A People Pleasing Language... What is Love?

What is Love?

Today’s society is constantly overwhelmed with the extreme expectations of pleasing people.  We are people pleasers, no matter who you are, what you do, where you seem to be, everyone wants to please everyone.  But what else are we missing?  We’re missing meaning.  Meaning behind our language, our actions, and sensibly.  As human nature, we do what we think people want from us.  Love is one of the pieces of language that is thrown about, unnecessarily, between two people who may think they know what the feeling is like.  The honest truth is; they have no clue, what real “love” is.  Love’s definition is forever intangible to society. “Love is patient, love is kind.  It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV).

The Definition

Love is the intense feeling of deep affection for a person or thing, a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone or something (Webster’s dictionary).  In elementary terms, love is “feelings for another”.  And that is exactly what the world has changed love into today.  It is just another simplistic feeling of emotion in everyday life.

Love is the most spectacular, indescribable, deep euphoric feeling for someone.  Love is an incredibly powerful word.  When you are in love, you always want to be together, and when you are not, you are thinking about being together because you need that person and without them your life is incomplete.  This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone.  It is when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other.  When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that is how much you care about them and because their needs come before your own.  You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.  It is when they are the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they are the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity.  Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other.  It’s the smile on your face you get when you are thinking about them and miss them.  Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end.  Love is intense and passionate.  Everything seems brighter, happier and more wonderful when you’re in love.  You find it, don’t let it go.

Where’s the Meaning?

In everything we do, there is always a meaning behind the action.  It may not be reasonable, sensible, or sincere, but any action comes with a reason.  So where’s the meaning in “love”?  

I have recently been in a relationship that lasted a length of eight months and so many odd days.  A couple weekends ago, I decided that the relationship was very unhealthy, completely unstable, and very depending on ourselves instead of God.  So, I listened to the Lord… I ended things.  I had thought that it would have been more heartbreaking to see the shattering confidence of the guy I had thought I “loved”.  But as I looked into his hazel eyes, I felt… nothing.  No regret, sadness, or doubts flooded my aching mind.  My heart did not lerch when his tears began to roll down his cheeks.  My skin was as cold as ice, though it was a chilling sixty-five degrees and drizzling rain.  But I was shocked.  More compelled, making me think I was a heartless wretch that just dated him for the label.  We had said “I love you” and thrown the big ol’ “L” word around numerous of times.  But as the months went by and he was constantly clinging on and using the word, I realized that I know nothing of love.  I thought, ‘if love was like this, I never want to get married’.  

I realized that the two of us were just throwing around a word that has so little meaning now than it did in the past.  Love used to be sacred, and left for only one person; your spouse.  Bodies were saved for the one you married and first kisses were left for the wedding day.  Now we see women on television, giving their own bodies to men who are too drunk to function, or those who promise a good life.  We hear about it at school, it is promoted through movies and music.  There is no doubt to when I say:  impure love and lust is everywhere.

There’s No Judgement Here.

Judgement.  Judged for being a woman, judged for being a christian.  Judged for having an incurable disease, judged for having a stutter.  Everyone is being judged at this very second, no matter what you think or who you are friends with, everyone is judged.  

Christians are usually the main targeted judgement group, mainly because we are the ones that everyone thinks are doing the judging.  Judgement comes from the lack of self confidence and the reassurance that you are better than someone in a certain special something in this world.  An example, I have recently made friends with my inner demons.  Yes, inner demons, emphasis on inner.  Not saying I was possessed by an evil blood sucker, but I was controlled by lust for looking nice and wanting people to like me. Dude, reality check, not everyone is going to like you.   Anywho, back to the main purpose; we are judged whether we are a goody-two-shoes with cardigans and turtle-necks, or a bad girl/boy with tattoo sleeves and purple hair.

My focus point here, is that love should not be judgemental.  When I was in my brief relationship, all I felt was judgement.  I felt judged for what I wore (mainly because he was one of those dress nice everyday guys while I lived in baggy sweatpants and hoodies), what I ate (also because I ate three times more than what was on his plate), and what I spoke around him and his friends.  I don’t swear, curse, or use the Lord’s name in vain, but boy oh boy that boy’s friends knew how to swear up a storm.  

