Prologue

Every story has an origin...

When Mankind first learned of intelligent life outside of the solar system, the world was thrown into a frenzy of new scientific discovery.  Instead of using the newcomers as test subjects for study, most leaders of Earth welcomed them into their home.  It was a time of enlightenment, similar to that of the Rennaissance.  With the aid of the aliens' knowledge, scientists have made breakthrough after breakthrough. The most memorable being the discoveries of cures for diseases like cancer, Alzheimer's, and most forms of Down Syndrome.  With these discoveries, lives all around the world were either changed or greatly improved.  

At the same time, technology has also made major innovation.  The standard automobile no longer required the use of rubber tires and instead, were remodeled into more updated versions of themselves with new features, such as gliding through the air at several hundred miles an hour.  Weapons have been upgraded to have more than one setting (stun, immobilize, kill, etc.).  Even the rockets used to send people to the moon have been modified and made to travel farther distances at the speed of light. With this new improvement and the aliens' advanced navigation technology, humans were able to visit the mysterious home planets of their new intergalactic allies.

But with every new era, there will always be a tragic downfall. No matter how perfect.

With aliens settling on Earth by thousands in numbers, jobs eventually became scarce. Larger business organizations were hit the hardest with unemployment and the unreasonable decrease in minimum wage. Many people have lost their jobs being replaced by one of greater knowledge in the work and labor pool. With the national number of homeless people gradually increasing, demands for products skyrocketed...as did the price of those products.

Aliens that have landed in warring countries were easily convinced to ally themselves and join their military. Nuclear warfare was forbidden by most world leaders for fear of spreading destruction and causing more problems than solutions. Aliens began to take human lives, and humans began to take alien lives. This series of unfortunate events continued for the next ten years, until the aliens publicly announced that they had had enough of their knowledge being used as tools for conflict. Not long after, the aliens declared war on planet Earth.

Even after two decades of enlightenment, Earth's knowledge of the futuristic technology was still dangerously limited. Though some other alien races remained true to their alliance and agreed to offer their own knowledge, warring races would still greatly surpass them. They continued to think up new ideas that would hopefully give Earth the upper hand. But with every one new invention Earth made, the enemy would already have about five or six more. With every major battle, human casualties both civilian and military piled up to hundreds of thousands. The world began to take drastic measures, forcefully drafting people into the military. There was absolutely no selections or certain requirements at all aside from physical or mental disability. In America, the required age for military enrollment was lowered from 18 to 16. In Geneva, Italy, most conventions stood abandoned when the losses of human lives continued to increase in number, but still upholding the law forbidding the conscription of any children under the age of 15. Countries that were previously at war desperately allied themselves and threw past grudges away for the sake of the greater good. 

Despite these frantic attempts at victory, the humans' war began to turn into a resistance.

"Marshal!" The private called, stumbling over charred bodies and waving the stinging white smoke from his face and eyes.

"Private, you know goddam well not to call me by my last name!" Captain Marshal barked. If they had still been in boot camp, he would have given the private overtime on the running tracks for that disrespectful utterance.

"Sorry sir, but our squad stumbled across something interesting." The private replied through heavy wheezing as he struggled to catch his breath. Why in God's name did they start recruiting people with Athsma?

"Well, spill it son! Don't just stand their coughing your lungs up." 

The private fumbled for his inhaler. After he was calmed and collected, he spoke.

"A few hours ago, you ordered us to do a sweep of the neighborhood and check for any ambushes or explosives. We moved around to the west side and made our way east down the third street from--"

"I don't need to know every detail, private." Marshal said impatiently. "Just tell me what you found."

"We came across an area that didn't seem as badly affected by the explosion as the others. Everywhere else there are houses and buildings completely leveled. Not a single sign of life in sight."

"Yes? Go on..."

"There were maybe five or six houses that were still intact, but definitely not left untouched. Windows were broken, roofs were caved in, front patios still in flames--"

"For the love of God private, just tell me what the hell you found!" Marshal ordered loudly, receiving a few glances from the officers inspecting a newly vacant shoe factory.

"In one of those houses, we found a survivor. An American woman."

"Well no s**t, she's American. We're in Montana, son." Marshal interrupted once again.

