Candy Cane Chilrdren

In many ways, the twins weren’t like other children their age. While their classmates were content to amuse themselves with slides and swings, the twins would be found huddled amongst themselves in the corner of the playground, no doubt plotting some sinister prank . But despite their peculiarities, the twins shared the universal adoration of Christmastime that all children did (which stemmed from the universal adoration of having things, and getting new things).

 

This year they decided they would each receive firearms.

 

They would point their loaded guns at each other, knowing that they both had the means to kill their sibling right then and there. Of course, neither of them would actually shoot, and the fact that they would both come out of the stand-off alive would be a testament to the strength of their fraternal bond. However, if one indeed did pull the trigger, they discussed, the other would know in his dying moments that between the two of them, he was the one with more humility, more restraint – the better one.

 

And so they recounted this to their father, who nodded with understanding. It was shaping up to be a very good Christmas indeed!

 

When the 25^th finally came along (and let me tell you, it took its time in getting there) and the twins saw the stash of gifts under the tree, they were rather excited! They surveyed the collection and discussed amongst themselves which box would contain the guns they were so desperate for. Eventually they agreed their pieces were most likely in the heaviest box, so they weighed each box in their hands and set aside the heaviest one (saving the best for last as was their custom). 

 

After sifting through clothes, action figures and toy cars, the twins each had only one box left – the one that really mattered. Their parents smiled at them expectantly; they probably thought they would enjoy the act of giving and seeing their children’s reaction just as much as the twins would enjoy receiving the presents. They were wrong of course – the twins really wanted these guns.

 

Eagerly and unceremoniously, the twins tore off the wrapping paper and cast it aside, but their excitement was cut short when they discovered they had not received real firearms, but they had instead been given water pistols.

 

Water pistols.

 

The twins were never known for their restraint, but the degree to which they remained calm in those few moments after disappointment of that magnitude was truly to be admired. They politely explained to their parents that there had been some misunderstanding - they had requested real guns. Neither of them would be in mortal peril with a water gun pointed at his face – there was simply no point. But they were nevertheless willing to be patient and wait a few extra days for their parents to procure the real guns.

 

They thought all this was rather big of them.

 

But their parents didn’t understand. They told the twins it wasn’t possible.  

 

In the twins’ minds, this was not an acceptable outcome, and all the effort they had put into keeping calm was abandoned. Their anger swept through the house like a tempest, leaving broken and discarded Christmas decorations in its wake. Together, they toppled the Christmas tree like a newly liberated society tears down a statue of an oppressive dictator. Their parents watched in stunned silence as the twins each snapped their water pistols in half and threw the remains into the fireplace. Finally, the twins shrieked at their parents that the true meaning of Christmas was utterly lost on them, and then they promptly marched out of the house.

 

The ground outside was covered in a thick layer of snow, and the twins made a couple of snowmen while wandering around their neighborhood – it seemed like the only thing to do. Then they remembered they were angry, and kicked the snowmen back to the ground, deciding that they were effigies of their parents.

 

Eventually, the twins’ wandering brought them to the local church. While these weren’t religious twins, a sign outside reading “What Christmas is really about” enticed them into entering.

 

Inside, a man with a soft yet carrying voice warned his congregation that with every passing year, Christ - their lord and saviour - was being increasingly overlooked in favour of the more marketable Santa Clause. The twins didn’t quite understand what the man was talking about; after all, if Christmas really was a celebration of some guy’s birthday, then why did everyone else get gifts?

 

The twins went back outside and discussed at length what they thought Christmas was really about. They agreed that the Jesus Christ theory was false, but they also acknowledged that they had placed too much importance on their materialistic desires.

 

But if Christmas wasn’t about Jesus, and it wasn’t about presents, then what the f**k was it all about?

 

For the answer, they knew they could turn to one man and one man only – Santa Claus himself. So the twins made their way to the local shopping mall, where they expected to find Santa Claus, no doubt with a rosy-cheeked little fellow on his lap (telling him what his Christmas wishes were). But his throne was empty!

 

The twins were appalled. The man had been there since late November, and of all the days he chose not to show, he chose Christmas day. Unbelievable.

 

The disgruntled twins asked the local shoppers where in the world was Father Christmas. The ones who had the decency to answer (and not to ask if they had lost their parents) suggested that he must be sleeping, no doubt tired after spending the whole night delivering presents.

 

That was all very well and good, but where did that leave the twins? Not only had they not received what they had been hoping for, but they disgraced themselves at home and failed to find the true meaning of Christmas to boot!

 

This was shaping up to be the worst Christmas ever!

 

Defeated, the twins continued their aimless wandering around outside, until they were picked up by a policeman. At first they were worried they had gotten in trouble for bashing the snowmen, but as it turned out the policeman returned the twins to their home; apparently their parents had been worried sick about them!

 

Wasn’t that nice!

 

And so, the twins and their parents huddled up by the fire, listening to their favourite CD of Christmas carols and reading “’Twas the Night Before Christmas”.

 

And finally, they realised what Christmas was really all about.