Chapter One

The first steps are always the most important, they are the ones that are more remembered than the fifth time or the last. As time passes by those first steps, even engraved into someone's memory through videos, begins to become more as a memory you recall only at certain times. At times that you may or may not remember later on in life. I suppose that this is one of those times...

My mother's sobbing could be heard through the curtain of lead that covered my eyes. No matter how hard I tried to move, open my eyes, try to comfort her, it became apparent that I was not going to budge. The blackness of unconsciousness overcomes me once more as my mother's sobbing seemed to fade into the background.

The sound of a door opening stirs me for a second time, I was still locked in place not moving an inch. I can hear a whispered conversation, and the sound of peaceful breathing. I recognize one voice in the whispers. My father. He is speaking to someone whose voice I do not recognize, it sounded like an older voice. Someone with wisdom and knowledge. My head begins to spin, and once again, the curtain of blackness overcomes me.

Beep... Beep... Beep... I can hear the sound of a machine beeping, it sounds like a heart rate monitor. My body still feels heavy, but through minutes of struggling and trying to gather up strength, my eyes crack open only a little, but just enough to allow me to see what is in front of me. Hospital bedding, a soft knit blanket. I can only tilt my head a little, but just enough to see the silhouette of a women in the corner of my eye. She was sitting in a chair next to me asleep, it was my mother. Her hair was disheveled, obviously uncared for for days. I could not see her face as it was too dark to see anything in the room other than her silhouette, and the lights off of the machines. My eyes feel heavy and begin to fall despite my struggle to keep them up and stay awake.

This time I dream... Rather than the pitch black a light flickers in my unconsciousness. Almost like a tv being turned on, an image or rather a memory is revealed to me. Ah, I remember this. The image is of an open stage, deep blue curtains hung around the walls of the stage blocking peering eyes of what was on the other side. All lights are off besides a simple white light that shone in the middle of the stage. Light footsteps, like that of a child, walk towards the light, stopping in the center of it. The child, was me. This was when I was auditioning for a boarding school that only took in exceptionally gifted students.

Slowly, the child drew a single foot in a circle, the music fading in through the background. It was a piece from Mozart, Requiem was the name I believe, my dance mentor chose it for me. When the music reached a certain point of volume the child- I began dancing. A form of ballet that took me months to master. Something that I had practiced till the blisters on my feet had become a permanent scar, an example of my commitment, of the love I held for dancing. This memory, it was a reminder of my passion. Although, why it was shown to me. Why I dreamt this, is all but a mystery to me.

The weight on my body seemed to get lighter as I slowly peek my eyes open. The sunlight glaring past the curtains blinds me. I can hear the heart rate machine speed up. Once again I try to open my eyes, and see past the light. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust before I see the hospital room. It was small, tons of machines with names I didn’t know. All of them were hooked up to me. I had a face mask on regulating my breathing. My eyes slowly scan the room, till they rest on the chair my mother had been sleeping in earlier. It was empty, her jacket was draped over the back of it. Past the chair was several bouquet of flowers, all of them my favorite. At this point the heart rate machine is beeping non stop. My heart was racing, along with my brain. The breathing regulator had been removed and was resting on a table next to my bed.The only thought going through my head was “What's going on...?”. The last thing I remembered was when I was loading all of my belongings into the back of a moving van. I was preparing to move into a college dorm. I had climbed into the vehicle and... That’s it I can't remember anything else, it just turns into a blur of jumbled memories.

My collecting of thoughts was disturbed as the sound of a door opening jolts me back to the present. It was my mother, she was on the phone with her head down. Her hair was greatly disheveled, the only thing holding it in place was a clip. Her features seemed to have aged 10 more years since the last time I saw her, she seemed to have gained more worry and stress lines on her forehead. As she began to walk into the room, I wanted to get up and hug her, comfort her, despite having no idea what was going on. Odd.... My arms and hands are moving, even my head. Everything is working fine, but my legs.

I can't feel my legs... My thoughts are racing along with my heart. The sudden increase of beeping from the heart rate machine causes my mom to look up, her eyes widening as she whispers somewhat of a good bye into the phone and drops it. She rushes to my side as her phone clatters to the ground,and she begins pulling my head into her bosom and placing her cheek against my hair.

“Baby.... Oh my baby...” My mother sobs, one head on the nape of my neck, the other on my shoulder.

“Thank god you're okay....” She whispers, almost like a prayer.

“M-mom...?” I croak out, suddenly realizing the dry cotton mouth I had developed.

“Shh... Shh... It’s alright, everything's alright now. You're safe now.” She whispers, stroking my hair gently. I felt like a child again as a sudden memory of her comforting me before a performance  shone through my thoughts.

“What happened...?” I ask, and before she gets the chance to answer I ask another question, the one that's been pressing on my mind all this time, “Why can't I move my legs...?”

Suddenly, a silence fills the room. No more sobbing, and sweet whispers. The only sound penetrating the barrier of silence was the sound of a clock ticking away, each tick like an echo that began to fade into the background as I waiting for her answers.

“I'll go get the doctor...” My mother says, sniffling. She completely avoided the question as she rubbed the tears out of her eyes and quickly detached herself from me. She tried to act calm as she rushed to the door, leaving the room quickly. It would be over 5 minutes before I can hear her voice outside my hospital room, along with an elderly man's voice.

They begin to enter my room after a minute or so of discussing something in a muffled conversation. The elderly man entered my room first, his hand on the doorknob as he made an awkward smile in my direction.

“Alexandra Sanders... Am I correct?” He asks, only glancing at the chart sheet in his hand for a moment. I cringe at my name, I always hated being called Alexandra. I prefer Alex but I hadn't the time nor energy to correct him.

“Yes,” I more or less manage to say, the end seemed to get lost in my speech.

“I am Doctor Bradley, I will be taking care of you for now.” He says, once again throwing the awkward smile out again. He begins to walk into the room, coming to my bedside with the chart raised against his chest.

“Do you know where you are?” He asks in a sincere tone, his free hand- the one not hold the chart- held a pen in it as he began to write on the chart.

“Yes... I am at the hospital.” I reply, only now noticing a paper cup filled with glass water at the end of my bed. I lean forward a little, stretching my arm out to it, once again the nonexistent feeling in my legs becoming apparent. My mother, who was standing in the doorway, rushes in to the rescue, taking hold of the water and bring it closer, moving the straw in the lid to face my mouth.

“Thank you.” I say, trying to take only a small sip, but that sip turned into the whole cup being drained of water without a breath between gulps. The doctor stands there patiently, waiting for me to finish as he began to write more things down. When I finished the cup he began speaking again.

“Do you know what happened to you? Why you are in the hospital?” He asks, pen at the ready.

“No.. Last thing I remember was getting into the moving van.” I say, my mouth finally a little hydrated. Before he has time to speak again I cut in, “why can’t I move my legs?”

The doctor's eyes widen a little as he sighs, looking down at the chart and setting the pen into a magnetic clip connected to the chart.

“You were in an accident... A bad one. Another driver- one in a unattached semi, had fallen asleep at the wheel-” He cut off there, refusing to look at me as he just went back to scanning the chart in an effort to avoid my confused gaze. “His wheels turned left suddenly and... Well... He ran into you. When we got to the scene, you were-” He hesitates glancing over to my legs. “You were pinned inside the driver's seat. Something had fallen on front and crushed it with your legs at the bottom...