For I AM Not Holy

My prayer for our Heavenly Father

One thing that I did not expect out of myself was walk away from anything or anyone. I can bring myself to understand why I would even consider to do it but somehow I find myself in the position of going forward with it. I don't find it satisfying.
 I want to be involved. I want to be next to you. I want to stand a Long side of you.
I want to walk every road with you.
I want to climb the highest mountain.
I want to sail the sea and watch the sunset.
 I want to see you beside me as the Sun rises because things like that are quite magnificent. it'll all be a mixed dream but none of it will happen because those things only exist in my head.
I can only see them and no one else can.
 it would be a blessing to find someone with the same view not exactly but someone similar.
 we could share them together.
we could make something of it and much more because it would hold itself together more towards its definition.  it would be incredibly bold.
 I can wait. I don't have anything else better to do than to just live my life and go on about making myself stronger, wiser and the next best thing to come around.
 I'll be more important because I can see the value.
I can see how hard I worked because the evidence lies down on the pawn of my hands.
I started from the bottom and spread out throughout the edge. I made a name for myself so far they still can't see the end.
yeah I still consider it a blessing because I'm still standing in front of all of you and the big man.
he has challenged me.
 he has shown me what I can become yet there's more for me to learn because he's not done with me.  he wants to show me what really needs to be accomplished. I am slowly making my way there. I can see it peeking out. I believe that I will become who am destined to be in the long run and that's what I plan.
 I don't mind if no one stands near but I will not be alone because God is always near.
he has shown me what I refused to consider. he has thrown me every bit of discomfort and it only made me closer to him.
I will climb the latter.
 I will find my way up the stairs.
I will one day reach my full potential.
 I will watch the stars because I will be there.
 I will one day be what my mother named me.
I'll be another star dancing around. you'll see me as i sparkle and I will twinkle.
I will be another. I'll be another steady glare.
 I am capable of completely anything and I will show my worth.
I am walking with a living purpose but watch soon, I'll no longer be here.
my life isn't promised to remain but my soul holds onto the decisions. it could either go up to the heavens or down into despair.
 I believe I will overcome my darkest years.
 I believe I will be a better person because I have found the Holy Ghost.
I can feel my spirit going there;
going wherever it is;
going where I need to be;
 I will find the outcome;
 I will reach the final peak.
God show me what I am capable of and please don't take it easy.
create total chaos because at the end it'll only make me stronger.
it will make me become the person I have yet to see; challenge me and show me discomfort so I can overcome.
Itll be enough to smother me because I have faith.
 I have what it takes to continue.
I have hope in
 my faithful journey, even if I have made horrible decisions at least I know what I have done; at least I could think for myself.
it's an honor for this journey and I'm glad I could still say I'll  continue it on.
 I will continue to go on with this message in my mind but did I mention my heart carries a note and every message hidden under the sea. One day i will be revealed. I believe that it will be my answer to everything. it'll be the reason why I have even made it.
I will make it.
 I will break the curse.
I am a walking contradiction and suddenly, you see me show the wording of my heart.
 you will see what I have kept.
I will embrace all that is love;
 all that is Grace;
I will show you
 I admit to all my fault for I am NOT holy and I do not give anything good to others because I refuse to show myself and all that is me.
I feel like there's no point in showing someone what makes me who I am and I feel like there's a lot of hidden illusions inside.
I'm just going simply the wrong way but I can see that I need to help myself by following your guidance it's something I have found meaningful and in order to over come every wasteful tragedy of my life.
I don't know how to start and I simply have no idea what will occur but I do believe that I will find something meaningful out of this.
 I adore this moment. I still need a lot more work done. I still need to find more reassurance for what I truly believe is capable out of me and I won't even hesitate to accomplish it. you created me.
I must value it because you brought to existence. you gave it a definite purpose.
You gave it something for others.
 what's more beautiful than life?
 I want to create a bond with you.
 I want to grow.
 not something.
 more like a undescribable satisfaction;
the satisfaction of coming to some reassurance and I can watch it happening sooner late, because that's what I plan to fulfill.
It will be a new inspiration of enjoyment. I'll enjoy it because all of it will be involved with you, my dear Lord.