“Miyu passed at age 500, and citizens declared her as their goddess. A grand cathedral and temple were built in her honor.

“Born on the same night as her passing was a baby girl, one who citizens noticed carried the same scent as Miyu. The same scent as the Phoenix.

“Every 500 years, an old Phoenix burned as a new Phoenix rose from the ashes. Creatures referred her to several names; the Guardian, Our Guardian, or the honorific title: The Black Phoenix.”

…

“This is odd,” the pastor muttered. “You gave birth to two.”

In the ashes between the pastor and the young mother lied two newborn babies; one boy, one girl. Both babies looked exactly alike�"identical. Despite the chilly breeze of the spring evening, the mother's face was beaded with sweat from the strenuous contractions occurring just minutes before. As rejoice echoed from the hundreds of huddled citizens below, the pastor and the mother gazed at the babies wide-eyed�"puzzled.

Even so, the pastor went on to inspect the babies individually. He started with the girl with the ash-coated back.

Doleful, the mother's ruby eyes drifted to the baby boy. But they soon inclined, watching her red-faced daughter drowning in the pastor's black drapes as he turned her this way and that. As the wails of their cries shrilled into the navy night, her heart warmed�"strangely enough. The mother soon retrieved her daughter from the pastor's arms, and cradled her in her own. As the mother brought her daughter closer to her chest, her cries subsided. The warmth in the mother's heart flourished, seeping all throughout�"

“He must die.”

An instant shot of icy fear replaced the warm flow as her eyes shot open. They darted to the boy in the pastor's arms, alarm constricting her chest�"scorching her throat.

“How could you say that? He was just born�"!”

“Shall the girl?”

The mother glimpsed down at her baby girl clutched to her chest, instantly struck with utmost rage. She just bore them, and already death was in question?

“Both of my children will live,” she growled, her voice quiet yet hard. “Whether you say so or not.”

Silence heaved between them with tension. The mother's eyes hardened on the pastor�"in part with rage, in part to hide her fear of the pastor's vast shadow of darkness with what should have been his face.

“I wish to do as you request,” he finally stated. “But there cannot be two guardians.”

“I will not allow this!” she hissed, pressing her cheek to the baby girl's head.

Beckons from below echoed to the tops of Miyu's Temple, startling them both once again. Demands that melted her fear, opened her eyes to peer at the citizens who stood at her side. The pastor soon mirrored the young mother, his stance firm despite the opposition.

The pastor bowed his head. “This must be done. I apologize.”

Ami's heart leaped, her vision blurred. But she knew her son was within the pastor's arms of black drapes, his screams muffled as the drapes enclosed around his small body. She tried to advance towards him, but the contractions of a bearing mother demobilized her. She attempted to snatch the pastor's cloak, but the constricting pain increased with every little movement she made. Hoarse but desperate, the mother's cries resonated far past the top of Miyu's temple, the crowd of citizens by the hundreds, the murgin trees of a mud-mound forest known as Kugrim�"

A jolting screech more alarming than any child's scream shrilled into the blackened skies. Squinting her eyes closed, Ami shoved her palms against her ears. When the screeching ceased, she noticed how silent it was. Not a single holler echoed from below, not a single cry from her son or daughter�"

Ami opened her eyes, aghast to find her baby no where near her.

Where did she...?

Before Ami was a stifled pastor, who stared down at the two babies in front of him. Both slept humbly side-by-side on the ashes, like they were never disturbed.

“How did...?”

The pastor inclined his head to face Ami, but her eyes remained on the baby girl. She was as amazed as she was perplexed. Ami sensed her babies auras for the first time�"both were completely content. What...did her baby girl just do?

“It is the girl,” the pastor murmured.

Ami's eyebrows furrowed briefly, then slowly bounced back up. She wondered what the pastor saw. She parted her lips, drawing in a breath to ask the question...but then decided it was better not to ask. Not now.

The pastor rose to his feet and lifted both babies into his arms, pacing to the edge of the nest. Ami scanned the attentive crowd of what populated Malune's capital, then drew her eyes to her babies cradled in the pastor's black drapes.

“These children shall live. Together…” the pastor left the last sentence dangling as he turned to face Ami. “Your son will make a profound protector.”

Ami simply smiled, one that lifted much tension off her shoulders.

Facing the citizens, the pastor finished his declaration. “The girl is Our Guardian, the boy her protector...Rejoice!”

Cheers and claps roared to the tops of Miyu's Temple, filling the young mother's heart with new-found hope, joy, and a warm flourish of certainty.

“Ami.”

The mother cocked her head forward, the pastor now kneeling before her. He handed the girl back into her arms, then the boy. Together, the twins seemed stronger and happier�"a sight that enlightened her own aura.

“Their bond is strong. You must keep it that way.”

Ami gazed into the pastor's hood of darkness and nodded. 

Author's Note

I appreciate all kinds of comments and criticism to help me become a better writer~ Thank you~

Reviews

[Ryan Yates]

Hi, this is written so well, it really has continuity and structure from the start of the chapter to the end. A couple of things I noticed.

