My lips are still numb from your kisses,
And my body is still sore,
But somehow I’d been left to hope,
There would be something more.
Loved these lines, so powerful, emotional and well written just like the rest of the poem.
Keep up the good work :)
In this you must be your own best critic. There is too much to see, too much to imagine and not be left wondering about the who, the how and the why of it all. Should one focus on form, content or more dangerously - read between the lines and ponder, perhaps, on the soul that is thine?
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
I suppose when reading between the lines, the reader can come to any conclusion... and I was hoping .. read moreI suppose when reading between the lines, the reader can come to any conclusion... and I was hoping to make the pain of this topic blatantly obvious. There is weariness that comes with the loss of innocence, and I'm afraid I am but coming to terms with that. I suppose it's safe to assume you didn't dislike this piece...?
12 Years Ago
I admire it on many levels, of that you may be sure. I'm sorry for my vague meanderings but you may.. read moreI admire it on many levels, of that you may be sure. I'm sorry for my vague meanderings but you may consider it a form of self-protection from the raw ferocity of this piece. It wounds this reader, much as it seems to wound the writer; and this shared pain is almost too much to bear.
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm sorry it hurt you... It's quite a sad topic indeed, but not an unco.. read moreI'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm sorry it hurt you... It's quite a sad topic indeed, but not an uncommon thing to occur. It seems innocence has lost its value, as innovation has taken its place.
12 Years Ago
That is a curious contrast you've drawn... innocence versus innovation. I am wondering why you cho.. read moreThat is a curious contrast you've drawn... innocence versus innovation. I am wondering why you chose the word innovation as a replacement token for innocence?
12 Years Ago
Well, the way I see it sometimes, in this day and age "innocence" is not valued very much in anyone .. read moreWell, the way I see it sometimes, in this day and age "innocence" is not valued very much in anyone over the age of 12, but what IS valued in a teenager or adult, is their ability to succeed in a world in which innovation is the key word. To put it into a crude anecdote; One would be more interested in how "creative" their bed-partner can be in bed, rather than how innocent/virginal he/she is.
I remember reading your poetry when I was about 12 it has continued to take my breath away make me thirst for more, You revel on the topic of love and innocence in whic I like back at the time you helped me try and decided what love was although some poems were graphic you make making love or acts of romance beautiful
Posted 12 Years Ago
12 Years Ago
Thank you so much! I'm flattered that you remember my older works, and still enjoy my writing today .. read moreThank you so much! I'm flattered that you remember my older works, and still enjoy my writing today ^^
A heart-wrenching tale truly...the use of slant rhymes were cleverly used in this poem. Sometimes the flow seemed a bit stretched but I felt the piece overall followed through. In some ways I could almost feel the heartbeat pacing and marching its last...slowing at the end as the revelation that all was lost and still isn't quite forgotten is reveled. Bitter and sad... Thank you for sharing and reminding us all that in a little way...a little piece of us is lost somehow throughout this life...but must try to press on.
It is sad when we learn love can be painful. One mistake can erase days and nights of love. I like the description in the poem. leading the reader to a very sad ending. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote
The One That's Non-Existant As Far As You're Concerned., British Columbia, Canada
About
So that you will hear me
So that you will hear me
my words
sometimes grow thin
as the tracks of the gulls on the beaches.
Necklace, drunken bell
for your hands smooth as grapes.
And I wat.. more..