Running In Heels

The start of a short story, once begun as a poem.

There's a monster in my back seat.

My attempts at a quick glimpse prove only useless as the street lights overhead distort it's features.

I grip the steering wheel tighter as the seat belt hisses, constricting me back further.

Quick forming shadows etched across a face threaten to expose pockets of skin and identity.

“Her” the voice drawls into me. The hot breath in my ear teases my brain into something more, something real, something I now pray is just a craving that a king size pack of Du maurier might satisfy.

Pulling up beside the curb, I look to my right, struggling to see what has enticed my surprise passenger of the night. Squinting my eyes to strain through the window is no easy task though. When darkness befalls this city, it's sheet is thick. Even after all this time my eyes still adjust as if suddenly foreign and new.

It doesn't take long to spot my monster's fancy. She looks to be pretty, most of those days behind her though as this flower's on the cusp of wilting. Petals shivering and delicate; she briskly walks past.

“You want this...” It's voice trails off further and the car lurches back.

Author's Note

Everything I want to do and can't. In a world with order and repercussions I can purge my mind in the form of key strokes.

On a less edgy note, this is a passage from one of my stories that needs a lot more work. Notes and reviews are welcome.

For your reading pleasure.

Reviews

[Robert Parlange]

Good “hook” for a short story. I can see where you could take the plot in many directions. Does the character give in to the “monster” or does he eventually defeat it? Characterization would be interesting. Is he a “good” man or a criminal? A family man? This could be a very interesting story.

Keep writing.

[Xuru]

I never really thought about following this story through, but characterization could definitely evolve this short into something more.

Thanks for the read and notes Robert.

[Lighthouse guy]

The beginning of this story is very interesting. Your imagery is very eloquent, and I especially love the hook that immediately draws the reader in. Although fighting the "monster" inside is starting to become a common trope in some books or movies, I think your story has great potential nonetheless. I hope you continue writing it.

[Asmae]

that's pretty interesting.

[Xuru]

I'm glad you think so.

[BBP]

You really do have a knack for shining a glittery, prism light on to dark shadows!

Really f****n dig it!

[Xuru]

I think you just might be a fan aha.

[BBP]

maybe ...just maybe ;)

[Matthew Ian Herrawood W]

Dark indeed and yet I think we all have a monster of some sort we must fight to remain respectable so in a way also relatable. it would be interesting to see how this progresses and the choice the character makes. Great job

[Xuru]

Thanks for the read Matt and great analysis by the way.

[richieb]

Good start to an interesting story. So far you have left different avenues open. I look forward to reading how your story developes . Glad to have you aboard, you will fit right in. Richie B.

[Pink Pastel]

Interesting story

[Xuru]

Thanks for the read Melissa.

[PhoenixDown]

Bold.

Can I say that this almost feel wrong reading? And can I also say that this is darkly intriguing?
I am unsure of how someone could "look away" from this. You are a very brave writer. I hope you create many beautiful things. I look forward to reading more and satisfying this curiosity, which you have created.

[Xuru]

I feel brave just being able to open my writing up to you guys to be completely honest.

[Sir Drift & Mr. Pulse]

Well that was something. A story that started as a poem? Well keep at it, I love the use of words here and the details are very good.

[Coyote Poetry]

Very nice use of words. I wanted to read and know more.
"It doesn't take long to spot my monster's fancy. She looks to be pretty, most of those days behind her though as this flower's on the cusp of wilting. Petals shivering and delicate; she briskly walks past."
The above lines. Strong and create visions and thoughts for the reader. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Xuru]

Much thanks for the in depth review Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.