The Deliver

This is my assignment for university and I thought it would be a good idea if I can receive some feedback.

LYRA is a rich woman.

CAMELLIA is a poor woman. 

It is raining and the clouds look very dark in London. The door opens, a woman enters the office room. The office is big and there are corners made from gold. There is a big desk in the middle and two big chairs behind. The woman wears a black short dress and finds another woman sitting on one of the chairs.

LYRA                            Good evening. Are you waiting for the president too?

CAMELLIA                       Who the hell are you?

LYRA                             I am Lyra. Nice to meet you.

CAMELLIA                       Who cares!

LYRA                             Why your dress looks so filthy? You know you are going to meet the president.

                                     Look at my nice short white dress. It is a special design from Paris.

CAMELLIA                        If you don`t shut up, I will hit you. (The president enters and sits on his chair).

PRESIDENT SMITH             Good Evening. I hope you are having a great time in my house.

LYRA                              Thank you, Sir. I love this place.

CAMELLIA                         Yes, Sir. It is great.

PRESIDENT SMITH              As you know, our organisation here in London is preparing a project in the

                                      future by choosing one single woman of you to be our deliver.

CAMELLIA                          What is ‘’Deliver’’, Sir?

LYRA                                 you don`t know.

PRESIDENT SMITH               Deliver is someone with high authority who has the ability to see the truth

                                      beyond the lies in people`s eyes. You can see that by looking inside the pupils

                                      of other people` s eyes. If the pupil shakes that means the person in front of 

                                       you is lying. You don`t know how to use this ability, but I will show how to use

  it later.

CAMELLIA                          Do you believe that, Sir?

PRESIDENT SMITH               if you can notice that you and Lyra have one green eye and one blue eye. You

                                      Know that everyone here has brown or black eyes. When you were five years 

                                      old , our scientists changed your lenses to blue and green. You see the truth in    

                                      our people    `s eyes and then deliver it to us, that is why we call it deliver.

LYRA                               My father told me because some metals entered my eyes when I was young

                                     so because of that my lenses were changed .I would like to be the deliver to

                                     make my parents proud.

CAMELLIA                        I guess, I don`t have other choice. I want to change my poor life and become

                                    rich and help people who are like me.

LYRA                              So, Can we be the delivers together?

PRESIDDENT SMITH            Unfortunately, we have to choose only one. We have to keep this ability in

  Secret and we don`t want the rebels to know about this ability.

CAMELLIA                          What will happen to the other one, Sir?

PRESIDENT SMITH                I am sorry, but we have to eliminate the other one from our society.

LYRA                                You are kidding, Sir. Right?

CAMELLIA                          What kind of game are you playing now?

PRESIDENT SMITH                I hate it too, but it is the rule.

LYRA                                 Please, Sir. Do choose me.

CAMELLIA                            No I deserve more than her.

 

LYRA                                  Sir, I have well known parents, I went to excellent schools and has a big nice

                                        house. I will be very helpful to the organisation and I will make you proud.                      

CAMELLIA                             I was alone all the time, no father or mother just me. I used to

                                          see rich children go to school and I was looking through the window.

                                          I lived in a small house with lots of people with me. We used to fight for food

                                         and a place to sleep. I am working as a cleaner in a café, but I want something

                                         better in my life.                    

PRESIDENT SMITH                 I am really touched of your situations. It hurts me to see you both in this

                                         position. 

CAMELLIA                            I thought the organisation enjoys seeing people hurt.

LYRA                                  Of course not. The organisation is amazing.

CAMELLIA                            I was not speaking to you.

PRESIDENT SMITH                 STOP! Both of you. It is not good for twins like you to do that.

CAMELLIA                            Are you kidding me?

LYRA                                  No way!

PRESIDENT SMITH                 you are not identical twins. We did the same experiment on your real mother 

   And she was the deliver for a decade. When I was a scientist, I trained your

   mother to be the deliver and she was very successful. The high court 

                                      promoted me to be the president. After a few months of that your mother

                                      passed away due to an illness. We couldn`t eliminate either of you because we 

                                      needed a substitute, but now you are twenty which means, we only need

                                      one.

LYRA                               I lived all of my life with fake parents and now I have a real sister.

CAMELLIA                         and I lived all my life lonely.

LYRA                               Sir, you can eliminate me. I lived a very happy life with my parents.  When I was

                                      Eight years old, I had a small doll and I imagined, she was my sister. Camellia,

                                      Your past has really touched me. I am very happy to have a sister like you. Strong.

CAMELLIA                         No, We can find another solution.  I can`t allow that. You deserve to live too.

LYRA                               Sir, it is my final decision. I am doing that for my sister. It is the only thing I can do     

                                      for her. I really wish if we can spend only an hour together, but we can`t. (Lyra

                                      is crying. President Smith presses the button and two men in black uniforms

                                      enter and take Lyra away)

CAMELLIA                         LYRA please come back, I will be nice to you.

PRESDIENT SMITH              Congratulations! For becoming our deliver, Miss Camellia. Finally, who pass or

                                      fail , we can`t have two successors. Actually, you are not twins. I made this

                                       to see who will sacrifice. I will give you this Phial as a gift for passing the exam.

                                       This Phial has inside broken pieces of gold. As you can see from my office, I am

                                       obsessed with gold. (He puts the Phial in front of Camellia and she takes it). 

CAMELLIA                          Damn you and the organisation. I will make sure you are dead.

PRESIDENT SMITH                Interesting! (He raises his wine glass to Camellia).

   

                                   

                                   

                                     

 

 

Author's Note

My scene should have conflict , goal and resolution at the end. It should be only three pages. Please ignore the layout.
So, what do you think?

Reviews

[Dawn Dreamer]

Awesome! I was heartbroken at the end, when Lyra offered herself up for her 'twin'. And I hate President Smith. May the gold in his office crush him. Um, maybe that's a little gruesome, but he deserves it. Nicely written!

[Quillandink]

Thank you! This is an assignment for my university.

[3X3MPLER]

It is interesting and creative but i think it is average and would not be interesting to viewers if put into film. Reasons;
1. Too much dialogue.it has less action, this is not good. I dont mean people shooting or jumping off buildings just put any actions or it may look like an interview
2. Plot might be out of logic. Seriously the president didnt have to inform them that there were two of them,they could have just killed one and recruited the other one but instead they made an enemy. In your plot the president gives out too much info.

[Quillandink]

It is an assignment for my university so if I would like to turn it to a movie , I will change the whole of and make it through action , but my tutor would like dialogue more than action. Also I have to include poor and rich women in the scene and put resolution at the end.

[3X3MPLER]

in that case its an owesome piece.i like it

[Quillandink]

If you have time , can you check my short poem? I would like to know what you think.