Screams of a silent mind

April of freshman year, around the beginning of the time when the depression got to me again.

Feelings explode

The sky is falling

Rain stings my exposed core

Fire and ice

a deadly combo

the world is breaking

tearing at the seams

all is fading

into the enveloping darkness

black clouds storm in

hateful, set to kill

but the darkness,

only mind deep

silent inside my head

I'm falling, fading

my existence her is now only physical

I dont know whats wrong

Nothing is wrong.

What is this?

The darkness in my mind

It crashed over me

wavelike

gripped my heart

a suffocating chokehold

but its just a mindgame

unreal

is it nothing but the exaggerations of my weary mind?

I'm losing all understanding

Do I even belong here?

I feel weak, lost

If only I could hide

Crawl away behind a plastic smile

Holding back, hidden in false sunshine,

Controlled.

No clouds, no darkness in the sunshine of the facade

For the sake of another's happiness

I'll wear the lie

Hide the truth beyond reach

Throw it into the empty abyss,

The darkest corners of my soul