Death's Sweet Sorrow

How I felt for a really long time and it seemed like I'd never stop feeling that way. Now, though, I don't feel that way so much anymore. Just in some ways, but not near as bad.

Sad thoughts and terrible dreams occupy my mind.
Numerous questions, but no answers I can find.
Lost in this lonely world I am in,
Drowning in the thought of an anguishing sin.
Turning away from the past,
My memories, though, will dreadfully last.
I wipe the smile off my face,
Because this, for certain, is not a good place.
Not ever wanting to take another step.
Secrets deep inside, which I have always kept.
Much to afraid to shed a tear,
Mostly because I am filled with fear.
Faithlessly, I slowly continue sinking,
My mind becoming blurred, no longer thinking.

I take the weapon in my hand,
And show myself everyone’s demand.
No one sees the suffering I endure,
And my wounds are invisible, I am sure.
Yells and screams are given to me,
A “mistake” I am is all they see.
Sorry I am for the trouble that I have flourished.
Now in the skies, I can hear the angles mournful chorus.
Nothing but a ghost to all of those around me.
My soul cries desperately to finally be set free.
With no one beside me, I walk alone.
It seems like there is nowhere I truly belong.
So tired of only running in fear,
But I can't rely on anyone, even those who are dear.

So much expected and told who I should be,
But the person I am is only just me.
Stressful pressure, it seems, you must put me under.
All of which just makes me sunder.
With you doing so, I can only fail.
Disappointed you become, trust me, I can tell.

Now nothing seems real.
Becoming numb, no longer can I feel.
Confused at the least,
And slowly, but surely, becoming deceased.
Looking for something to help me out,
But when I search, all I feel is doubt.
Light being captured by the shade,
And just like me, it starts to fade.

The curtains of my life before me close,
Then open with the spotlight on my foes.
I hear voices that call my name,
Telling me I am the one that's always to blame.
They say it is just in my messed up head,
But if so, how can I quote all they have said?
My mind feels like acid; painfully breaking down.
My heart in the state of a constant frown.
I can not believe all my lies they were buying.
If I told them I was fine, I was really just lying.
A prayer for all of these burdening feelings to disappear,
And for me, my life, to persevere.

This is my final outcry,        
For if I fall again, the ground is where I'll lie.
The end of my existence is nearing,
Bringing death leering.
It convincingly says, "I am something in which not to fear.
Here, it is you we will always dear.
No deceiving lies,
No black skies,
No more being pained,
And no more being disdained.
Lifted back onto your feet,
And the darkness, you, it will not defeat.
Every battle you shall win every time
Even thy word 'death' has a nice little chime.
Your dull and muted feelings will be reflected,
And the true you shall openly be accepted.
Sad no longer you will be,
And you, what you have always wanted, will be set free.
Light gladly given back to you,
And you will be praised for everything you did or do."

What spoken was true, that I must include.
Death is correct about my feelings being subdued.
That, I must say, is hard to take in as well,
But death sounded pleasant, I'm sure you could tell.
My life meaningless to mostly just me,
But like I said before, most cannot see.
Death is persuasive in a very amusing way.
As you can see, it has already lured me in halfway.
Maybe I shall be healed tomorrow,
Or possibly just fall for death's sweet sorrow...