Neutered

I sat in a steam room eavesdropping on old men. One of them spoke of going on vacation and my mind filled in the blanks for a poem about it.

Fat men with pull string swim trunks wade in the tide of summer days and exotic legs.

The trips to Cabo run dry and the tan lines blister into road signs down to faded arm bands.Their gaze holds true under the brims of hats sewn from bug bitten locals, green rubber crocs with souls lit from the coals above so below.

While the wives lie and search the skies for more, the fat men bury their toes in sand and the exotic legs close from where they began.

Author's Note

Thoughts? I love to hear feedback.

Reviews

[Katelyn Kennedy]

I like how you added your inspiration for this piece. You give a very vivid description to what's going on and vaguely present the internal conflict between women and men in marriages.

[G Lucas Kolthof]

This has great imagery and is written very well. I really enjoyed this piece.

[HakiSac]

I like it. The best thing i like about it is that i often find myself writing poetry in odd settings. This captures that feeling i get when i am sitting in almost any place that my mind starts to do this. If i captured those moments as you have here i would no doubt have hundreds of writings. Well done!

[Smoking Man]

An interesting and nicely penned poem which pretty much hit the spot.
I can see the imagery of this scene you've played out.
Old men banished to the 5th decade of their lost years being over fed like some vultures whilst chasing their long lost youth.
Ps thanks for the friendship request.

[KCthelastboyscout]

I wish this was a longer story.if felt like a drive by rather than being able to enjoy the view.the details were superb but give me more...

[emmajoy]

Try reading between the lines..

A short story wrapping a novel perhaps!? Your details are ready ripe to lure your readers- certainly have, will. There are truths to be found throughout, not pretty but real as real. Fine writing, different.. unique even with touches of applause due.

[Ranger Kessel]

That's awesome. For real. I got nothing else.

[Xuru]

Haha thanks Mr. Kessle.

[Alessander]

Love the detail. It really places the reader. Could almost feel their hairy paunches.

"green rubber crocs"

"wives lie and search the skies for more"

I love these lines because they brim with meaning stirring below the apparently shallow facade of postcards

[Xuru]

Late to reply, but thank you for the nice words.

Glad you got something out of it.

[JC]

dam, really dig the flow of this, like poetic stream of consciousness ala Kerouac-ian style..the title tied in is hilarious. great read man.

[Xuru]

Thanks a ton brah.

[KWP]

I like the originality. Try reading it without all of the 'the' words and tell me what you think. I personally feel the 'the' words are not necessary and detract from what you have written. Great writing is alway tight like speedo's on a fat man ;)

[Xuru]

Haha. Very true.