Happy..

In the years of built up thoughts and emotions coated by constant humiliation in the fact that i still starved myself from acceptance of everything.

I never expected things to change, we couldn't change the ways we saw each other. Or rather, I saw you because I was in the shadow of a love I knew. What waste did I spend day after countless day lying for you, not to the world be to me about you, how I could guide you to believing I was something worth dreaming about.

 

I wasn't your trophy, so don’t treat me like I was your trophy and then claim you don't know me. maybe you don't know me, you never care to pay attention enough to know my middle name when the words of pain were written on the windowpane, you treated me like glass to see what was behind me and not what was in me, my heart became glass, before it shattered it shook and you didn't try to ease it, nor ever please it.

 

And I hated myself more and more each day, lying awake to forget about the pain, because dreams became more like memories on replay and replayed back over and over all the times I've wasted on you, waiting for you.

 

And maybe it’s because the things you did to me got much worse after the next thing. And I stand here screaming my heart out, not because I’m weak but worn out. You torn out my heart out and put it back, the worst part is that you just put it back as if it was a book on the shelf. You read the pages and finished and satisfied yourself, leaving me here so the dust will settle in and someone else can read me again.