Neutered

I sat in a steam room eavesdropping on old men. One of them spoke of going on vacation and my mind filled in the blanks for a poem about it.

Fat men with pull string swim trunks wade in the tide of summer days and exotic legs.

The trips to Cabo run dry and the tan lines blister into road signs down to faded arm bands.Their gaze holds true under the brims of hats sewn from bug bitten locals, green rubber crocs with souls lit from the coals above so below.

While the wives lie and search the skies for more, the fat men bury their toes in sand and the exotic legs close from where they began.

Author's Note

Thoughts? I love to hear feedback.

Reviews

[Raven Moonchild]

Great poem. :) I can't help but giggle because you got this idea from old men in a steam room. You could turn this into a full fledged story.

[Xuru]

I'm glad you liked this one too.

2 for 2 is good, right?

[Raven Moonchild]

It is indeed. lol :)

[Jessica Lima]

This, to me, sounds more like an exert from a book than a poem. It is worded differently than how most people would put it but... definitely intriguing.

[Warrior]

its cool but i dont quite get it. are you saying that the women are doing all the work while these fat men just sit there watch them and relax?

[TerryDarcy-Ryan akaSh..]

Observer to the silent communications, habitual dances and secret thought that can be read in a mere glance. Most of what we communicate is non- verbal. To the keen watcher all is apparent or is it ?? This is a beautiful write on that which is surreal and cannot be mistaken. I would place a bet that you could do the same simply writing of a toaster. The thing that separates a poet from the ordinary is what we see that others do not. And when we put it in words it evokes an emotion. You have done that here, Very good. Thank you for sharing and God Bless

Sheer Terror

[andrew mitchell]

You depicted the imagery and the interest so well in this write. liked this alot!

[apennylate]

Stooped in syllable count bliss, and breathed in easy release... I was enamored at the first exotic dance of brilliance seen... Absolutely masterfully penned...

[Mark]

Loved the imagery. Never been to Cabo, but I related to the beach scene. ;)

[V]

Contemporary piece of art, expressed very well and leaves strong images in the readers mind. You describe sober reality in artful ways, crafting an image of summer, but raw and realistic, boiling bodies, almost soulless it seems, exposing themselves to the heat and the observing eyes of the artist. I love how the creative mind can turn anything into art.
Your scene is like a photograph with either a sepia filter to me, or glaring and overexposed, or a piece almost pop art like. I always think in images btw..

[Pete]

very well written. holds interest nicely. feels like a daydream. effective detailed descriptions capture the scene well. creative title. nice job.

[Xuru]

That's what I'm shooting for.

Thanks Pete.

[Pete]

welcome Xuru.

[Kathrine Rethorn]

So much detail, I really feel as if I am there. Usually I'm picky about format but I think the way you set this up really fits. Also have really good rhythm making this easy to read to the very ends. Not once did i even ponder stopping.

[Xuru]

I never really know in which way I should format certain work, but I'm sure that will come with time.

[Kathrine Rethorn]

Thats the reason i really love poetry. For is a really loose thing. However, some forget you still have to think of your readers, so complicated format is bad. But mostly, it which ever way you find fits your poem the best.

[Xuru]

Now that I'm actually starting to share with more than just myself, I'm gonna have to start taking that into consideration.