Even my own boyfriend judged me for how I looked.  The first week we started dating we began to talk about the summer, our special plans, and what we should do for our anniversary and birthdays (mine was June, his was July).  And so that topic of swimming came up in the conversation, and with every guy, you know how that leads.  Straight into bikini talk it went, and I sure as a feathered duck felt materialized.  He kept saying how he can picture how beautiful my body would look in an ice blue bikini, and he can just feel the droplets of water falling from my tan skin.  I quickly stopped his head from floating further into the clouds by stating, “I don’t wear bikinis, I wear tankinis.  And have you looked at my skin?  I whiter than Casper the friendly ghost.”  I do not think I will ever get rid of the look he gave me that day.  His face fell and he looked at me as if I had just ripped his heart out and crushed it like that Evil Queen.  

That was the first time I ever felt like my spirit was completely crushed.  Swallowed by the whale that swallowed Jonah, but instead of spitting me back out, I was put through the grinder.  I knew that he did not approve that my skin stays a lighter color, so I added the simple, “give it some time, I’ll get tan throughout the summer.”  But instead of the understanding reply I was hoping for, I got the blunt, short, “good.”  

Ouch.

Love Can Wait.

My point is that love is not judgemental.  It’s not jealous, or deceitful.  It’s not forceful, or boring.  I’m going to be cliche right now, but true love waits.  I am actually watching the Once Upon A Time right now, and (I know it is only a show), I have grown to love the “true love” between Snow White and Prince Charming.  The love that they have is truthful, kind, compassionate.  They share one heart (literally and metaphorically… my apologies if you have not gotten to that episode yet).  Snow and Charming are the ideal “true love couple”.  What they have is what we all should have.  

I have realized that this article could last for what seems like forever, and I sincerely apologize for getting off topic so many times.  But (for those writers out there), when you have something on your mind you can control the length, but when something is on your heart, it is a never ending story.  I know that I am rather young, and with very little experience in anything, but I hope this is held to heart.  

“With all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love.”

~Ephesians 4:2

Author's Note

What are your opinions on LOVE? Comment what topic you want to see next.

Reviews

[Caleb]

My opinions are not so much as on love, but on how well you played your message out. You can take my criticism however you like, but I do hope it becomes beneficial. Although I enjoy using first and second person when writing, it is not best suited for certain situations. If you want to appeal to someone on an emotional level, then first person is the way to go. If you want to play on logic and reason, third person all the way. The emotional card was the best way to handle this topic. I agree completely with you on the majority, but there are a few statements I could argue; I am actually tempted to write an article countering this, but that is for a later time. Grammar wise, you were fairly spot on. Of course no one is perfect and occasionally a mistake is made. Example, "Love used to be sacred, and left for only one person; your spouse". In this case, you incorrectly used a semicolon. It may have been there to add a dramatic pause, but it came as juvenile or inexperienced. You did use them correctly in other parts from what I was able to tell, but a good article always needs multiple proof reads before its perfect. "Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other." The use of and/or is unneeded and may cause a little confusion. In effect, it says that love involves affection and devotion; although, with the use of that or, it comes off that there is a possibility that love could either be affection or devotion, but not both. You may have meant this I am reading it wrong, but this may just be something that we disagree on. All in all, the article was great. In my opinion, you should have ended it with the never ending story thing in the conclusion and move the last sentence back, but again it's a personal preference. You should never really apologize for your writing, but I do see the point you were making and it played well with your overall tone. Going back to the last sentence, you should leave your audience with something to ponder. State what you believe and then call on them to believe what you believe. Besides the grammar, all of this is my personal why of writing and convincing people to think like me. All writers have their own technique and tend to dislike the way others say things that do not match up to how they say it. You are a really good writer and I hope I can see more of your writings.

[Mediocrity]

I agree that love is a really intense thing and shouldn't be taken lightly. The other day i was opening up to someone about how i was in love and what it felt like and they were like "whoa that's really intense" and they made me feel like I was weird to feel so deeply. But after reading some of the points that you make in this lovely piece, I've concluded that the way that I've experienced love is actually not weird at all. According to your definition, I'm feeling it in the exact way that I should be. It's amazing to me how so many people that I know confuse love with other feelings that they have or how conditional love is really what most people call "love" and then it just ends with divorce or a broken friendship. When i say that I am in love, it's not even accompanied with sexual attraction or feelings of romance. My love has actually just stemmed from a deep admiration for someone that I look up to. And I guess my friend was right to say that it's intense because love is intense. But that's not a bad thing and I think that a lot of the time, people in this society are so afraid of love and other feelings of vulnerability that they're so quick to judge those who have embraced these emotions. I really felt the passion that you put into this entry. Well done.