Blue Rose and Raven: Chapter Eight

The Beast comforts Marius as he opens up about his insecurities.

Our walk led us to the garden. Rows of finely trimmed hedges covered in white tufts of snow lined the brick paths and large elegantly carved statues stood tall and proud against the night sky. More lanterns flaring with blue fire illuminated our path. All the while, I walked the Beast’s slow and steady pace.

            “This garden has been my special place of reflection for many years. Now that you are here, I wish to share it with you.” The Beast said, her cane clacking against the stone path. “Each evening after breakfast, I ask that you walk with me. We may talk, or we may simply walk and share the moment. I only want to share this with you.” She stopped, raising a talon. “This is only a request, mind you. If you wish, you may refuse.”

            “I accept, my Lady,” I replied, bowing my head. “I appreciate your generosity, truly. If I can repay it any way, I will gladly do so.”

            The Beast looked amused. “You are very polite, Marius Dufresne. Tell me, are you still afraid of me?” She purred.

            “If I answer wrong, will you turn me into a toad?”

            “It’s a simple question.”

            “No. I’m not afraid of you, m’Lady.” I said truthfully. “I’m just…trying to adjust. But if staying here means my family is taken care of, then I see no reason to fear you.”

            “Good. If you are happy, that is what matters,” The Beast said, nodding. She leaned on her cane. “And as I’ve said before, if there is anything you desire, please ask and I shall give it to you. So please indulge me: What do you desire?”

            There was that feeling again. That sense of longing reignited by Mother asking of requests for gifts on her journey to the coast. It was too great to ignore, like a gaping wound that refused to heal. I desperately wanted to paint again. If my life ended tomorrow, I would die happy knowing I was able to indulge my passion one more time. “I want to paint again.” I answered. “That is all I want.”

            The Beast nodded. “It shall be done. Say what you need, and it will be provided.”

            I furrowed my brow. Was it that easy? “I need an easel, canvases, paintbrushes, paints, oils for drying. Am I being too demanding?” I asked.

            “It is done.”

            I looked around at the empty air. “Just like that? It’s all here?”

            “Just like that.”

            I was speechless, unsure of what to say next. I knew it was foolish to doubt my eyes now, but I was still slightly suspicious about my host. Anything I desired and she could give it, except for being allowed to come home. It felt like a joke, albeit a very cruel one. “Then, in that case, may I return to my room?”

            “You may,” The Beast said. “You are my guest, after all.”

            “Thank you, Madame.” I said, taking her hand and bowing. I then departed the garden.

            The way back was thankfully easy to find. The servants saw to that. Back in my room, the blue fire erupted in a plume of light. In front of the large window, a thin easel stood with a large suitcase. Upon closer inspection, I saw there was a stack of finely stretched canvases laying not far from the easel. Inside the suitcase was a full set of paintbrushes, paints, oils, and whatever else I needed to begin painting. I ran my fingers around the tips of the brushes: camel and horsehair of the finest kind. Each paint was of the finest pigment and in unopened containers. In that instant, something caught in my throat. I set down my massive trove of supplies and sat in a nearby chair. I forced down tears that threatened to fall. What was happening to me? Why was the sight of this something that made me cry? It shouldn’t have been so potent. But now I felt like sobbing. It was the smell of the paint, I think, that brought them back. That pungent odor of minerals mixed with oil that raised what I’d tried to bury nearly a near ago. It was the news of my teacher’s death, my family losing everything, our struggle to stay afloat, leaving Mother sobbing in the snow. Why did I go in her place? I should have just let her go. But then it would be us missing her. It would be Mother whose sacrifice brought us back from the brink of poverty. What was my family thinking at this moment? In that cold village where the sun could rise, what did they desire?

            Then it dawned on me. My desires overrode my better judgement. Mother’s request reawakened the demon and it possessed me. Our new life had no place for something as useless as a painter’s apprentice. I was the only one of the family who could not find steady work with something practical. If I was gone, then the dead weight would be gone.

You always knew, a poisonous voice in my head whispered. You just didn’t want to admit it.

I felt so selfish. My desires to be whole had also harmed those closest to me. With that, I finally burst into tears. I slid out of my chair and hugged myself close. There was too much I couldn’t bear to take anymore. It all felt so disparate and disconnected, but it fit together. In my mind, I attempted to follow the thread of causation to understand why this feeling now possessed me but found nothing. There was no singular cause for it. Just a web of incidents which led me to this incident where I could bear the weight of it all no longer. I sat and cried in my room for a while. Exhausted from the effort, I finally crawled into bed and fell into dreamless sleep.

The next two days I spent in a trance. I woke to a soft knock on my door where I joined the Beast for breakfast. We then walked in silence in the garden for a time, after which I left to return to my room. A knock on the door was the signifier of a summons, as lunch and dinner were prepared as well. I chose instead to stay in my room for those times and have it delivered to me. Like the breakfast, it was among the greatest food I’d ever tasted. But in my current state, I didn’t feel like being around others any more than I needed to.

It came one night, then, that I heard a small knock on my door. I was sitting by the desk, staring out the large window. I turned at the sound at the door, expecting the large-hatted servant who’d become my regular attendant. The door creaked open, and in stepped the Beast. Her raven face had an inscrutable quality what with being an animal’s visage. But there were times that a recognizable expression was visible. It was her eyes that held an expression of concern. “Are you well?” She asked.

I said nothing.

The Beast hobbled over and sat in a chair next to me. “Something troubles you. I can see it.” She said, straightening her posture. “I wish to help you.”

“I don’t know how to explain it.” I said glumly.

“If it is too difficult, then I will leave.”

“No! I mean�"” I rubbed my eyes, still swollen from crying. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say. It’s too much. It’s all too much.”

“I see,” The Beast replied, her eyes falling to the floor. “I assume this must all be very difficult for you.”

I laughed humorlessly. “That’s an understatement.”

“Even still,” The Beast added. “As my guest, you care not where you come from or what you feel. I only wish to make you comfortable. If something upsets you, I will do everything in my power to fix it. And you will see no judgement from me from whatever troubles you.”

We sat in silence for many long minutes as I digested her words. Finally, I nodded and said “Okay,” in a quiet voice.

The Beast nodded in return. “Is there anything else you need?”

I shook my head.

“Then I will take my leave.” She sat up, using her cane to hoist herself out of her chair. “Then I bid you bonne nuit.” She started toward the door.

“Thank you, Madame.” I called after her. She looked over her shoulder, bright eyes glinting in the dark. She stared for a minute, then nodded to me before gently shutting the door.

 

Author's Note

General thoughts. Hope you all enjoy!
NOTE: This is has been revised from the original version. The last portion of the chapter has been moved to a later chapter.