Where Does My Heart Beat Now- Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Morning arrived peacefully with the sound of birds chirping in the nearby trees and metal banging around as some re-enactors started to prepare breakfast. Oddly enough, the piercing sound of the bugle didn’t announce ‘wake-up call’, which caused Gabriel to worry when he woke up. Had he missed it and was making his men wait? He jumped off the cot and pulled on his wool trousers and boots before looking over at Kate, who stretched happily.

“Honey, did you hear the bugle call?” He asked.

“Thankfully, no,” Kate bore a sly grin and held up the brass bugle, “and we won’t be, either.”

Gabriel stared dumbly at her and said, “How-?”

“I got up early this morning and snuck it out of Bugle Boy’s tent. There was no way I was gonna let the horrendous thing wake my baby.”

Gabriel just shook his head as he finished dressing in his uniform. To give Kate her privacy while she dressed in her pink day dress, he took the newborn with him after wrapping her up in her blanket to keep the wind off of her tiny body. He walked around the camp with her nestled in his arms. Even though she was in plain sight, he still couldn’t believe he was holding his daughter.

“You are so gorgeous, Shannon… and I’m so happy that you’re finally here,” he whispered to the baby.

A noise nearby made Gabriel look up to see one of his men striding over, “Well, I just heard the exciting news, Colonel. Ah, let’s see that pretty baby.”

Gabriel gladly pulled the blanket back to reveal Shannon to his friend, “This is her first time being outside.”

The older man smiled brightly at the sight of the new baby, “Oh, she’s mighty pretty, Gabe. I’m so happy for you and Kate… By the way, how is she?”

“She’s great. Back to her normal self.”

As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Kate stepped out of the tent, wrapping a shawl around her shoulders to keep the cold off of her. She grinned when she saw her husband gently cradling the newborn, trying to shield her small body from the chilly air.

“How is she, honey?” She asked when she looked over Gabriel’s shoulder at the light green baby girl.

“She’s just looking around, or trying to,” he leaned closer to his daughter and smiled, “but Daddy’s not going to let his little girl freeze just so she can be curious. No.”

Already he’s attached to her, Kate thought before going over to where the women were gathered around the campfire, preparing breakfast. All of them greeted her happily and made room for her when she walked up.

“Oh, Kate, I just heard the wonderful news. Congratulations,” a young woman said cheerfully, “How do you like being a mom?”

“I already love it,” she stooped over the fire and poked one of the sausage links to test it, “but God am I sore this morning… And I thought last night was painful.”

Mae smirked and replied, “So, are you ready for another one, because you know Gabe’s gonna want a son now that he has his little girl.”

“I think we’ll be waiting a while before number two.”

 

As the day wore on, Kate meandered around the camps and suttlery with Ava and Mae while her husband showed off their daughter to some of the other couples. She had wanted to carry on with her normal life even though she had become a mother and had bigger responsibilities. Nevertheless, Kate was ready to take on whatever challenge was thrown her way, even if it meant waking up at all hours of the night to change a dirty diaper or to nurse her child.

“Mae, do you expect Gabriel to be around Shannon a lot?” Kate questioned.

The older woman sighed, “Oh, yes… Honey, I don’t think you realize just how much he’s wanted a daughter. Most men want sons, but Gabriel has always felt a deep connection with baby girls. Ever since he lost his first baby it’s driven him even more. He would have done anything to get a daughter.

On the other side of the park, Gabriel and Rob were walking along the path through the camps while Gabriel held his baby against his chest and patted her bottom. She had fallen asleep a little while earlier, and he decided it was best to keep holding her since it seemed as if she was comfortable in his arms. The two men made their way through the infantry camp, chatting happily about the night before; they were amazed that Kate could be so violent when she was in such a delicate state. The image of her yanking Gabriel down to her and demanding her chemise taken off entered his head, and he quickly pushed it away so as not to relive that moment.

I’ll have to remember to stay out of her reach the next time we have a baby, he thought and then remembered the bet he and his father had made on Christmas, “So, Dad… where’s my fifty bucks?”

His father turned to look at his son with a raised eyebrow, “What are you talking about, Gabe?”

