War

Haiku...

Bloody ponds, mass graves
Cover lands and man's conscience
Many lost, no wins

Reviews

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

Vicky~ your poem is about as powerful as powerful can be within the parameters of haiku~ three lines drawn in painful visuals of heart wrenching reality~ multilayered with images BECAUSE of the word choice and the way they are connected which thoroughly enriches the breath and sincere anguish of the poem~

[exotic flotsam]

Superb, succinct, imagery, valid expostition of war's waste.

[Myenigma]

Their really isn't any winning to war. i liked your haiku

[StaRsmacK]

BUT THINK OF THE ECONOMY!

Just kidding. Short, sweet, and to the point. In regards to war- is there really anything else that needs to be said?

[Shin]

Short and sweet as I've said before, not many words are needed to express your thoughts, it's great.

[Senseless whatever]

Very good Haiku

[scatterbrain]

Taylor H. pointed me into this poem's direction. I am glad, but you won't be. I have a lot of nit-pickings, and these aren't quite "subjective" suggestions

"Bloody ponds(1),(2) mass graves"
1: notice where I placed these 2 suggestions. the first behind the words, the second behind the comma. this first suggestion deals with "bloody ponds". a pond is water, and a pond cannot be bloody. i think what you want is a "pond of blood".
2: no need for a comma. you're not listing things. because you're having to add another word, it screws with the syllables. but "bloody ponds" is incorrect, so lemme give a few simulations of what you could do:
Ponds of blood and corpse
Graves line the land, bloody

conscious, not conscience.

conscience : the complex of ethical and moral principles that controls or inhibits the actions or thoughts of an individual.

conscious : aware of one's own existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc.

my conscious is clear of all evil. rulers are empowered to punish and do it for conscience's sake.

and finally the last line.
Many loses, no wins.
or else:
Many lost, no one won.

understand?
not trying to tear apart your poem, but... i kinda did. it can easily be re-written, that's what haikus are. i like this a lot... war and battle and suffering is a big passion of mine... soviet union, civil war, and what not. i think you could even mess with it to give different meanings, and not specifically meant to invoke "war". that should be a latent theme, maybe?

just throwing suggetions. hope i've helped :) thoroughly enjoyed and am looking forward to any sort of drafting!

[JelliFyshKissUs]

A deeply tru Haiku. Little words that make powerfyl statements. Consciences are forever eroded by such heinous acts.

[Taylor H.]

This is sad but I liked it

[SilentDreamer]

I like this, it does a good job of showing that it's about war. The imagery is very good though a sad subject to write about. Great job. :) Keep writing!