Welcome to Depression

A monologue for last years drama class. Its a bit jumbled, but this is kind of a taste of how depression is for me.

Lost in a black fire of navy eyes, I soar on wings of skeletal grace. Crystal tears fall out of a grey ceiling, and puddles of glass ripple in hollow depressions on the floor. Dead pixie fingers of an autumn wind caress leaves of golden fire. Beneath the weeping willow, the corpse of an ivory doll-girl stares unseeingly into the frozen sky.

Me.

Her eyes are blank, an empty canvas. Black ice is coating her insides and encasing her soul, like a fortress of obsidian stone. Her head is filling with water, the pounding crash of a lonely sea. A restless wind echoes, whispering sweet tragedies of lost chances and fragmented dreams. Ghosts rise like fog from the world beneath. They creep into her forgotten shell, her porcelain mask, and slither down her delicate throat, hushing the words that threaten to tumble out in soundless torrents. Nameless demons of every wrong, trapped in illusory bodies, dance and chant around her still form, bone-chilling words falling off of hissing snake tongues. The hatred and rage bleed out of the pores in her alabaster skin and paint the ground in scarlet ribbons and shadow-dark curses.

I am no longer alive, yet I am not one of the dead and gone.

Poisonous tendrils of despair have invaded my mind, drained the life away, left somber ruins in the spaces where my memories should lie. The withered roses scattered beside me are bittersweet remains, a mourning song to my emptiness. My world is now colored with isolation and hunger, a vortex of mirages.

I no longer know how to feel, only that the ice inside me holds back a tidal wave of sorrow.

I am frozen.

I have been torn apart and pieced back together but the pieces don't fit how they used to.

I held in the anger to keep myself strong, but all has been sucked away, a slowly ebbing tide.

When I was a real girl, the world was enchanted, rainbow-hued and glittering with golden sundrops.

But that was so long ago.

An eclipse stole away the light, hiding it behind a veil of abysmal murk, a chasm of nowhereland within my quintessence. And as my sanity shattered and my senses frayed, I turned to find myself forsaken, devoid of the harmonious strings of friendship.

I am alone.

As I lie beneath the sky, twilight turns to dusk. The pale light of day fades, and like bitter symbolism, the flame of hope I once held dear breathes its last, and falls away.

Welcome to depression.

Author's Note

quintessance: spirit/soul/inside