“We made a bet on Christmas that if the baby was a boy I had to pay you fifty, and if it was a girl you had to pay me. Well, looks like I have a girl… So, hand it over, old man.”

Rob shoved his hand deep in his trouser pocket and pulled out his wallet while swearing under his breath, “Damn… I need to not make bets with you, any more.”

Gabriel grinned in satisfaction as he took the money from his father and tucked it into his coat pocket, “Thank you. Now I can use this to buy diapers for my little girl’s butt.”

It wasn’t long before Gabriel had to pass the baby off to his wife so that he could get ready for the battle. He was a little reluctant to give up his daughter, but he had a duty to his men and had to load his pistol.e was a little  While he was in the tent, Sean entered, causing Gabriel to turn around while fastening his gun belt around his waist.

“So, did the baby keep you awake last night, Daddy?” Sean laughed, pulling out his pocket watch and twirling it around.

“Nope, she slept pretty much all night.”

“That’s good,” Sean picked up his pistol and put it away in its holster while smiling at his friend, “Well, you ready to go whip some Yankee a*s, again?”

Gabriel slammed his Hardee hat on his head and said with a whoop, “You bet!”

 

At the end of the day most of the tents were already down and loaded up, including Kate and Gabriel’s. Both of them had changed back into their normal clothes, and were getting ready to head back home to Jefferson after Kate had gotten their newborn strapped into the carrier that Mae was so smart to have brought along. It was time to begin a new chapter in their lives since their child had been born.

“You’re going home with us, Shannon,” Kate cooed to her daughter, who smiled back at her.

Gabriel walked up behind his wife and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, “You ready to go, baby? It’s gonna be dark by the time we get home.”

“Let’s go!”

For most of the long drive back to Jefferson the newborn slept soundly, along with her mother. Every now and then Gabriel would glance back to check on his daughter, and he’d smile whenever she’d twitch suddenly. From that point on his life would be full of joy and compassion since he had gotten what he’d always dreamed of having.

Now for the endless nights without sleep. Oh, well. It’s worth it, he thought as he drove down the interstate into Texas. The truck was virtually silent except for the sounds of the gentle breathing coming from Kate and Shannon. Knowing that they were content made him feel relaxed.

It was late when Gabriel pulled into the driveway and parked. He leaned over the seat and gently stroked the side of Kate’s head, waking her up, “I’m sorry to wake you, honey… but we’re home.”

Drowsily, Kate looked out the windshield and saw the familiar front porch with its swing swaying in the breeze. At last, she could relax with her husband and baby until she had regained her strength, “Shannon?”

“Don’t worry about the baby, I’ll get her. You just go inside and get some sleep.”

The new father quietly carried the baby into the house and removed her from the carrier, all the while admiring how beautiful she was. You are going to be my baby girl forever. I’m going to spoil you every chance I get, Gabriel entered the bedroom to find Kate already sound asleep in bed, snuggled far under the covers. After silently stepping past her sleeping form, he carefully laid the baby in the bassinet and covered her up so that she wouldn’t get cold before heading back into the living room where he found Mae sitting in her chair by the window, reading another novel.

“Kate and Shannon are asleep,” he announced.

His mother glanced up, “Let them sleep. It won’t be long before Kate will be back to her old self. The first couple of days are always the most stressful.”

“Do you think I can do it, Mom? Do you think I can be a good father? I barely know anything about raising a baby.”

“Of course, honey,” Mae stood up and pulled her son into a hug, “Besides, no one’s an expert at it.”

“I just hope I don’t mess up.”

Mae smiled, “You’re going to mess up, but that’s how you learn.”

 

A loud explosion disturbed the air the next morning, causing Kate to bolt out of bed and into the living room, where Mae was standing with the screen door open. Surprisingly the noise hadn’t woken the baby up, which was probably a good thing. Mae had a worried expression on her face as she kept her gaze in front of her. Kate stood beside her and watched as Rob walked back over to Gabriel, who was pulling the cylinder out of his Colt.

“See, this is why you don’t put extra powder into the cylinder. The more powder you have in there, the more likely you’ll have a chamber fire,” Rob griped as he rubbed a black mark off of his arm.

