The Lifestory

Have you ever wonder how does it feel to walk along the stage and receive your diploma without a father to present your diploma to? You might say yes, you might also say no. But for me, it depends. It depends upon the situation and the maturity of the person.

Now let me read you a story written by a girl who grew up without her father to lean on. Let's discover how difficult or how fulfilling her experience was. Let us try to put ourselves to her situation and feel her pain, her incompleteness, her happiness and her hope. Make ourselves the witnesses of her pailful past. Her story is in titled...

Sad Reality of Mine

 “Collette Casiño, that’s my name. a girl with a long curly hair, small face, slim body and has 4’11 height. My mom, Leana Casiño and I, were just like sisters because we have the same surname. Confusing right? It’s because my Mom was never married to my Father. Anyways, there is something I always get confused with, let me tell you this.

 When I was still 4 to 5 years old I always wonder why people specially my Aunts always taught me to answer the question “Asa imu Papa?” with this nonsense reply “Nalumus Sabaw.” At that time I didn’t get what does that mean. Until when I grew up and became mature it was the only time I realized the meaning of it. I was a child born without a father.

 As I go on with my life I never had the time to talk about my Father to my Mom. most especially to my Grandparents. I grew old under the loving care of them. Because of their financial and moral support, I didn’t long or even think that something was already missing in my life

 In my 18 years of existence though I have plenty of happy moments and treasured memories, I can’t still escape the fact of finding my Father. Since I was 4 years old I grew up knowing and bringing the story being told by our neighbors and relatives that my Father left my Mom because he was not ready to take the responsibility of having me as his daughter. So he vanished to my Mom’s life.

 Standing and living on this earth without a Father to run to was not that difficult for me to adjust. With the help of my family and friends I easily accepted the situation I had. But then, if I were to decide, I would still be willing to find and meet the man whom God used as an instrument to let my existence be possible in this earth.

 It was 11:00 am in the morning when my mother did house hold chores in their house while I was just sitting on their chair trying to ask my Mom about my Father. It’s just that something made me hesitant to do it so. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid Mom would get angry if I asked so. Until I can’t no longer wait anymore and so I decided to open the topic of finding my Father.

Collette: Mom? Let’s find my Father?

Mother: are you sure? Go find him. It’s not a problem to me. It’s just that if you do so don’t include me. I don’t want to see him.

Collette: nyeee.. But, Mom? Why? I don’t know where to start. I don’t even know where to find him Mom.

Mother:  

Hmmm. All I knew is that he worked at SSS before and I think he’s now working at Honda here in Lapasan. Try to go there and check for him. Let your cousin Sheen accompany you.

I felt happy at the same time nervous when I knew that my Father was only a distance from me. I could just walk for 15 minutes from my Mom’s house to the Honda shop. Happy knowing that there’s a chance that I could meet him. Nervous since it would be my first time to really see and recognized his face. If that would happen, I wouldn't know what to do, I wouldn't know what to say and I wouldn't even know how I would approach him.

Without any doubt, my cousin Sheen and I went to Honda.

Honda Employee:Hello! Good afternoon. What can I do for you ladies?

Sheen: uhm. We’re looking for an employee here named Justin De Guzman. My aunt told me that his currently working here. Do you have that employee here?

 Honda Employee: Justin De Guzman? Hmm. Justin.. Justin..? De Guzman? I’m sorry but there’s none. We do have 3 De Guzman employees here but there is no Justin my dear. It’s only Michael and Maureen. They’re couple.

Sheen: oh. I see. We thought his working here. Sorry for the disturbance sir.

Honda Employee: That’s not a problem. If you don’t mind, who’s Justin De Guzman? And why do you find him?

 Sheen: Hmm. Nothing. We just wanted to check him if he’s okay. It’s been almost 5 years since the last time we saw him. He’s our Godfather. We just wanted to get our Christmas gift from him sir.  You know, Christmas is already coming. Haha.

 Honda Employee: haha.. That’s nice. I’m sorry again, but we don’t have an employee named Justin De Guzman.

 Sheen: it’s fine sir. Thanks for the information sir. We got to go then. Bye.

Collette: Thank you sir!

 Unfortunately, we got nothing. We got no Justin De Guzman. We didn’t have the chance to meet him. I didn’t meet my Father. We went home with disappointment. Mom got disappointed too when I told her what had happened. Listening to my cousin’s conversation with the Honda employee shattered my stiff hope.

Though I knew that Father left me, I didn’t plant any hatred to him for leaving us. For I know he’s still my Father. No matter what I do it would never change the fact that I am his daughter and he is my Father. If only I could see him, I would be very willing to forgive him for what he did as long as he would consider me as his daughter.

 The next morning, Mom had a female visitor. They were just simply talking about each others lives at the sofa, until they came to the topic about me and my Father. When I heard what their topic is all about I then secretly listened to their conversation. I was in the bedroom lying on mom’s bed.

Visitor: so where’s the father of Collette? How is he?

Mother: oh! Didn’t you know the story? He already had his own family. my mother was not in favor for him and so he had no choice but to leave us, remember?

Visitor: What? Hey! I didn’t know that. Tell me more.

Mother: ahh I see. Sure, when Justin impregnated me he already told me that his willing to take the responsibility of the child. He did asked permission to my Father that time and father did agree about his plan. But when he asked permission to my Mother, she didn’t allow Justin to continue his plan. Mom got angry that time since she can’t accept the fact that I got pregnant at the age of 19. That’s it. Since Mother didn’t really wanted Justin to take the responsibility of our daughter, Justin decided to leave us then. And years had passed I just knew that he already got married to somebody. Since I got married too, mother took the responsibility of Collette since then until now.

Visitor: Oh my God! How sad. You two could have live together if only your mother accepted his permission. Tsk, that’s too sad.

 Upon hearing the story of my Mom, I can’t help my emotions but to let it out through tears. Yes, I did cry. I cried so hard. All I knew father left us selfishly but I was wrong. The given information to me was wrong. The truth was, he was really willing to stand on me it’s just that someone let her pride flew up above her head. That was so foolish. It hurts me a lot.

 I admit, I felt sort of hatred to my Grandmother when I knew the real story of me. But I didn’t let myself drown to that emotion since I have that gratitude to her and I don’t have the right too. She was the one who admitted all the responsibilities that was supposed to be done by my Mother and my Father. She took care of me from my childhood until now in my 18th year in this world. She was the one who supported me financially and morally. She was always there.

Hence, I got nothing to do but again to accept the reality of my past. Right now, I don’t have any information about my Father but my hope is still there, alive and breathing. Expecting that one day God will let us cross our paths and complete the missing piece of our lives.”

And that's the end of Collette's story. Now you know how it feels like to live without a father. In my own opinion, I salute Collette, since she knew that something was already missing, she still managed her self to be happy and to be contented on what she has. The story simply implies that no matter how worse a Father is to her daughter, a loving daughter will always accept his Father's apology over and over again. Oops. I forgot to introduce myself. By the way, my name is Collette Casiño. :)

Collette Casiño a.k.a Krean Cherry Lou Cabalang :)