Truth In Thy Lies

Uh my attempt at a Shakesperean sonnet for Literature 12 at school.

On the morrow dear, I will wait for thee

For thy laughter ceases to echo in

Mine heart, which breathes thy name meekly

With hope to cleanse mine soul of lustful sin.

 

Oh sinner is mine heart for it has loved!

The devil, mine mind for it has lusted thee!

And I beg to be punished by thy hands from above

Gentle as an angel’s, as warm as a summer’s breeze.

 

Lash at mine body with those words thy

Claim to be true, for the truth that is true

Doth live in mine heart, and thy hopeless sigh

Be balm to mine pain, for mine soul craves you.

 

Oh darling sweet, thy actions scream of lies,

For ‘till today, in mine mind echoes your lullabies

Author's Note

Ignore the beats per line because the teacher wasn't counting that in marks so i didnt even bother.. lol

Reviews

[Wolfbaby]

This was really interesting. I'm in an acting class and we're studying Shakespeare. It was good though, I like it!

When using pronouns like "thy" and "thine" and such, remember that the two I mentioned are possessive pronounce. When you use them, you're speaking about something that belongs to the person.
E.g. "I have come to thy house."

Where you say, "Lash at mine body with those words thy claim to be true," you are using a possessive pronoun in front of a verb: "claim."
It might make better sense if you said something like, "Lash at mine body with those words thou claimeth to be true."
Sorry if that was a little confusing. :P

Although I give it to you, you were wanting it to rhyme, and it's harder to find stuff to fit when you're writing in Olde English. I got what you were saying anyway. :D

Great job! :D

~Wolfbaby

[Iota]

Ha, I really like this one and I like what wolfbaby said, so I learned something as well. I will have to try to write a Thy and Thine poem it sounds so nice while reading it. Glad I read this one.

[Captain Blackheart (The..]

A wonderful piece of writing. Very deep and moving. Great Job :)

[ArLaNd <3]

wow...amazing! all my poems are crushed in the dust hahaha just amazing

[Signet]

Wow... Nice , lovely!