Being different, being sad and i still embrace it-Chapter 1

My whole life it have been weird.From the day i can remember something, I knew i was different from my whole family.I try to fit in but I'm just too different. My family is all about make friends and being social, while I in the other hand I just like to be alone.This have gone for years. My brother was a sport dude and so was my step father. Not me I spend my entire childhood playing video games and doing weird things.

I always been a fan of the paranormal and I'm always looking for something new in it. I been fan of just one sport nothing more and I spend my day meditating or playing video game. Always alone nothing bothering me. It felt amazing never in a million life i would change it. This as little child is priceless but there always the school side in which i was way different. I was a happy child which was weird to me because i enjoy to be alone. I laugh like a child should, i play, scream you know the normal child thing to do but once i got home. I will always be at my room.

Not having your father in the picture is painful enough. Knowing that your father was a drug addict and lie to everyone is real hard.You stop and start thinking "am i a son of a b*****d?" and more unmentioned thought.I tend to brush it off and when i was in third grade. Me and my brother when to his house  for the weekend.I use to think it was because he care about us but i was far from the true. He only take us just for not to pay what he had to pay.When i found out the true it shred me to pieces and I turn into a darker person slowly. My father use to mock us but he mock me more then my brother just because I was the fat, short son.The mockery really took a heavy toll on me. I brush it off most of the time but it still there specially when i was alone and in school i change. He use to mock me about my speech impediment, it was hard enough and i was shy enough. Now i was embarrassed about it. I wish in that time i was death or even be a normal child.This was heavy stuff now that i think about it. I could be in a much worse situation but it still a hard thing.

The true about my father was that he was avoiding the "bill" on us. He insult us and ran away to never been discover not even by ghost. My mom took me with her to many places and i overheard the conversation. He deny us, lie about us, rejected us, and insult us not just me but my two older brother. Now not only that he did this to avoid us but now he was getting married again and soon having a daughter. He never call, never see us in secret never. Seeing this made me realize "who am i?where do i come from? and how can i be the son of a monster?" This question made me a emotional tragedy.

If there a memory i can savior and i was truly happy in that it got to be me being alone in my room. Where the darkness embrace me and nothing could hurt me. I know I am different, I embrace it because there nothing more. I am who I am nothing more nothing less.