"She's ill, sir. It's possible she was exposed to the radioactivity for too long a time before it wore off."

"Well is their anything we can do to help her?"

"Not likely." The privates eyes drooped. "Her pulse is irregular and many of her vital organs are shutting down, and she's very weak."

"Then leave her. If she's going to die, then there's no point in wasting our time trying to save her. Regroup with your squad and resume your search." Marshal bent to look underneath the Rover behind him, checking for any damage to the power core.

"We can't just yet. There's still one more thing." The private's voice dropped low in a sad attempt at suspense.

"And what is that?"

"She's in labor, sir."

There was a loud bang as Marshal's head collided with the underside of the Rover.

"Sir?" The private asked trying to sound concerned, but there was no hiding the hint of amusement given off by the crack in his voice.

Marshal silently cursed himself and quickly stood to his feet.

"Well, what do you think should happen, private?"

"I don't know, sir. That's why I ran back here."

"What's the chance of the child surviving?"

"Higher than the woman's, but still well below a hundred percent, sir."

Marshal turned to the some twenty men managing the heavy equipment from the larger military vehicles. 

"You men!" He barked. The soldiers' immediate attention sent a spark of satisfaction through the captain. "Which one of you has had experience in the medical field?"

"Sir, I have. Sir!" A soldier in his mid-thirties stepped forward with a salute.

"At ease, soldier. What's your name?"

"Sir, First Luitenant Nathaniel Blackwright. Serial number--"

"Just your name, Luitenant." Marshal spotted the red cross patch on the man's uniform that signaled he was in the medical field. "Have you ever delivered a child?"

"I have assisted in the hospital back home, sir."

"But have you ever done it yourself?"

"No, sir."

"Well, you're about to learn. Private! Lead us back to your squad, if we're going to have a chance at saving that child then we need to get there ASAP."

"Yes, sir!"

The woman was indeed ill. Second and third degree burns covered nearly every inch of her exposed skin, and every once in a while, she would cough and alarming amounts of blood would pour from her mouth. Her eyes darted madly around the faces of the soldiers. After the child was delivered, she lay limp, the last of her strength exhausted. Nathaniel swaddled the screaming infant in a scratchy dark blue blanket. 

Marshal kneeled by the woman to feel for a pulse. Before he could get his hand three inches from her jugular vain, she gazed at him with frightened eyes welled with tears as she weakly breathed a single phrase.

"...Gate...Six..."

Then she closed her eyes, whispering the phrase a few more times as her voice slowly faded. "Gate Six....Gate Six....Gate...Six...Gate......"
        The private who had brought the news felt her jugular vain, then looked at Marshal and slowly shook his head.

"Gate Six?" Nathaniel asked. "What could that mean, sir?"

"I don't know, but right now we need to get that child to safety." Marshal stood, still a bit shaken. "Luitenant Nathaniel, take one of the Rovers and get that kid back to the base on the north side. The rest of you may resume your sweep. If you see anything else, let me be the first to know." 

"Yes, sir."

Northern Military Base-Bozeman, MT

Luitenant Nathaniel waited impatiently while the nurses examined the child in the next room. The infant's cries were audible through the closed door and echoed off the walls of the large, empty hallway. When the door opened and a female nurse emerged, Nathaniel quickly stood from the chair he had been sitting in.

"Well?" He asked eagerly.

"You said his mother had been exposed to radiation?" The nurse said with a nervous glance at the wooden clipboard she held.

"Correct."

She gave the clipboard another look. "It seems he's in good health...at least for now."

"For now?"

"With her being exposed, there will most likely be birth defects. We've run a few tests to see if we could find anything wrong, but found none. We suspect any problems may take some time to make themselves known but at the moment, he seems to be in near perfect health."

"When will we know what's wrong, and how dangerous is it?" Nathaniel asked.

If the nurse was as impatient as he was, she failed to show it. "It could take up to months or even years before any physical signs show. As for how dangerous it is, it depends on how long the mother was exposed. Any longer than three to four hours could be dangerous, any longer than that and the child may not live for very long after he shows signs of any disability."

"We can't keep him at this base, or anywhere on this planet, in fact." He thought for a moment, then turned to leave.

"I'll be back later. Give the kid the best care you can provide."

