Our Love

Another Romantic poem. D=

When you feel your heart breaking,

If your eyes are brimming with tears,

Honey I’ll kiss them away,

And hold you for a million years.

 

When you hear your breathing shallow,

If your sight begins to go dark,

Darling I’ll lead you to the light,

And walk you through rosy parks.

 

When you see your hands shake,

If your lips won't cease to tremble and cry,

Sweet-heart I will hush away your sadness,

And sing to you 'till your tears dry.

 

When you sniff the air to find a lonely scent,

If this loneliness makes your soul shiver,

Love I'll make love to you every night,

And for you I will bleed a river.

 

When you feel your heart-beating,

If your eyes hold a smile just for me,

Baby just close your eyes and think of us,

And our love shall soar through the skies freely.

 

 

Author's Note

Um just wrote this last night.. Let me know what you think

Reviews

[ChristianM]

Loved it.
Don't you just love it when someone leaves you a review that says good job. And then that's it. They act like they read your work and think two words can help you improve your writing at all. Sorry, I'm ranting.
Anyway, being a fan of rhyming poetry myself, I thoroughly enjoyed this.
One thing though.
While I do love the line "Our love will surpass immortality"
Immortality and me don't rhyme poetically. You drifted from the beginning segments where you were the rhyme master. lol Then again I am not an experienced poet so you could throw my advice out the window and probably be the wiser.
Other than that I thought it was fantastic and your poem lifted my spirits.

[HumbleWhitman]

Good job. Very well written and was a pleasure to read. 👍

[Arthur Crow]

Beautiful rhyme and flow here… What really makes this piece work (apart from your talent) is the depth of sincerity behind these lines. When written/expressed with true passion, the effect and gravity on the reader is enhanced greatly.
Wonderful spill from your soul. The atmosphere is emotionally captivating and very heart warming! :)

[Prodigo]

Excellent revision, geez Christian you were absolutely right. Good, good. You are on the right road to figuring this whole poetry thing out.