Sickness

People are far too interested in assault.

Does my trauma excite you?

Some sick part you wanting to know the details

that made me feel disgusting for so long?

The nervous look in your eyes

You want to ask but you know you can’t

How weird would it make the situation

To ask where hands that don’t belong to me

Have been?

“You can tell me, I’d understand.”

No, you wouldn’t. I know you wouldn’t.

You’re hiding your perversion under the guise of care

And that smokescreen is fading quickly.

Your insistent push to know the details is disgusting

My abuse is not some seventh grade biology assignment

A frog with it’s chest cavity

Ripped open, pinned down to expose the pink and red sinew

I will never allow you to look inside of me like that.

“But you act like it doesn’t bother you. What’s the big deal?”

Have you ever had your life threatened?

That if you spoke too loudly

Or reacted too strongly

They would hurt you in ways you couldn’t possibly believe?

Acting as a mannequin is what can save you.

Acting as though things are fine is what can keep you

From winding up black and blue,

A split lip and broken nose.

It bothers me still, that I cannot unlearn habits that kept me safe.

I cannot let people touch me without fearing they want something

That I am not willing to give.

That I know by forced learning

They could take it if they truly wanted.

I am still scared.

“Was it as bad as you’re remembering?”

Pinned against a wall and having something

So important

Be so violently ripped from you

Is not something you easily misremember.

The fact you can ask such a thing

Is either sheer ignorance

Or the worse option

You don’t think it is a terrible thing to happen.

I’m inclined to believe the latter.

You will dig

And you will dig

Through dirt and rot

Try to find something

To satisfy your sick curiosity

Your hands will find nothing

In a place that I

Can finally control.

Reviews

[John the Baptist]

Harsh but enlightening. Only those who have survived assault can really talk about it from a viewpoint like this one.