"That's what we've been doing the past few hours." The nurse replied.

Nathaniel made his way through the maze of halls, paying close attention to the numbers on the doors. Once he found the number he was looking for, he gave the door a few light taps with his knuckles.

"Enter." A raspy voice responded from inside the room.

Nathaniel stood at attention before General Davidson, his hand held to his forehead in salute.

"At ease and report, soldier." The General ordered.

"Sir, you may be aware of our findings in that neighborhood five hours earlier." Nathaniel stated.

"Affirmative. Captain Marshal informed me of it over the radio some time before your arrival with the child."

"Sir, with this planet fighting a war it may not win, that baby can't stay here." He hastily explained. "We need to send him away. There are orphanages located in a few different space stations several hundred light years from our solar system."

"There are no humans whatsoever on any of those space stations. Those aliens may not know the first thing about human child care." Davidson replied harshly. "And in case you've haven't noticed, several hundred light years is not a short distance. It could take weeks for a pod to get there."

"Sir, with all due respect, what other option do we have?" Nathaniel replied. "If we lose this war and that child is still with us, there's no chance the outcome will turn in his favor. If we send him away today, he'll be much better off than if we sent him tomorrow. The Xavians are smart, they can figure it out. Or we can send documents and guides on human childcare."

Davidson rubbed his temples impatiently. 

"I don't have time to argue, Luitenant." He paused, then said, "Fine, I'll give you permission to request a private pod transported here. Now get out. That's an order."

The Xavian made a sort of clicking sound as he was gently handed the swaddled infant, who was now peacefully embraced within his mysterious dreams and completely oblivious to the damaged world around him. Nathaniel handed over a small flashdrive that contained the documents on human childcare.

"I thank you for doing this. We had no other choice, since we just received information on an upcoming nuclear attack."

The Xavian clicked again. "It was of no burden to us. More of an honor, that our orphanage could be more useful ever since the human race began to dwindle." His eyes lowered to a saddened gaze at the infant he was holding. "Now even children no longer exist. Every time a new child is born, war and violence claim it before the child's first birthday."

As the Xavian carried the child back to the pod, Nathaniel gave a salute. He somehow knew that the human race would be far from extinct.

Author's Note

Please give me feedback on my first chapter! Constructive criticism is very much appreciated :)

Reviews

[Morgoth Azreal]

I think that if you changed
"The most memorable being the discoveries of cures for diseases like cancer, Alzheimer's, and most forms of Down Syndrome."
to
"The most memorable being the cure for diseases like cancer, Alzheimer's, and most forms of Down Syndrome"

I also find the repeated use of "Aliens" to describe the newcomers "dehumanizes" them. Which reduces my empathy for them as a reader.
Otherwise keep writing. I hope to see how this story unfolds.

[YouOnlyLiveOnce]

Thanks for that :)
I have had trouble finding other names besides just "aliens" or "beings". But thanks for pointing this out.

[Daniel Farrelly]

All in all I think you have the makings of a very good prologue. However I do have some thoughts which I hope you will find constructive. Feel free to take them on or dismiss them.

Small things I noticed:
->Sentences such as “with every era of peace and happiness there is always a dark ending” and “lives all around the world were either changed or greatly improved” don’t sound very professional, for lack of a better term. Perhaps instead of ‘dark ending’ you can put something more foreboding, or sterile and tragic, like relating the distribution of alien technology to the theory of tragedy of the commons.

-> “nuclear warfare played a large role in the New World War”. Firstly thankyou for not calling it world war 3, that horse has been beaten to death many times over. however at this stage of your narrative there is no reason why the Geneva conventions will not still be in effect, protocol I of which bans the use of weapons such as nukes that cause unnecessary suffering, or widespread, long-term and severe damage to the environment.

-> Later you also state that children from the age of 12 were forcibly conscripted. You could argue that the Geneva conventions would have been abandoned after the human population sustained heavy loses, but I would be cautious in doing this in the case of child soldiers. First world countries such as America might be tentative about forcing kids into service, even at that stage. The Geneva convention forbids conscription of children under the age of 15, but allows voluntary participation of children under 15. It might be more realistic to say “children as young as 15 were forcibly conscripted” or “children as young as 11 or 12 were given arms and taught to fly”

->It might be easier to read if you put a paragraph gap between the end of your introduction and the first dialogue, as the two sections are not related and it will make it apparent that your introduction has ended, improving the effect of your closing line.

