Wake Up

A metaphor for relationships, the transparency of life, or just fun with words?

 Wake Up

So you’re sleeping and you’re breathing deeply

Dreaming seems to be completely

Free beneath the sheets you neatly

Squeeze between your feet you see me

Seething - I’m green with envy

Beaten - I’m feeling empty

Meant to vent pretentious energy

Ten percent depends on lethargy

Sent to gently dent your memory

Let’s pretend I’m less competitive

Anyway - you’re letting me settle this

In a way - you’re getting the benefits

Whether or not / it’s better forgot

You never can stop / the veteran’s plot

It’s very upsetting to bet if you’re lost

Remember vendettas forgetting the cost

Of Honesty - you’re learning to serve

Ferocity - it’s burning the earth,

Preferring to nurture the curse of the church

Referring to murders of persons of worth

Inferring that further deference is worse

Deterring occurrence of purposeful birth

Firstly - too nervous for words

Conversely - they’re perfectly served.

Bursting the limits of mirth is imminent

Curving the will of the verse is infinite

Sitting considering riddles and synonyms

Intricate symbols of intimate simpletons

Gentlemen - they’re trying to hide

Impotent - no fire inside

Blind to kindness kind of stifling

Try defining the lie - it’s trifling

Finding that kind of excitement expired

Inquire as to why all this spite is required?

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP PLEASE

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP PLEASE

WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP

Author's Note

Part of a larger project, but this snippet gives you an idea. If you're gonna mistreat it, beat it.

Reviews

[Sophy Freebirds]

Well anyways this was a brilliant poem in a way.. :) using your words to complimemnt you. Really this was a great piece- you have gone to the depth of meaning of each word"gentleman- trying to hide,impotent- no fire inside.. " hah! Your sarcasm knows no bounds.. well written piece

~Sophy

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks again for the kind words Sophy, what you say is true - I do find it hard to keep a lid on the sarcasm, ha!
I hope you enjoy the rest of my work, I look forward to viewing yours.

-Robin

[Sophy Freebirds]

I do enjoy it! I am eager to read your work.. :) was a pleasure

[Evi S.]

Wooow! Great work! Going to look for more!

[rach]

I love the rhyming structure, the words are beautifully laid out.
I could just keep reading on and on, almost in a trance till you woke me up at the end :P
I adore your work.

[Sairi]

Very well-written. I like the rhythm and flow of the words and how this carries itself.

[Anahat]

Wow...Spellbound :)
BEAUTIFUL BEAUTIFUL SIMPLY BEAUTIFUL :)
Couldn't find even a single line i could say is not my favourite :)
Love Anahat

[Stonz P.]

"Preferring to nurture the curse of the church
Referring to murders of persons of worth
Inferring that further deference is worse
Deterring occurrence of purposeful birth"

BRAVO!
This is a superb piece; all the allusions are spot on, for me atleast.
Life is not one to be toyed with.
Please, do go through my works, too and review. I want to know what you think of them.
Thanks for sharing.

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks Stonz P. ! I'm glad you enjoyed and were able to grasp the metaphor, I try not to be too subtle in my sarcasm. Thank you also for the excellent praise, it inspires me to keep writing, I look forward to perusing your work!

-Robin

[Priscilla Sayers]

You've force me to say this in the open....
This is brilliant!
The metaphors witty and quick to make each point precise.
I love each and every line. To Wake UP! It is a Profound message, no matter what your intentions were....
You got my attention with this, mind blowing excellence.
Not flattery
Truth

[Christopher Robin]

Oh no! I've drawn you out into the open, quickly, here's an umbrella, hide from the light!
Thank you for your kind words and most exemplary praise! It blows be away that you can have such a great connection to my words, it's very inspiring and motivational for me as of course I intend to write more. As you can see I'm a little bit of a perfectionist so each piece does take me a little bit of time, I still have one or two terrible old gems to get up on here before everything that comes after will be brand new. I am working on a few pieces simultaneously and look forward to future works, a well as reading yours! Thank you again and again!

-Robin

[Priscilla Sayers]

My pleasure;) AND well deserved;)
LOL... Think I lost my umbrella...

[Latifa]

the rythme here is spotless, I love the last line and the urging and the heated emotions that we feel when we read them.

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks Latifa, my mission is always to go for a 'spotless' rhyme, comments are truly appreciated!read moreThanks Latifa, my mission is always to go for a 'spotless' rhyme, comments are truly appreciated!

-Robin

[KWP]

I wouldn't say spotless .. but spoken word poems can always get away with so much more ... I like the concept .. well done x

[AprilRN1210]

the rhyming adds such a lyrical melody that is so pleasing to the mind and ears when read aloud.. the flow gains momentum as you continue and becomes intense towards the end, driving the point home powerfully.. what a fun piece!... some of the lines in this were sheer brilliance and made me wish I had thought of them myself... I like the deeper meanings in this playful layered piece.. the more you read it, the more you "see"... this is the first piece of yours that I have read, and I have to say, I really enjoyed.. nice job!! will be back to read more:)

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks April I'm glad you enjoyed it. A few friends have mentioned to me with my writing they will see one thing on the first read, and another on the second. First and foremost I like to have fun with words, pushing the limits of rhyme, the second layer, the subtext (sometimes not so subtle) is not always so deliberate, but always delightful when I read it back. I suppose whatever part of my subconscious fueling the rhyme also wants to add substance to it haha!
Thanks again for the wonderful review, I hope you enjoy my other work.

-Robin

[AprilRN1210]

you're welcome, was indeed a pleasure... and yes, sneaky subconscious always finds a way of slipping things in our writes that when read back later make you smile knowing where it came from and wondering how it got in there..

[An owl on the moon]

A powerful, rhythmic thrust of words... words that sleep and awaken in a world so overwhelmed with silences. Make the thoughts dance!

[Christopher Robin]

Thanks for the review Craig, I'm doing my best to raise the bar in the realm of rhyme, I really do appreciate a poet as accomplished as yourself stopping by for a view, and to get a review also I feel quite honored. I'm sure like me you've browsed the depths (oh such depths) of misused prose and talent on this website. I truly hope to wake people up from the contorted world pulled over their too-eager eyes.