Under the night sky

A midnight thought.

As I stared at the sky under the Mon's light, I find myself thinking: why, why did I fail, why did I gave up the battle, why did I abandoned them.
It is a strange thing of the night it makes one think, one ponder and eventually it makes one see is mistakes. Perhaps the Sun's light is to bright and it manges to hide one's dark mistakes, but the night doesn't allow such amenities. It is ruthless and heartless, it hides nothing, makes that which is putrid more visible and glaring. I gave myself many excuses: I had gave it my all, I used all my energy, the enemy was just to strong, I was alone. LIES! All lies, it was a choice, I was not alone. I! I chose to leave, I chose to stop. It was a CHOICE! My choice. My sad and selfish choice. I had made a promise: I would not weaver this time, I would stand firm until the end, I would trust in the lord and is armies. But once again my word had no value, no weight. As the enemy's attacks become stronger and more frequent, I began to weaver, as the enemy grew in number, I stepped back, and once the enemy surrounded me I let my sword fall, my armour rust and my helmet break. I failed to see the Lord's army, I did not hear is Voice, I let the enemy defeat me. But by the Lord's Will I was not taken, for The Lord's Will stands far above the enemy's power. I have been given another chance, once again, for the thousandth time the Lord did not let me go, but the enemy remains. The Lord tells me to fight, that I can not accept defeat, that so long as there remains even a little part of my heart that stays with him he will keep giving me strength and life. This time I shall not speak, I shall not promise, I shall walk in silence, in the unknown I will fight. For it is in Man's nature to act not is word but the oposite of them. But it is also in Man's nature to never enact that which will be, for man exist in the present but live in the past.
So maybe I will fail again, maybe nothing will change by the time night comes again, but as the Sun rises and it's light fills the world I set out to battle once again, with hopes that the next page will be one of hope and not one of self-lecturing and broken, empty promises.