-> Later when your grunt soldier is telling Marshal his story, its very obvious that you’ve included this description of the house, the setting of Montana, etc, for the sake of the reader, which makes it less believable as dialogue. It also might work better as inner monologue or as Marshal’s thoughts as he is driven through the wreckage.

-> I have no idea how much research you’ve done on radiation poisoning, so feel free to reject this comment as ignorant, but I would question whether a baby could survive if the mother had been so badly eradiated. I would suggest making this as accurate as possible, so you don’t break the immersion for readers who know the effects of radiation. While by no means a perfect source, I would suggest reading Hiroshima by John Hersey. It follows the events of the atomic bombing of Hiroshima at the end of WW2, and gives great detail about the refugees that survived the blast and how they suffered radiation poisoning directly following the event.

-> Furthermore, I wonder if the woman has to be delirious. A sane woman, covered in burns and lesions and coughing up blood might be more effective and tragic. You might also want to consider basing the entire prologue around the woman, and have her lamenting the decline of humanity. Perhaps she’s preparing in readiness for leaving to Gate Six, or to pass on the knowledge of Gate six to the military, or to simply evacuate, or maybe she’s waiting to die. Tug on the readers’ heartstrings, and you could make them emotionally invested with the babies early on.

-> “her mouth half an inch away from my ear, she breathed in a raspy, broken voice that barely made her one spoken phrase incomprehensible”. I personally think this is an overused cliché. Why doesn’t she just whisper it as she dies? Or mutter it constantly throughout? Would she have had the strength to leap up? Once again I think emphasising the tragedy would be more effective than a woman driven mad.


Overall thoughts

-> You need to keep in mind that your prologue has a lot of parallels to the superman story (a baby sent away from a dying world). It may be worth trying to differentiate yourself from such a famous story. Think of it this way: if you opened a book and found it to be about a boy who gets sent to a school for wizards, you’d probably think to yourself that your reading a knock-off of Harry Potter. Please don’t take that as an insult, but parallels to such a famous story could put some readers off.

-> Secondly you need to stay realistic. Would these people say these things? I’ve already touched upon how I don’t think the grunt soldier would go into such detail. Other characters seem to be cliché stereotypes such as Marshal being the grumpy military guy. Instead of this you could make the characters seem more generic and bland, and instead focus on the scenery and the tragedy of the woman. The soldiers (I assume) don’t return, or at least not as main characters, so why not reduce them to personality-less clones, which is what soldiers so often appear to be and perhaps what such a devastating war would have reduced them to.
Lastly I think you can structure this prologue and backstory better. Keep maximum realism and try to plan out all the stages in a realistic manner. I would suggest reading The Second Ship by Richard Phillips. It’s an excellent science fiction novel that examines how the Earth would cope with the slow integration of alien technology, and it’ll probably give you ideas you can use as story elements regardless. I would also recommend reading Blood of Requiem, by Daniel Arenson. It’s a fantasy book about the last members of a race of people who can transform into dragons. The prologue is very successful at delivering all the backstory of a long time war, a son’s betrayal, and the extermination of a race, and it does so in real time as internal monologue. You should be able to view the entire prologue for free online and if you have a kindle, the whole book is free, so even if you hate fantasy you can use it just as a good example.

Like I said, I think this has the potential to be a really great prologue, i just think it can maybe use a few revisions.

[YouOnlyLiveOnce]

Omg, I can't thank you enough for this review. But just to let you know, the main character (the baby) is not supposed to be superhuman. The radiation has caused birth defects that gave him asthma later in his teenage years, along with (maybe) Tuberculosis. But overall, thank you very much for pointing these things out to me. I will try to have these fixed. Or maybe, if you want to, you could edit some of my writings? If you don't want to, I understand. The reviews are fine with me. This review is better than the one I posted on yours :)

[Daniel Farrelly]

no problem, i just meant that someone could draw parallels between this and superman and it could be a turn off. and maybe some day, sure.

[YouOnlyLiveOnce]

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