Forever Never

It wasn't that I was unhappy exactly, it was just that I was... well, that's the thing. I don't know what I was, what I am. It's all the same to me. The past, present and future all blur together to become one long and endless nightmare. I'm trapped in a seemingly endless vortex of worry and lumps in throat. But I couldn't put that in my note. Suicide notes. Whoever invented them should be shot... oh the irony. I took a deep breath and stared at the grubby paper sitting on my desk, willing the words to just come. My mind stayed blank. Would it be okay not to write anything? It's not like anyone would care particularly. No one does. Except... except him. But there's enough worry there as it is. It's like a cycle I can't get out of. There are stages. I liked the first one best. The one where there was no worry with him. Him... I let out a sigh. What would he think of me now? I shook my head slightly. Task in hand. The note. I refocused on it, gripping my blue Biro slightly tighter and pressed it to the paper. I closed my eyes briefly then opened them and started writing. I wrote for the one person in my life who had made me happy. At least for that one stage in the ongoing cycle. Who made me forget. Just for a minute. But 60 seconds is a long time, for me, at least. 60 seconds can change everything. I should know. I sigh again as my pen lifts off the page. It's messy writing. English was never my strong point. I glance through it then fold it in half, then half again and slip it into my pocket. I stand up. The world sways slightly, i blink and run a hand through my hair then turn to my bedroom door. I had thought about how i would actually "do the deed" and decided that i wanted no pain. I bite my lip and walk towards the door. Then my mobile rings. The sound cuts through the newly broken silence. I jump and glance at it wearily but I can't resist. It might be him... to hear his voice one last time. Before I realise it i'm sprinting towards the phone and snatch it up, fumbling the buttons with shaky hands I press it to my ear.

"James?" I breath into it, my heart doing cartwheels

"Hello Lissy. I was wondering if..." he wanted to meet up with me. I let the phone drop out of my hand and onto the floor. It bounced before resting, face up on the carpet. I crouched down and pressed my lips to the phone.

"I'm sorry" I whispered then fled out of my door at a run. I darted into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me and ramming the lock into place. I leant on the door, my back against the wood. Only for a moment though then i was striding towards the medicine cabinet. I flung the door open and grabbed a bottle of pills that was inside. I prised off the lid then slumped down in the wicker chair next to the bath. I had never needed water to take pills. I always just swallowed them without help. I paused a beat then started taking them. In the full bottle there was 100, i had already taken a weeks worth which takes 14 away from it. Time seemed to pass slower then normal. It got harder to swallow. It felt like the motion of lifting each pill to my lips lasted several days. I whimpered slightly and the bottle drops out of my hand. The remaining pills spilled onto the floor. I heard them but my head felt too heavy to move. No going back now i thought blearily. A stab of pain as I remembered James but that was all. He would be better off without me. The world would be better off without me. I relaxed back in my chair. I went though stage one with James in my head. The minutes, the 60 seconds. I had no idea how much time had past. I closed my eyes and slipped into the darkness.

 

 

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Something was wrong. I had heard it the moment she had answered the phone. I glanced up at her house and rang the bell for what felt like the hundredth time. My phone was jammed to my ear, I kept calling her but there was no answer. I changed tactic. I walked to the back of her house, to the garden and tried the back door. I shoved at it but it didn't budge. I gave up. Places to be, things to do. I reached for my phone and dialed a different number.

"Hey baby"

"Jamesy! how are you my teddy bear?" I had been seeing Becca for a couple of months. She was fresher then Lissy, less needy, much more fun. I smiled to myself, it wasn't serious of course.. but all the same, Lissy need never know.

"I'm fine thanks... can I come over?" I heard her giggle

"Of course you can" I hit the red button and strolled to the front of the house. Lissy is fine, always is, always will be. I slid into my car and drove off smoothly. Lissy already forgotten.

 

 

 

Author's Note

eeek, im sorry about the spelling and grammar. Thanks for reading, i'm 14...

Reviews

[WriterMe]

Wow that was very heart breaking. On one end, The girl dies and on the other, the boy already forget about her. What a sad thing life is. You never know what to expect in situations like this.
A very good right. I couldn't spot any errors thought. I never can, Heh.
But i think it was seemingly great for a 14 years old.
Great job =]

--Niki