Gabriel inspected the cylinder and then the hammer before locking the cylinder back into place, “It’s never done that before. This was the first time… and I always double load my pistol to give it a louder pop.”

“Well, the first time could have been your last. You always put the correct amount of grains into the chambers. Otherwise, you could lose some fingers.”

“Maybe my primers are just bad.”

“No, I bought them right before we left for Yale. I bet you didn’t have enough cream of wheat packed in.”

“Probably,” Gabriel rotated the cylinder and placed the hammer down on an empty space in between the n*****s before looking up, “Well, good morning, honey. How are you feeling?”

Kate walked down the porch steps and stopped at the bottom to wait for Gabriel to join her, “Absolutely wonderful. I see you’re having some fun trying to blow yourself up.”

“That’s not what I had intended, but apparently my pistol has other ideas. So, have you eaten breakfast?”

“No.”

“How about we go to the diner in town? I’m craving a stack of old-fashioned pancakes,” Gabriel walked up the porch steps while placing the Colt back in its holster, “Once you get dressed we can go. I’ll get the baby ready.”

 Many people were out strolling the streets of Jefferson when the Dawson’s arrived at the bakery. After ordering, Gabriel turned his attention to his daughter and held her bottle as she sucked contentedly; he enjoyed watching everything she did no matter what it was. When I look at you, Shannon, I wonder what my first daughter would have been like, he kept his eyes fixed on his baby, never even noticing when their food arrived.

“Gabriel, honey… time to eat,” Kate quietly touched his arm to get his attention.

“Sorry. I was preoccupied with our daughter,” he turned to the plate of food in front of him, feeling his stomach rumble in protest. As he ate, thoughts of the day Nick had finally been killed snuck into the back of his mind. He deserved to be shot after trying to hurt my Kate… and after murdering Susan and my baby girl. I hope he stays locked away in the depths of Hell forever.

“Honey, are you all right?” Kate watched her husband with a concerned expression on her face.

After realizing that he had been clenching his fork in a vice-like grip, Gabriel continued to eat while pushing his thoughts out of his mind. He needed to move on from the past before it consumed him; Susan was gone and there was nothing he could do to bring her back, “Sorry, just thinking about some things.”

“Would those things have anything to do with Susan and Nick?”

Gabriel stayed silent, unsure of his emotions at the moment. Eventually, he found his voice, “Yeah. It’s still so hard to accept that she’s gone. I know that her spirit is still with us in the house, but it’s not the same as being able to touch her, to feel the warmth of her skin when she would wrap her arms around me,” he set his fork down, seeing the looks on the others’ faces, “Every day I’m feeling less and less of her presence, almost like she’s vanishing. I don’t want her to leave me completely.”

Kate felt his worry as if it were her own, and wanted to reassure him, “Gabriel, it sounds like she’s finally moving on to Heaven. She can see that you’re happy and knows that it’s her time. I don’t think she’s going to leave you altogether, but she’s moving toward the light. I remember Susan telling us that she was just waiting until you found happiness.”

“What should I do?”

“Son, I think you know what you have to do…” Rob spoke up from across the table.

“You need to reassure her that it’s okay for her to cross over,” Mae added.

Gabriel sighed heavily; he knew they were right, and that she needed the finality, “Alright, but I don’t think I can do it alone.”

“I’ll be right there by your side. She was my friend, as well,” Kate laid her hand over his, feeling him squeeze it.

 

That evening while Shannon was asleep in their bedroom, Kate was busy folding laundry in the living room. Her mind was filled with thoughts of her husband, who was wrestling in the floor with Charlie. She laughed when the dog covered Gabriel’s face with licks, but he surprised the dog when he reached up and flipped him over onto his side.

Kate laughed until she had tears in her eyes at the sight of the two in the middle of the floor, “You two are quite a sight. I’m pretty sure that you’re attached at the hip.”

“He’s my buddy. Aren’t you, boy?”

The dog barked in agreement, and padded over to his bed underneath the window where he was soon asleep. Gabriel chuckled as he moved to the couch and pulled Kate against him. She winced in pain when he pulled on her. Of course, it went unnoticed.