1. the contractions of a mother bearing part. I think you can describe this a little better. It is a little unclear i think. maybe say it in a simpler way.

2. your descriptions are really good however i think some of your word choice is a little distracting. usually the simplest word is the best to use. the most descriptive. "Inclined his head" - "raised" is fine, inclined is not quite as clear and this distracts the reader from the story. its good to have a wide vocabulary but try and use the word that describes the action in the clearest way.

really good though, i want to read on.

[Yurie Lee]

Hi~ thank you so much for reviewing~! It really helps me out~!

[nightshade]

I like where this story is going and it is definitely an interesting beginning. I do think that you need to explain the religion so readers understand why the boy was go be killed and you might want to explain what is so important about the girl being a guardian. I look forward to reading more

[Gregory Stires]

this first chapter is good. i like how it kinda of setting the scene for the main parts of the story. and it doesnt explain like what a guardian is so it will keep people reading to find out and how will the children turn out when their older.

[Yurie Lee]

Thanks so much~!

[Uche Paul]

Nice Effort... Big Step of A Mightier Destination. Kudos!

[Yurie Lee]

Thank you~! Sorry I'm a little late, but thank you~!

[Sora The Egotistical]

I've never seen a scene go from happy to dark so fast lol. I'm predicting this to be just an introduction and maybe the next chapter will timeskip to the kids grown up (or at least teenagers) and coming into whatever powers or role they're supposed to take on. I'm a little confused by what's prophesied, or maybe it's just the word choice... The girl is supposed to be the 'Guardian' and the boy her 'Protector'; aren't a guardian and protector ideally the same thing? If they trust her to guard something why would she need a protector? Couldn't the person protecting her be able to protect whatever she's guarding? I don't know, maybe that'll be explained as it goes on. The passage does do a good job of foreshadowing and making itself seem like the tip of the iceberg to an epic fantasy adventure. Maybe use a little more description for the setting and other details, as I wasn't entirely sure until about halfway through where exactly this was taking place and who was present. I look forward to reading the next part though.

Now for a lightning round of spelling/grammar nitpicks:

1. "Cheers of rejoice" isn't all cheering out of rejoice? No one cheers out of sadness.
2. Nowhere is one word
3. There should be a space after an ellipsis (i.e. "protector... Rejoice") and there's a little typo near the end when you say "the twins seemed stronger and happier"
4. "Ami's heart leaped" I was gonna say it's leapt but apparently leaped is also a word. So never mind I guess...

[Yurie Lee]

Woooow, I never thought of it that way (the guardian and protector thing) but I do plan to explain this further later on. And thanks for the grammar tips and writing tips I really appreciate it~!

[Crimson Apples]

YASSSSSSSS!
Twin powers, ACTIVATE
Anyway, this was well written, and left me hanging for more. I enjoyed reading it, because it was WoNDerFUL, and a great way to introduce your readers to a new book.

[Yurie Lee]

ThAnK yOU so mUCh~! :D

[NightWatch]

This is honestly amazing. The way you captured Ami's emotions throughout is far better than what I could do. I love that you used italics to emphasize speech. I don't know if other people do this when they read, but I always act scenes out in my head while I'm reading. When there's little nuances like emphasis in words, it makes it easier on me as a reader to imagine the character, as well as adding depth.
There's a thingy that you might want to check. It's the third to last line, and it says 'happier"a'. I think that there was once a dash there, but when you posted the chapter it changed it into a quotation mark. It's happened to me a couple of times .-.
Anyway, this is awesome. I can't wait to read more... tomorrow. Well, later today. It's after two in the morning and I need to sleep T^T

Also, I'm uber intrigued about this whole Guardian thing XDD

[Yurie Lee]

Woooooow~! Thank you so much~! This soooooooooooooo made my day~! And yeah, about the quotation thing, I figured that would happen. I'll check up on that~ :D

[NightWatch]

No problem! Glad I could help X3

[KingDavid]

The story is very interesting and I'm a fan of Fantasy stories like this. Your descriptions are very avid and indulge the reader. The prologue is reallg good but there's somethjng I need to point out.

If there is a difference in gender, they are fraternal twins but... who cares about the small details.
The language is good but there are a few minor flaws which I'm sure, can be corrected. All in all, I like it.

[Yurie Lee]

Thanks so much for your review~

[KingDavid]

You're welcome!

[Tomoe Tellez]

I think this new version is good, it's shorter and more direct. I could only point out one thing wrong in this and it's that you keep putting these apostrophes " and you don't close them in the paragraphs, check it over and you'll find them more than once, they kind of distracted me while I was reading it. Everything else is fine. Great job!

[Yurie Lee]

Thank you so much~! Oh, and those distracting apostrophes, haha, when I was writing this I used special character hyphens. So when I pasted it onto the site, they turned into apostrophes for some reason. But I will fix them~ Thank you again~!

[Blue Bird]

Very well written. I like how you keep me interested. I'm a hard judge one first chapters because if I can't keep interested in them then I normal don't finish it. But its really good. :D

[Yurie Lee]

Thank you so much~ This is the rewritten version of what I previously had, and I worked so hard on it, so again, thank you so much~! :D