“Are you all right, a stór? Did I hurt you?” Gabriel looked concerned as her pained expression faded.

“No, I’m just sore, that’s all. If I move the wrong way it hurts.” Kate gave a smile to reassure him, and then she decided it was time for her to retire to the bedroom, but not before an earlier discussion came to mind, “Honey… it’s time.”

Gabriel sat, unmoving, quibbling with his emotions. He knew he needed to let Susan go and feel peace, but it was hard considering she had kept him going. Finally, he stood and joined Kate before they headed into their bedroom. I’m going to miss her so much, but I know that she’s going to be watching over us. As if she sensed what was getting ready to take place, Susan’s spirit hovered beside the bassinet, watching the newborn sleep, but she turned around when she heard them enter.

“Gabriel?” She questioned upon seeing his sad expression.

He stepped forward, leaving Kate beside the bed, and held Susan’s gaze, “Susan, I’ve come to let you know that it’s time for you to go home.”

“But I am home.”

“No, you need to be with God. You stayed to help me get through my grief and to help me find a new love. You protected Kate and watched over her while she was pregnant, and I thank you for everything you’ve done,” Gabriel swallowed a lump in his throat and held back tears, “but it’s time for you to step into the light and go home to Heaven.”

Susan lightly touched his cheek, understanding that he had accepted her need to be with the Father, “I love you, Gabriel.”

“And I still love you…I always will,” he hugged her tightly and gave her one final kiss before the bright moonlight streaming through the window caught his attention and brought a smile to his face, “He’s waiting on you, calling you home to be with Him.”

Susan floated over to where Kate stood and pulled her into a hug, “I’ll never forget any of you. Just do me one thing, and take care of Gabriel.”

“I will.”

With one last glance at the two of them, Susan made her way toward the moonbeam and stopped just before it. She looked at Gabriel and spoke to him through his mind as the form of a small baby came into view in her arms, I thought you’d want to see your daughter, Hope, so you’d know  how beautiful she is. Don’t you worry; her mommy will take good care of her.

Gabriel felt tears run down his cheeks at the sight of his first daughter, “I know you will, Susan.”

Goodbye, Gabriel… I’ll see you again.

As will I.

Susan and Hope moved into the light and faded from sight as their spirits entered the gates of Heaven, leaving Gabriel and Kate alone in their bedroom with their child. They sat down on the bed to reflect upon what had happened; Susan may be gone, but their family was complete… for the time being. Eventually, Kate leaned over and kissed his cheek sweetly, causing him to look at her.

“I’m lucky to have a man as wonderful as you, even though you risk your life for me, sometimes,” she sighed contentedly.

“That’s my job, Kate. I’d die for you.”

“I know you would, but please don’t.”

The bedroom was silent, except for the sound of the newborn’s gentle breathing as she slept peacefully in her bassinet beside the bed. The new parents sat on the bed, listening to their daughter before Gabriel wrapped his arm around Kate’s waist and pulled her against him as he fell back onto the covers. Without saying a word, he gazed into her crystal eyes while she did the same; it was as if they were speaking to each other through their eyes. Before long, Gabriel leaned his head close to hers and brushed his lips against hers in a loving kiss. Kate responded in kind by tangling her fingers in his long hair and pulling him closer to her, kissing him more deeply.

Gabriel broke the kiss after a few moments and whispered, “If anything should ever happen to me, don’t despair over me like I did when I lost Susan. I want you to move on and find another man who will love you as much as I do, he tenderly stroked her cheek with his fingertips, “There’s always room to love again.”

“There’s no one I can love as much as you. Like you said to me so long ago, I give you my heart… forever,” Kate laid her head against his chest, finding comfort in listening to the sound of his heartbeat.

The two of them lay in silence, wrapped in each other’s arms. So much had happened in the last couple of months that it was hard to sort it all out. However, the most joyous moment was when their daughter had entered the world. Even though they were still fairly young, they had all the faith in the world that they would be good parents. As the thoughts fluttered around in their minds, exhaustion set in, and Gabriel and Kate fell asleep lying across the bed. Outside, the moon shone brightly as it moved across the night sky.